So i was just permanently banned. I'd done my best to keep myself back, but the last match i played i was instantly verbally assaulted the moment i loaded into the lobby. Thats right, before i even chose a champion or called my role.
A player on my team started harrassing me already then, making report calls, giving me derigatory nick names and telling me to do certain things with myself. All because of my gender.
By the end of the match, two people on my team and three people on the enemy team was spouting hate about women. Its hard for me to tell what exactly being female has to do with a game of league of legends, but they all came together and agreed on where women belong and started debating possible reasons as to why i, a woman, played as bad as i did.
Despite all me doing was giving it my best.
Five players. What would equal a total of a team. All harrassing me because of my gender, spouting sexist remark upon sexist remark. Why? Why does it have to matter that i'm a girl? Cant you just say i suck at the game like any other player? Cant you just go back to calling me out on my bronze playstyle? Or the fact i built rod of ages when i was playing top lane Elise? I'm sorry for playing a champion i enjoy. I'm sorry for losing my lane against that Riven main.
I'm not sorry for standing up to you when you all gang up to me because of my gender.
I'm not sorry for being kicked out of my favourite game because i defended myself against bullying.
I am sorry this game has turned in the direction it did. Why does it have to be this way? Why am i defined as a toxic player for trying to protect myself against bullying, after a player on my team openly broadcasts in german what he suggests i do regarding certain parts of his anatomy and my mouth?
Is this really the League you envision as a sport that will last for decades, Riot? A game where you lose the moment you take a stand to protect yourself? A world where we're all supposed to lower our heads and accept whatever the majority says about it? Am i really supposed to lower my arms and say "thank you" if someone hits me in the face?
Why has the game turned out this way? Why was the change to the punishment system for "toxic behaviour" put through in Season 5 to punish everyone in the game for voicing opinions and debating them?
Why do you make me feel like you agree with these sexist remarks? Like i dont belong in this game because of my gender?
Why does everyone gang up on me once one of you start?
Why does nobody listen when i say i'm sorry? When i ask for help?
Why am i alone?
I'm not asking for my ban to be removed. I'm trying to let people know what my experience of this game has turned into, over the years i've played it. I'm trying to make all the people here aware of what some of us suffer every single day, every single match, for nothing else than what we were born like. I'm trying to spread awareness that there are ways to verbally harrass, denote and destroy a person and still go unnoticed by the so-called punishment system that is supposed to protect us against these kinds of people.
League has branded me a toxic player.
But it was League that turned me into one.
EDIT: I am not innocent. With this permaban i got exactly what i deserved. My behaviour was not acceptable nor justified by the behaviour of my opponents. The reason with this post isnt to beg forgiveness or otherwise plead innocence - it is to point out a fatal flaw in the system that lets any other offenders in a game walk away, provided the players that report them are banned before said reports are treated.
In essence: I got what i deserved. They did not. All other players walked away with a clean slate as if their behaviour had never happened.
Think if a politician that murders a person in front of a family member, the family member attacks the politician for revenge, police shows up and breaks them up, taking the family member away while escorting the politicain to safety.
That is how this feels. After the behaviour of these people, they got to walk away without a single response to their own behaviour - curse words and sexism be damned.