Some kid was being a dick in my game. Talking made trash and calling everyone slurs and such. So using my elite hacking skills I found out who he was a put a plan into work.
First part was easy. I planted fake evidence in his house to suggest that his mom not only had secretly been doing cocaine but was also cheating. And with some only slightly illegal activity drugged her up. The father returned home to find this evidence. They are now divorced and she is in jail with no access to custody.
Second was the hard part. Knowing his father would regularly visit the bar to wash away his sorrows of his destroyed marriage I used his alcoholic induced state to learn his secrets. This made befriending his a breeze. And after a year of friendship I seduced him. We are got married. I am now the kid's legal guardian.
Third. Once again with some slightly illegal activity. On the anniversary of the previous marriage the father has a little too much to drink and accidentally runs somebody over. Now in jail for manslaughter and I'm the only legal guardian of the kid.
Now that I'm his only parent I've enforced a new rule. Parental locks, no internet access unless supervised, kid friendly games only. :)
Who's the assmonger now, Kevin?