I write this post with a really heavy heart mostly because out of the sheer fear of being shamed for seeking attention. So i first of all wanted to point out that all this thread serves for is to just share how i feel, what i see and think about the community and how it has affected me and how it does affect others. with this i write down my experiences and the following worries for other people's well being. I will ask for no sympathy or pity, only for consideration in what's written down.
league of legends, long story short, has actually, successfully broken me mentally to a point where i have been diagnosted with Depression and am under active therapy as of late.
The community as it stands is horrible, noone can really tell anyone something different. league has outclassed even high Tier meme saltwaters like CoD and WoW when it Comes to toxic communities, and such has really only gotten worse, despite everyone saying that the punishment system works.
It took a really strong personal effect on me too. Playing this game to get away from a lot of Problems just to have them forcibly confronted again in a means impossible to deal with. Getting into games where i am told to go die, where my Family gets insulted and where i get mocked to the ground. And just as most others would say, i cant talk back at all.
Sucks that the game itself is so fun that i actually am addicted to it, to a point where i consider seeking help for that, too. in the last weeks, I've had to take anti depressants every time before a game just to be sure that i wouldn't break down horrendously after the game due to the near-inevitable toxicity that awaits me either from a troll or from someone who just takes joy in hurting others or someone who shamelessly badmanners and Mocks the entire time until it really Begins to hit a nerve. and as mentioned, i can't help myself getting into that crap because of how much i love this game in itself...
Today was one of those extremely bad days, first game out of two, 2 of my own teammates Keep telling me to just go die, tried my best to not react to it, but as you can guess, my nerves were really on a thin edge. second game Comes in, teammate refuses to support, trolls and loses us the game. an enemy badmanners the whole time, even calls me a mental. and he goes on to Keep telling others how they are mental for telling him to stop badmannering, meanwhile i got myself a 14 days ban for mentioning that calling people mental can go through as calling people retarded, and thus earn a punishment.
i am Aware that directly threatening with bannings is not allowed, but the sheer mentioning of it alone as a reminder that that can happen? this just gives me the remaining push to just jump down the cliff, metaphorically spoken.
it is Things like this that really make me consider to just toss my computer out of the window, and then myself with it in hopes of landing into the shards and edges of said broken pc. Things like this have successfully made me go full damaged to where i end up weeping on the Floor crying my leftover sanity away just from receiving the slightest negativity if i do not take proper medications.
the 14 days ban will hopefully help me get away from this game for good. League of legends in itself is fun, without a doubt, but the people in it are so horrible and disgustingly cruel that quitting has not only become an option but a necessity to spare my own health.
I've reached my breaking point, both patience and sanity wise, only thanks to this game's playerbase. I won't go asking for anyone to actually say anything to the punishment system. I won't ask for improvements on it, even if Riot knew people are making one another go mental they wouldn't improve it more. But i hope people read this thoroughly and start to at least spend some thought in just how effective words like "go die" "get cancer" "you suck" "fuck you go uninstall" etc can really have. it seems silly, but you try playing a game to escape a shitty life just to have it resurface in that very game.
this post will likely, but not by garuantee, be my last one ever to be written on the boards too. With all the haters watching me like a hawk, Stalking me through to drop some silent negativity, i've additionally grown to feel uneasy and unsafe within this very enviroment alone, leaving behind only a prayer that someone will give it a thought and remember the gravity of every word spoken to others. Even if it is just online. it is still fact that a living, breathing, independant human would share such thoughts of someone else, and that can really cause some damage.
I give LoL my (Hopefully) last goodbyes. this has been 3 years i played, 3 years i worked hard on, 3 years i tried to take joy in reaching achievements with. 3 years i've come to regret and forever shun as a decimatingly stupid decision i would, literally, die over rather than make it a second time.
I wish everyone else a good time and just hope that there wont be many others who have to share a similar fate. I will miss the good lot of this circle a lot.