My name is Eric but people who know me on League call me Killer. I have been playing League of Legends since the end of Season 2, initially making this account mid season 1. This post isn't to complain about a punishment or system moderation. This post is to apologize to Riot and the community of League of Legends. I would like to seek retribution as a player for all my behavior over the last several months. Before you jump to any conclusions and say this is just another toxic player looking to get un-banned, please read my entire post and let me explain my entire predicament.
To begin, I would like to explain who I am, I am 18 years of age, living in Canada as a landed Immigrant apart of a German family, I have 3 total siblings, each of them much older than I. I am an athlete, computer nerd, artist and many more things. Over the last 4 years of my life, I have been fighting a battle with depression, from feeling disappointed in myself when I make a mistake, or if I feel I do not live up to my siblings. Through the last 4 years I had attempted suicide 11 times, the last being the closest point I have ever been to death. I don't remember what happiness feels like, and for a lot of you who are reading this, you might not understand how that is possible. Let me explain it to you. Wikipedia defines happiness as a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. I had not been happy for a very very long time, and this was no one but my owns fault. I do not expect each and every person who is going to read this to understand this completely. I had bad days, I had horrible days and I had okay days. The days when I thought nothing else could possibly go wrong, I would play League of Legends, it was an escape from reality, from my depression. I often went into games with an extremely negative state of mind, which led me to be a very toxic player, and I don't blame anyone but myself. As time went on I began to realize I was one of the people in the community who is labelled as toxic, at this point I had become a part of a team. The people on this team had become some of my closest friends. They knew what I deal with on a day to day basis, and tried to help me, whether to make my bad days better, or be a better player in game. We were working together to help me become less toxic every week. This was a process, not something that can be done overnight, and it took me a long time to realize this. I am extremely grateful for having these people as they help me still.
Moving on from that, I would like to address the purpose of this post now, I would like to formally apologize to the entire League Community as well as Riot themselves, I understand that I am in the wrong, and I fully understand that I was given numerous warnings. Being that as it may, I would like to ask for a second chance, not only from the community but from Riot, my account currently sits in a permanent ban state, and I know I deserved it, I had one of my really bad days, and said a lot of things in the course of 5 games that I most definitely shouldn't have. I know the mistake I made, and would like to ask for a second chance to fix that same mistake. I was not banned today, or yesterday, I was banned a few weeks ago, I waited to make this post because at first it didn't feel like a big deal, but I didn't realize how apart of my life League of Legends has become, it brings me good times with friends when I am having horrid days, it brings me a relaxed state of mind when I am having a panic attack as to what I am doing in my life. I know a lot of you may think I do not deserve a second chance, or that I made this entire post as an attention seeker, and in reality, yes I did make it as an attention seeker, I want to bring attention me, a toxic player, looking to better myself. I know I can do it, not alone, but with the help of my friends, and professional help which I now attend in real life. So all in all, with the community and Riots approval, I would like a second chance to prove that I will no longer be a toxic player, I will no longer be a person no one wants to be in a game with. This is my cry for help to the community and to Riot, help me better, for I cannot do it alone. Please.
Sincerely and truthfully,