I miss the feeling of actually being outplayed

Don't know the last time I felt like I have really been outplayed. I know there a few small moments in my games but nothing really ever sticks out. I played verse a {{champion:238}} mid awhile back while I was {{champion:59}} jungle who would dodge my E + Q combo with his W like every time, which really impressed me being it only like silver 1-2. I am pretty basic and predictable but so are silver Zeds lol so I found it cool that this dude could actually use his abilities to dodge skill shots. But other than that..... no one in my games ever like sticks out anymore. It's just.... wow..... this 1 player is significantly worse than others or damn this champ is busted or... insert season 8/9 damage creep problems here. Not to mention match making just feels terrible. I miss back when I actually cared about trying to rank up and you would play verse a lane and feel you had to try your best to win and would learn some things along the way. Been probably 2 years since I have felt that. Most the time I feel I am stuck playing in a slightly lower elo than my actual skill yet losing more than winning because of all the dumb shit changes and poor match making than when I finally get back to my actual rank I am so tired of the fucking climb I just stop playing. Call me old and bad but whatever. I have played more League than any other game in my life and I never once hated the game until season 8. Now I will admit I don't hate the game this season like I did last season. But I also really don't find it that much fun. Just trying to get back to gold at this point...... why I don't know honestly I don't even like the victorious skins lol. But even being in silver 1 I just feel like dread playing ranked... where 2 years ago I would have been excited. I just feel more dread knowing any mistake I make could really hurt my chances of winning.... plus just have 1 terrible teammate (which is going to happen in silver a lot) is going to be too heavy so if I don't get super fucking fed I am screwed. And someone maining adc in times where supports have a very large impact on the lane and playing with a random maybe autofilled player between.... gold and bronze.... just feels generally pretty terrible lol. Anyway..... I just miss competitive feeling to games and when games didn't really feel hard it was because you were better than you current elo and winning seemed easier until you ranked up. But right now I feel games are hard to win.... but its not because enemy players are good... its just RNG match making so fucking bad its stressful to try and win consistently.
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