Hello, Boards. It's come to my attention that there is a new AD assassin, perhaps the most hated class in League of Legends, that will release in patch 9.13. I have already seen the salt flowing freely, and I am sympathetic to your frustrations. I'm KnightsKemplar, with the Church of Targon. Could you spare a few minutes to hear about our Lord and Savior, Taric?
"I'm skeptical," I imagine some of you are thinking. "That champ has never been popular." Well, kids, it's June, aka Pride Month. There's no better time to try out the best gay brick wall in League of Legends. So settle in and grab a cold beverage while I explain the tenets of our faith.
AD assassins are very good at killing squishy targets. In the current meta, you might think that the only counter to this is to blow them up faster. What wrongheaded thinking that is! There are several champions that will help you channel the brick wall within yourself, such as Malphite and Ornn. Those champions are great, and I will let people who love them tell you why you should play them, too. But today, I'd like to talk to you about Taric, the true Messiah who will rescue us all from AD assassins.
While other champions can become brick walls, Taric is one of the few that can help his carries adopt some brick wallish characteristics, as well. Did you know that his W, bastion, gives armor to the person he links with? No? Well, now you do! It's a shield that *also* gives armor to your squishy little friends! What a majestic ability to help you wallop the AD scoundrels of Summoner's Rift! All you have to do is stack armor and link with your squishy friends to save them from a terrible fate! "But KnightsKemplar," I hear you protest, "only fools have all AD comps. I can't wait to stomp the Zed/Yasuo players, but what about mages?" Worry not, my children! There are two excellent support items that give you armor *and* MR. Just build a Zeke's Convergence or a Locket of the Iron Solari, both of which will help you peel for whichever squishy friend needs it most!
Are the shields and armor not enough to shut down the enemy? Not to worry! Taric's Q can heal so much that it will leave the enemy assassin typing "WhY dOeS mY uLtI sUdDeNlY dO nO dAmAge?!?11?11!!" And on top of that, your ulti can make friends invulnerable after a short delay of 2.5 seconds! Zed, arguably the most hated AD assassin, needs a full 3 seconds for his ult to deal its damage! What an amazingly unfair interaction! You've always suspected that Zed players have no brains, so prove it by watching them bang their heads against the wall over and over again whilst they wonder aloud at their own impotence!
Now, there are two critical downsides to playing Taric. The first downside is that you are a squishy enchanter during laning phase. It takes time and money to become a beefy bastion of courage! So you'll have a hard time against mage supports. These minions of darkness will harass you out of lane and murder your poor, squishy allies. Be very cautious playing Taric into Lux and Yuumi (and maybe bring MR runes instead of armor. I know, it's sad, but sometimes you need to sacrifice your armor stacking to survive).
The other downside is that Taric takes skill to play effectively. You must practice your spell weaving to take full advantage of your passive. You must learn to time your ult so that it activates before your team gets aced. You must learn to aim your stun to shut off escape routes so you can bash the dastardly rogues threatening your backline. You need practice! That's why I'm here 2+ weeks before the release of Qiyana! Don't wait – now is the time to hone your brick wall skills. In two weeks, you want to be ready to taunt your enemy in all chat as they run circles around you and fail to do meaningful damage! You don't need to keep up with mobility creep if they can't hurt you *or* your allies.
I will be right here for any questions you might have about the faith, and I call upon the rest of the Church of Targon to assist me in answering your questions. Please, consider saving your allies from the threat of AD assassins *today.* Time is short – their salvation and your lp are both on the line. These are difficult times, and you can't count on someone else to save you from Qiyana, Zed, and their ilk. Thanks for reading, and I know you'll make the right decision.