I sinned!

Hi folks, dear Lol players, I sinned dear community, i sinned often and i'am not asking for forgivness. Because i don't deserve it. I deserved a ban, at least a 15 days ban. But i never got one. Never. Still i want to get this off my mind and tell you that i want to change, just because my way was wrong. I trashtalked a lot. I sweared to teammates a lot. I insulted teammates a lot. I even commited the high crime of wishing cancer to the family of a teammate. Enraged by a bad game and a few petty insults by that guy, i just said it. I wished cancer to his mother. Despicable me. The guy was furious and angry and even threatened to attack me RL (i can understand that). I enjoyed tilting him at that moment. We lost the game. I felt just dirty afterwards. I won nothing that day and i'am sure i made some random person out there have a terrible evening. Thats pathetic from me. Thats what i want to tell him: "Dude, wherever you are. Sorry! I didnt wanted to wish your mama any harm!" I'am still ashamed of myself to this day. But i was never punished in my long years long LOL career, i was never caught. Maybe people didn't report or it wasn't just enough reports in many games, but thats no excuse. Thats not a "you can do whatever you like" post. I have long phases where i play calm and collected and try to be as positive as possible. But sometimes my inner demon gets the best of me and i start flaming. But i will stop and start to change myself, no swearing anymore! Thats said, i want to say something about people posting here. If i can say things like i did and dont even receive a chat restriction in 5 years..... Even beeing incredible toxic at times. Then how can any of you people come here and ask for forgivness after receiving like 3 BIG warnings and chat restrictions and 15 day bans. What did you guys do to get to this point. I can't understand anyone on this forum who thinks his perma was a mistake, man up, you guys know that you can get away with many things. If you get a perma you did deserve it 100%. Man up and learn to live with consquences. i mean i was toxic, but how incredible rude and toxic do you have to be to get a perma ban. Thats all i wanted to say Thx for listening.
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