Love the game but hate playing it

Hey guys, I am having a problem. I am a casual player who took 5(!) freakin years to actually hit level 30. So probably the filthiest casual in lol you could possibly imagine. Anyways I love this game. The champion designs are great, the merch, even items are fun... I even watch tournaments, streams and stuff. Have done so all these years. Yet whenerver I actually play I feel like dying inside. Which is why it probably took me so long to hit 30... I know for a fact I am not a great player. Probably even pretty bad, yet I try to improve as not to be a complete nuisance for my team. I am trying my very best to stay positive, even in bad situations. Giving constructiver crisicism and praise when it is needed. Just trying my best to give myself and everyone else the best time possible. Yet what I get in return is nothing but toxicity. It's so very frustrating. On top of all that I am in an mmr where I definitely do not belong, because I played with friends a few times. A friend just told me that I should try to play a ranked, as atmosphere and everything is apparently much better there. Now I am pretty sure that friend was trolling me. Because apparently I was so bad, I was worse than someone being afk. Which is a hilarious statement actually but at the time I did not quite find it funny because they threatend to actually report me for afking when I was the present the entire game. And this is pretty much how every game of mine goes whenever I play solo. Give or take a few cases of namecalling. Now of course these were solo-games. I love playing with my freinds, too. It's the best experience I had so far. They are giving me great feedback, many tips and we're just having a good time. Bad thing: When I then play solo later I get enemies and most importantly mates who are WAY out of my league. So of course I tilt them... Hard. And not even intentionally which makes it frustrating for them and me, thus the circle of bad gaming-experience continues. Now... I know these are just words and harassment and namecalling is an everyday situation in a competitive game like lol. Yet I just like to have fun in the vening after ahard day of work and relax some. I guess these are just 2 worlds coliding. lol and relaxing in one sentence apparently doesn't go. At least for me. Alright. Pointless Thread over. Have a nice day everyone :)
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