League makes me depressed.

Every time I get in the game I hope for something fun. A nice team that won’t threaten to report because I’m new to a champion. A few skilled players who can give me pointers that don’t accuse me of feeding. But every time I try I’m met with just plain hatred. I play video games to distract me from the boring life I live. I find video games fun but I can’t seem to enjoy this game yet I can’t put it down. I’m pretty sure it’s due to the gameplay, the large fan base. The large champion pool. But at the same time I just want to leave it sometimes. Every time I end up feeding unintentionally I feel like dying in real life. Every time someone calls me names in this game it’s just pain. I just feel like a hallow shell after games but I just can’t stop. I’m not joking I’m constantly fearing a report because of how many people are threatening to report me for feeding when I’m not trying to. Every permaban is like I’m hit in the heart with a sledgehammer because I wish For death but don’t get it. I’m depressed and occasionally suicidal in real life. Any suggestions on what to do?
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