This is a little abnormal for the Player Behavior forum but I figured it fit best.
This isn't about the things people say to each other in chat. There are plenty of places to discuss that. This is about awful shit I say to myself. Because I know I suck at this game. That I'm a complete screw-up, and that in half my games my best course of action is to stay in the fountain so the enemy team doesn't get gold and exp for killing me. I'm terrified of playing carries, because I can't handle the pressure. I'm expected to be the one to do the damage and win the game for the team. But I know I can't, I'm just going to let them down. Better to have someone who knows what they're doing play that role while I absorb enemy attacks for them.
I hide myself in bot games or ARAM because bot games don't matter and in ARAM you can write off a shitty game to team composition. But even then I know that I've lost several games for my team because I just completely fucked up playing my champ and I hate it. I hate the feeling of frustration and helplessness.
Because I feel like I'm not really playing League, I'm just kind of watching from the side. But I WANT to play. I want to play League, and play ranked, and throw myself in to the grand experience this rad game has to offer.