I was toxic... Almost three years ago. This is my story.

When I made my account, I was just a freshman in high-school, 13 years old, and by all definitions immature and malleable. League of Legends was the first truly competitive game that I have played, and like many other kids my age, I had dreams of going pro. I got into ranked, and the community in general was toxic. Calling people out on their mistakes, setting the blame on others, and generally being an ass was the norm. Even when I was playing with my friends, we'd cuss at each other during games and blame each other for losses. In the next game, we'd get over it, wash rinse and repeat. To me, this was normal. I played the game on and off for a few years, then got back into it really seriously my first year of college. I think that's when I got my first warning, a 10-25 game chat restrict (I don't remember exactly). In game I'd be frustrated at the limited number of messages available, and save them to really unload on someone who I thought really screwed up. Basically I didn't take the warnings seriously because all of my friends at the time had chat restrictions in the past, but still talked in game the same way. My first ban was on this account and really messed me up, frankly I'm embarrassed about my reaction and my first ticket was titled "I'm a sad, sad person who might kill himself over a permaban, we'll see". I was determined to never get another account banned, so I installed an application called AutoHotKey, which can be used to disable your enter key while in League of Legends. But... that didn't last, and I got a second banned account shortly after. -The Second Account I dropped out of college (for unrelated reasons), and got back into ranked with desperation. I didn't have a job, and I was convinced that my only hope of 'making it' was to get to diamond, start streaming, and eventually go pro. I got into the game with the wrong attitude, however. I was in a rush to rank up quickly, and spent more time getting mad about every loss than I spent trying to improve my own play. Most games I'd wind up disabling AutoHotKey to vent my pent-up frustrations. I got the same warnings as on my first account, but I ignored them. I was thinking "if I just get to gold/plat/diamond, people will be more chill and I can focus more on just improving my game". I was wrong, but you already knew that. The problem is I never changed my attitude towards the game, and although I did rank up, I ranked up painfully slow, and barely improved my own gameplay. My second account was banned shortly after. -The Third Account It took me a while to actually get to level 30 on my current account, and during the beginning I have to admit I was still toxic. Nothing had really changed. Until everything changed. One day my dad (desperate to get me to do something productive with my life) saw an ad for a new pilot program opening up in town. League wasn't going my way, so what did I have to lose? I quickly lost most of my free time, and with it, most of my skill in the game. I stopped playing as much, and as competitively. Then something happened... I got to platinum, higher than I had ever been before. How? I wasn't playing as competitively, I lost most of my skill, and I had transferred to the support role from mid/top. I'll tell you how. When I stopped playing with that "I need to win" mindset, and started playing for fun, I had been kinder to my teammates, more supportive, more forgiving for others mistakes, because I know I make them too. That loading screen tip about positive players winning more games, I finally realized just how true that was. -Conclusion I won't lie to you. There have been times where I have found myself slipping back into old habits of toxicity. But those times have become fewer and farther between. It took me almost three years, but I finally realize just how toxic I was. My permaban finally makes sense. I hope my story strikes a chord with many others out there, and maybe it will even help some people make that shift in opinion they so desperately need to avoid a permanent suspension. You don't want to go down that path, permanent is a hell of a long time. I share my story because I wish that before I was banned, I had someone share their story with me. Even though it might not have changed anything. I also share my story to beseech RIOT to give me a second chance. Next time you have an unban experiment, contact me. I guarantee that you will not regret it.
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