The Year is 2023

Minions spawn the second you can leave fountain. They move 50% faster, spawn twice as often, and have half their current max hp. Turrets are now invulnerable until 4:00. After this, every auto-attack cleaves a layer of turret plating off for 250 team gold. Reinforced Armour has been removed from the game. Runes give your choice of 5hp, 5AR, 5MR, 50AD or 75AP. So many runes give "bonus damage on your next basic attack after doing x" that you are full one-shot build with a single dirk or sorc shoes. You may vote to surrender in champion select, as whoever got newer champions will undoubtedly win. Champion win rate in descending order matches 99% to how recently they were reworked/released. The one exception is Irelia, the oldest champion still played. She was given -3 base AD once she hit an 87% win rate. After dropping to 86.9%, she was compensated by giving bladesurge the ability to mark targets. Her Q literally resets itself. She dashes from the fog of war in the blink of an eye and one shots you with her Q+Q+Q+Q+Q+(...) combo. It cost her 12 mana. You look at your teleports cooldown. It is 8 minutes, 2 minutes longer than the average game time. You watch all three of your turrets die as you wait to re-spawn from your first death and walk back to lane. You attempt to dual the enemy support, and they cast ignite on you. Every single rune they have procs off of ignite as your health ticks down, one-shotting you before you can run back to the healing of your fountain. Your death recap thinks baron killed you with shadow dash. You know this can't be true, baron hasn't spawned in several years. You think to yourself, "good thing they plan on slowing the game down next pre-season."
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