A Corporate Matter Season 9 Episode 8

**Episode: _Cats VS Dogs_** _**Many many years in the future:**_ {{champion:20}} "Grandma, grandma!" {{champion:164}} "What is it?" {{champion:20}} "I didn't know you were there for the great dog and cat war. That was so long ago." {{champion:164}} "Yes, I am very old." {{champion:20}} "Can you tell me about it, I have to write a report on it for my history class. Mom told me I should ask you since you actually lived through it." {{champion:164}} "Alright, sit down and I'll tell you a story. I was just a little girl when it happened. But I remember it so vividly. It did change the course of history after all." _**The present:**_ {{champion:119}} "Hello, if you are just joining us here at the 2019 Summoner Sweeties Pet Show. Things have escalated dramatically. Cats and dogs from all over have joined in and they are on either side of the field. Things could break out at any minute." {{champion:119}} "I want to go home Draven. Why won't they let us go home?" {{champion:119}} "Because we are under contract. We can't leave until the show is over." {{champion:119}} "It looks pretty over to me." {{champion:119}} "It may look that way. But it doesn't officially end until the judges choose a winner. And as they all ran for their lives when the fighting broke out. I do not see it ending anytime soon." {{champion:119}} "That does not make me happy." {{champion:119}} "What's this? It seems the cats and dogs are each sending a single representative to the center of the field. Let's see if we can listen in to what they're saying." {{champion:75}} "Greetings, I am Archduke Nasus of Dogterbury. This impending war is pointless. We all know dogs are bigger, stronger and better. It will be far more of a slaughter than a war. But we are not heartless. So we are granting you a one-time offer. Surrender, admit once and for all that dogs are the superior species. Do this and we will let you live on as our servants. Refuse, and cats will only be remembered as strange Egyptian deities." {{champion:55}} "Hello to you, I am Kitty Cat Katarina. It seems we can agree on one thing. This will be a slaughter, not a war. But you seem to be confused about who will be doing the slaughtering. Cats are faster, smarter, more agile. We have pointier teeth and sharper claws. You have no hope for victory. But I too will offer the dogs an alternative. If you surrender we will make your deaths quick and mostly painless. Dogs will be eradicated from this world one way or another. There is no sense in you suffering needlessly before. And trust me, we cats like to play with our food. We can make the suffering last." {{champion:75}} "You trifle with a force you do not comprehend. We will annihilate every cat on this or any planet. I am shall return to the dogs, we will attack at dawn!" {{champion:55}} "Well too bad, we're attacking in ten minutes." {{champion:75}} "Insolent vermin! We will begin our assault in nine minutes then!" {{champion:55}} "Oh wait, did I say ten? I meant five." {{champion:75}} "Four minutes until we advance!" {{champion:55}} "Three!" {{champion:75}} "Two!" {{champion:55}} "Now you have sixty seconds!" {{champion:75}} **"DOGS! WE ATTACK NOW! CHARGE THE CATS!"** {{champion:55}} _**"CATS! TIME TO KILL!"**_ **** {{champion:20}} "Really Grandma, they were fighting over minutes like children. It that how it really happened?" {{champion:164}} "Probably." {{champion:20}} "I need facts for my history report." {{champion:164}} "It happened decades ago, you can't expect me to remember every little detail. This is the way I tell my story. If you want to hear the rest of it, then shut up, you little brat. Now, where was I?" {{champion:20}} "They were just about to rip each other's throats out." {{champion:164}} "Oh, right, the battle." **** {{champion:203}} **"HAHA, YES. FLEE CATS, SO MUCH DEATH, SO MUCH FUN!"** {{champion:40}} "Pumkin cat, get 'em!" {{champion:19}} **"MY EYES, GET IT OFF ME!"** {{champion:96}} "Hey, cat man. **CATCH!**" _"Spits out a high-speed tennis ball."_ {{champion:83}} **"OOF!"** _"Gets hit center mass."_ {{champion:57}} **"CAT ATTACK!"** {{champion:105}} "I'm surrounded, why are there so many little ones?!" {{champion:42}} "Don't worry, me and The Flying Corgcus are here to help. Sick 'em boy!" {{champion:76}} "Not if I have anything to say about it!" _"Throws a catvelin at Corgi Corki."_ {{champion:42}} "Mayday mayday, we're going down!" _"Falls to the ground and rolls around a few times."_ {{champion:105}} **"NOOOOOO, YOU MONSTERS! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO SOMETHING SO CUTE? WELL, I HAVE A MONSTER TOO!"** _"Throws a giant steak."_ {{champion:107}} _"Appears out of stealth."_ "Haha, I got it. I don't know what this was going to do, but now it-" _"Gets eaten by a giant pug in a crown."_ {{champion:76}} "Oh dear Rito." {{champion:17}} "Attention dogs and cats!" {{champion:119}} "What's this, a badger has walked into the battlefield!" {{champion:17}} "This war has to stop. You are all wasting time, fighting each other when our true enemy laughs. Humans are the real problem, as long as they-" _"All the cats and dogs jump on him together."_ {{champion:119}} "In the name of Rito, they are ripping him to shreds. There is nothing left." {{champion:119}} "That is the most graphically violent thing I have ever seen. I am truly sorry to our viewers who had to witness that. But in case you missed it, here's an instant replay." {{champion:105}} "The cats are much stronger than we anticipated. It seems we are going to have to resort to-" **** {{champion:164}} "Zzzzzzzz." {{champion:20}} "Grandma!" {{champion:164}} "Huh, what?" {{champion:20}} "You fell asleep mid-sentence again." {{champion:164}} "Sorry. What time is it, almost seven? It is far past my bedtime. I am old and need my rest, scurry on now." {{champion:20}} "But grandma, after all that, you never told me who won the war." {{champion:164}} "Isn't it obvious?" {{champion:20}} "Not to me." {{champion:164}} "The real winner was the Corporates. They managed to get the merchandising rights to the war and all the cats and dogs involved. How do you think they got rich enough to buy all of Runeterra?" {{champion:20}} "I guess I never put the two together. Everything I have is Corporate owned and approved now, It's hard to imagine a time when they were just a company. Thanks, Grandma." {{champion:164}} "I'm just happy to have someone to listen to my old stories. Now go work on your Corporate homework, goodnight."
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