I'm Sorry

(TLDR: I owe you an apology. If anything, just read the last paragraph.) I think it was around this time last year that this, my main account, was perma banned. I was in quite the depression and used to play league religiously as an outlet. Over time i let things get to me inside and outside of the game. Anytime anything went wrong in game i would be super toxic. I logged in today to read what got me banned and honestly, I've read it many times before and what I said never bugged me. Though when I read it a few minutes ago, I felt quite ashamed. I'm ashamed because I let myself get to such a point of negativity in my life where I used something I loved (league) as an self destructing outlet. I didn't know my words had such an impact either. I remade a new account and was playing a game and found myself beating a new player in lane. Although I didn't say anything, the enemy laner afk'd and started to flame me from base. Most of the time I usually would have egged him on and flashed my taunts/mastery, which I did end up doing that game, but afterwards I added him. He kept flaming me in private chat but somehow i ended up deescalating his anger and I found out that this guy was in a shitty state of his life physically and mentally. He elaborated on it and as he did I realized what a piece of shit I was. I am a piece of shit not just for flaming and egging him on, but for _intentionally_ provoking him and adding more negativity he didn't need into his life. I think its the intention of the action that matters the most and speaks the most truth about someone. In the end, I ended up getting that account banned as well, which only reaffirms what a piece of shit I am/was. I'm telling you all this because I want to express my remorse and that I am sorry for my behavior in this community and for the negativity I put out in the world with this platform. These two experiences ,out of many more, come most prominently to my mind when discussing a topic like this. I believe the only way I can even slightly affirm that I am sorry is by making this post. I need to not only apologize to Riot but the community and individual people I've hurt as well. I still have my tendencies and my triggers from time to time, but I want you all to know I am not the same person as I was a year ago. I may not have changed entirely and did a miraculous 180, but I do not want to be toxic anymore from this point forward and i never want to come close to being the person I was a year ago. I am sorry for being a toxic person inside and outside of this game. If you're reading this and are like me, just remind yourself its a game and that you will get past whatever you're dealing with in game and out of game. Whether it be big or small, Good luck with it and maybe I'll see you on the rift. {{summoner:1}} _**Never forget the day that Hernani reformed. (2/4/18.) **_ {{summoner:13}}
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