This is an idea for people more skilled than I to try. Consider the following:
[2v1 Support-less Bot ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKsTJrmBb1s)
[Malzahar Defend God](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpTwmBkxlL8)
[Insert River Shen here because for the life of me I cannot find the original video]
I know this is a meme idea, but it's so dumb it might actually work. The second video is of my own gameplay, and I SUCK. Especially with Malz. However, I was able to defend mid turret for 5 minutes against the majority of the enemy team (if you watch, it's either a 3v1 or 4v1, sometimes a 4v2 with an enemy Rift Herald thrown in). If you combine that with the strategies used in the first video (kiting to only 1v1 even in a 2v1 lane, taking advantage of you getting solo exp/gold while the opponents have shared, etc.) and the right item/rune build, I feel like a more experienced and skilled player could easily 1v2 in bot lane with Malz.
Soo... what to do with your fifth player, if you don't need a support? My first idea was to just send them as a second top or mid, but that wouldn't work too well. At that point you're just inviting roams to match and it's the same game as before but lane positions have rotated. Then I remembered River Shen. While the REAL River Shen doesn't work for more than memes, a River Shen-adjacent idea might actually be somewhat viable. Have your Jungler be a mid/late-game champ, who (while still ganking occasionally) focuses on grinding and optimizing his camp clears. Have your "River" be like a second Jungler - he prioritizes early ganks and lane pressure/harass (probably helping bot more than the other two lanes until Malz gets enough of a level lead) as much as possible, taking scuttle before enemy Jungle can, and getting objectives in tandem with the ally Jungle (meaning the ally laners don't have to help for early objectives and can keep lane pressure - if the enemy wants to contest objectives, they will be doing so at the cost of a turret).
This gank-heavy 'River' position would likely push the enemy to take defensive stances and stay under tower/freezing wave in an attempt to CS and just wait until the River gets behind in levels enough that his ganks aren't as big of a threat. That's when the River takes on his second job - invading the enemy jungle. If the enemy team is pushed under tower to avoid ganks, then you can easily invade the enemy jungle while your Jungler can still safely farm from the comfort of the ally jungle. If laners try to help their Jungler out and contest your invade, they're already pushed back to tower so the ally laners will get easy turret damage. If the opposite of this scenario happens and the enemy Jungler decides to match your River's ganks, then the ally Jungler can get easy invades instead.
To make this work better, I'd recommend your top and/or mid have snowbally and mid/late-game champions such as Veigar, Cho'Gath, etc. to make the most out of the early ganks and make up for the level/gold disadvantage that will inevitably fall upon the River as the game progresses (which will be emphasized by the fact that the River will have to be an early-game champion anyway to be effective in the first place, or at least have low level kill potential).
As a closer, I know that the meta exists as it is for a reason, and that this idea is a meme team 100%. So any comments saying that this idea is dumb/meme is less "pro gamer shreks noob's dumb meme team idea" and more "well no shit, sherlock". That being said, I'd much rather if this thread could be a place where we could collaborate and try to make this idea slighly less dumb (or even more dumb, lmao) and slightly more viable, if only to have fun and screw around with in blind/draft.
Thanks to those who read and watched the reference material I offered, I hope some of you at least got a laugh out of this :P