Patch 7.1 Translated

Hello Yasuos and Rivens, welcome to ~~Game Theory~~ Patch Note Translations! Where I do all the work of deciphering the latest patch notes to reveal the what's really going on at Riot. . . . Or I just make shit up and fail at being funny. You decide. ----------------------- --------------- ------ ------- ------ Greeting summoners, Welcome to patch 7.1, where we end our official vacation and throw out what ever the newest intern got done so we can recover from the hangovers and figure out what is happening in our game. It should go without saying, the next few patches should be a bit more focused as we get back into the swing of pretending to work. Now lets see here. . . Nerfs. Nerfs. Nerfs. So far so good. Marksman buffs. Always a good idea. Client updates. New skins. Ya, looks good at a skim. Push it through! ------------------------------ ----------- ***CHAMPIONS*** ~~~ **Anivia** Her ult expansion time was being a little weird. Should be fixed. If not, we added a visual indicator so you can't blame us anyways. **Camille** New champion is killing everybody. That's always a good sign. Apparently there are some complaints about her being too strong. People like killing more than they dislike being killed, so we're going to nerf her defenses and see if that fixes things. There's also something about nerfing her true damage? Hold up, let me remove that real quick. **Draven** Draven isn't awesome often enough. So we made him more awesome. Pretty straight forward. **Kalista** Following our traditional balance philosophy that difficulty for newbies can be compensated by buffing for experts, Kalista no longer stops stacking spears and rend is effectively manaless. Yes, we nerfed the mana thing because it was oppressive. But that was before we realized new players were having trouble with it. This all makes perfect sense. Don't question it. **Karma** So it turns out Karma's non-Q spells are working a little too well. So we reduced the ticks on her tether and the durability of her empowered shields. The tether reduction will of course mean that she gets one less passive proc. But that's what Q is for anyways. USE IT MORE! **Kennen** Now that people have stopped complaining about Kennen, we can safely nerf him. Except that we actually like him crashing into teams and stun-locking them to death. So to satisfy both parties, we're back-loading the damage on his ult. He'll have less burst, higher damage overall, and you still won't be able to stop it. **Lee Sin** Hm? A little early to buff Lee Sin, but that's fine. We're dealing with interns after all. . . . ***OH SHI+! ABORT ABORT ABORT! DON'T SEND OUT THE PATCH!*** . . . What do you mean it's too late? . . . We make the game, can't we just undo it? . . . Really? It's that bad? . . . F+ck. So um. . . Ya. . . The intern may *may* have *accidentally* hit a strand of spaghetti code that affects Lee Sin. Don't worry, we'll buff him back up once we figure out what happened. Until then, just be aware that tempest isn't breaking stealth and his ult has a little less base damage. **Lucian** After the flat armor pen upgrades, Lucian has become a little less . . . "Lethal." So we're giving him some extra damage to compensate. **Poppy** So it turns out that killing things and being unkillable is a somewhat problematic combination. We couldn't decide on which one we wanted poppy to be better at, so we're just going to nerf them both. Easy. **Ryze** It seems a local blue man group representative is rising through the ranks rather quickly. We don't want to stop him, we like drinking the tears, but too much speed and it just becomes complaints. So we're nerfing his shield and Move seed steroid. He'll still 100-0 you, but now we can claim you were given a chance to escape your fate. **Shyvana** The buffs to lizard lady's ultimate has pushed her a bit further than we anticipated. To compensate, we're going to nerf her jungle clears - where she doesn't normally use ult. **Syndra** So..... Syndra 1-shots people. Pretty easily. Probably shouldn't be doing that. We're increasing the amount of prep work to perfectly 100-0 people, but giving her some bonus true damage in return. Because unfortunately, she still has trouble killing tanks. **Talon** Assassin dude has a harder time killing people now, so we're giving him some extra lane sustain to compensate. We want to see more of his awesome flips around the rift. **Elementalist Lux** Apparently people have a hard time distinguishing between her abilities. Not like users overpaid for a glorified chroma or anything, but fine. We'll reduce the pay-to-win elements. ------------------- ***ITEMS*** ~~~ **ZZ'Rot Portal** So Zz'Rot's fire-and-forget nature was a little too overbearing. So we're reducing it's independence. These changes will also make it more effective at building monster waves, so you may want to be careful where you put it. ---------------- ***SUMMONER'S RIFT*** ~~~ **Jungle Fruit** We made a few quality of life changes to jungle plants. Mostly by not putting Kha'Zix into combat. We also made it easier to troll allied Malzahars and Rengars with blast comes. No more immunity for you! **Jungle experience** Early game junglers are leveling a little *too* fast. We're fine with the first clear lead, less so with following clears. So we're nerfing total experience when fresh out the gate. We also moved some experience off Krugs into Raptors. Now hurry up and die to the chickens! ------------- ***TWISTED TREELINE*** So.... We're just going to come out and admit it. We don't care about Twisted Treeline. It's too much work to even pretend to care. If something on a champion is made non-existent while on a different map, we'll address that. But otherwise, our official policy will be: if it's balanced on SR, it's balanced everywhere else. You can stop complaining about Illaoi now. ----------- ***League Client Update*** We made a lot of performance changes to improve low spec mode. Try it! Every problem you don't have there is one more we can ignore in the main client. We also made some other client fixes that may or may not have affected peoples' ability to play games. (>_>) ------- ***QUEUE HEALTH*** Here it is. Queues are healthy. We're happy with them. Everything is great. We're even giving you a great big checkmark to prove it. This will be the answer to all further complaints about queues. ---------- ***OTHER BUG FIXES*** - Player generated terrain is no longer disables Kha'Zix's isolation passive. - Something about LeBroke cooldowns resetting (**Editer's note:** I'm genuinly confused on this one.) - Shaco boxes and re-stealth when revealed. - Bard Q was playing a little slow-and-loose with the laws of time. - Fizz R no longer ignores spell shields. (>_>) - Darius' free will when apprehending targets was removed. - Hecarim stopped critting structures. That's Jhin's job. - Duskblade revealing non-existent traps in fountain on respawn. . . Sorry Teemo. - Karma Tether color no longer vomits. - Camille ult invisible borders. Sorry, Trump. - Malphite Chroma un-neudering - We found River Spirit Nami's missing tail fin! Don't ask where it was, you don't want to know. . . - Koi Nami ordered some really expensive gluten-free wheat protein water. Divas. - No more persistent forest fires on Galaxy Shyvana's fire-balls. Environmental compliance act and all that jazz. - Fire Lux no longer tears the bottom off her dress. - Star lux was re-educated on the use of boomerangs. Thank you, Gnar. - Lightning Zed's shadow no longer becomes a real boy when dancing. - Ivern's flowers aren't an illusion. They were just hiding. - Santa Braum's poro finally got that plastic surgery it so desperately ~~wanted~~ needed. Thank you to all the children that donated! ------------- ***UPCOMMING SKINS*** A space man has invaded feudal china. Will the Bird brain alliance be able to stop him? Will Garen get a new catch phrase? Can Vi go 10 minutes without breaking something? And just how do space pirates time travel anyways? Find out next time, ~~on Dragon ball Z~~ when we find the lore team. Oh, and firecracker Jinx is pink now. Sometimes. ---------- --------- ---------- ---------- --------- As always, please remember: these translations are done for humors intent. They should not be taken seriously. They also do not serve as adequate substitutes for the actual path note, so be sure to read them as well! 1 point for every red that posts in this topic. 2 if they're from the patch notes. 3 Points for Scarizard. ✔ 2 points for top of M&G.+ ✔ 3 Points for front page.+ 2 points for top of Front page.+ 4 points if pinned.+ 1 point for every 75 up-votes. (I don't use FEK, so this is enüd total.) - Deductions for every brain-dead gif/image/"meme." (I put in some work, you can too!) ✔ 75 up-votes 150 up-votes 10 points main page of LoL Website.+ Bonus Points: **1** +Will need proof if I didn't see it. Current total: ***7 points***
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