: Thanks you too! :) > I'm actually rather surprised; I really like this concept! I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. Elórin's kit seems really well balanced as a utility-focused one; although, I do see a few specifics about the kit that could be addressed and made better. Of course, I also want to share what I like about the kit, so I'll get the criticism out of the way first. > **Q** - Just for clarity: for "disabling debuffs," you might want to write in "crowd control" specifically since at first I thought it applied to all debuffs. Also, writing out explicitly the entire damage possible to be applied over the 1.75 seconds would be best, in my opinion. So, instead of... Technically not all disabling debuffs are crowd control. Silence and blind aren't really considered crowd control, but do disable the target. (Added a list to the description). > **W** - The blind active is a really nice idea, but I think the duration is a bit long. Many champions are reliant on basic attacks, and 2.5 seconds is a long time to wait if you're someone like Shyvana, Udyr, or Master Yi. I get that Elórin is meant to severely counter a lot of close-range champions, but perhaps 2.5 could be reduced slightly? I would try out 2 seconds at max rank. Yes, but only when facing her. Reduced to 2.2 seconds for starters, but reducing it too much might incentivise just powering through the debuff instead of turning one's back. I'd rather nerf the cooldown in that case. > If more cursed champions are near, more notifications could show up. I'm only a bit concerned about the directional aspect since, if Elórin's team can successfully help her curse all enemy champions, then she would effectively be able to know if anyone is nearby. Without the direction, she would just have to be more careful and put herself in positions where she can get a good idea of where enemies could come from. On one hand, yes. On the other hand, this would make it almost useless in lane unless the enemy jungler gives her a free curse. Knowing that the enemy laner is in the bush you just saw him walk into is not useful knowledge. Should I just reduce the range? > **E** - I'm not too sure about the wall being able to be right-clicked. Since that's the same as the movement command, I feel like a lot of miss-clicks could happen. That's particularly bad if an ally accidentally destroys the wall just by clicking on it. You could make the wall similar to Azir's ultimate, just without the movement speed bonus, where it allows allies to move through but not enemies. Thanks, changed it accordingly. > **R** - I'm actually not too sure if there's anything blatantly wrong with this ability. Sure, it's useless when there are not cursed champions in the fight, but if you were to curse and capture a high-burst hypercarry, perhaps Katarina, 2.25 seconds would be just enough time to destroy an enemy team in the right circumstances. I suppose the fact that it's useless in some situations and very strong in others might be an indication that it's broken... But I still really like the domination as a mechanic. I'm not so sure about this one. I made some major changes: instead of a skillshot, it is now a channelled tether with a short cast range. This prevents her from eschewing all creative uses of the ability in favour of just sniping a distant target and walking it into her team. It is much more dangerous to use, but combos well with Stone of the Mountain. Also, the target's abilities now scale 50/50 with their stats and her stats, so they won't do much damage unless she builds AP herself.
I'm glad that you found my comments to be helpful! I think the changes you made are just great. And, about the Stone of the Mountain passive, the range is fine; honestly, looking at it again, It's probably balanced enough as it is. I was just a bit over-cautious about it. I don't believe that you need to change it as it is.
: [CCOS] Elórin, the Pale Lady
I'm actually rather surprised; I really like this concept! I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. Elórin's kit seems really well balanced as a utility-focused one; although, I do see a few specifics about the kit that could be addressed and made better. Of course, I also want to share what I like about the kit, so I'll get the criticism out of the way first. ___ **Q** - Just for clarity: for "disabling debuffs," you might want to write in "crowd control" specifically since at first I thought it applied to all debuffs. Also, writing out explicitly the entire damage possible to be applied over the 1.75 seconds would be best, in my opinion. So, instead of... > 40/60/80/100/120 (+40% AP) magic damage per second You could replace it with... > 70/105/140/175/210 (+70% AP) magic damage over the duration Since it's 1.75 seconds. Being able to see the total possible really helps with being able to comprehend the total strength of the ability. ___ **W** - The blind active is a really nice idea, but I think the duration is a bit long. Many champions are reliant on basic attacks, and 2.5 seconds is a long time to wait if you're someone like Shyvana, Udyr, or Master Yi. I get that Elórin is meant to severely counter a lot of close-range champions, but perhaps 2.5 could be reduced slightly? I would try out 2 seconds at max rank. I mean, she already has a wall usable in the jungle and a terrain-based escape tool on her passive, so she still would be alright against a lot of melee champions. Unless she gets caught running back down her lane. As one last thing, I'm not all too sure about the W's passive. I mean, it's a cool mechanic that seems alright as it is, but I was thinking that it wouldn't have to point in the direction of the cursed champion. It might just be sufficient to have a sort of notification that simply notes that a cursed champion is nearby, similar to the "!" that shows up when Rengar is ulting close by. If more cursed champions are near, more notifications could show up. I'm only a bit concerned about the directional aspect since, if Elórin's team can successfully help her curse all enemy champions, then she would effectively be able to know if anyone is nearby. Without the direction, she would just have to be more careful and put herself in positions where she can get a good idea of where enemies could come from. ___ **E** - I'm not too sure about the wall being able to be right-clicked. Since that's the same as the movement command, I feel like a lot of miss-clicks could happen. That's particularly bad if an ally accidentally destroys the wall just by clicking on it. You could make the wall similar to Azir's ultimate, just without the movement speed bonus, where it allows allies to move through but not enemies. ___ **R** - I'm actually not too sure if there's anything blatantly wrong with this ability. Sure, it's useless when there are not cursed champions in the fight, but if you were to curse and capture a high-burst hypercarry, perhaps Katarina, 2.25 seconds would be just enough time to destroy an enemy team in the right circumstances. I suppose the fact that it's useless in some situations and very strong in others might be an indication that it's broken... But I still really like the domination as a mechanic. I'm not so sure about this one. ___ ___ Alright, so now that I've gotten all that out of the way, I want to say what I like about everything :3 * I think the Q as a channel is really neat since it causes an interesting trade-off: Elórin sacrifices her movement to extend the CC of another enemy. This would be really strong with a champion like Malzahar or Warwick on Elórin's team (that is, as long as the effect applies to suppressions), but at the same time, if you would want to execute something like that, it would require two of your teammates channeling at the same time, which would allow enemies to attack while they're channeling. I also like how she can't use the ability without applying CC first, which would mean getting up close to use her W stun. Well, 500 units isn't all that close, but Elórin still needs to use two abilities to stun a single target for 2.25 seconds and apply... **430 (+120% AP) magic damage** over ~2 seconds at Q and W max rank. That's not all that OP, so I like it! (Just as a side note: this reminds me of one of Nox's abilities, who's a hero from Smite. That ability seemed pretty balanced, even when Nox is allowed to move around within a tether range. Well, balanced for Smite.) * I kind of mentioned this before, but I really do like the idea behind her ultimate. I can imagine that it would be a bit sketchy in terms of mechanics and specific interactions, but I really would like for something like this to work! Very creative. * And I haven't said anything about this yet, but I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the lore! Your word choice works quite well for the story. I suppose that I wanted a bit more in terms of Elórin's character, though. I'm not so sure if I can see her as a character since she feels a bit stale. I feel like you could definitely add to her if you wanted to! Overall, I think you did an amazing job. I've looked at all the concepts submitted to the CCOS so far. I'm not a judge for the CCOS, but if I were, I'd put this one at the top. Very nice!
Rioter Comments
Candurill (EUW)
: [Champion Concept] Torvald, The Storm Bellow
Neat! I can see the concept in my mind, with Torvald thundering around the Rift; you did a good job explaining the mechanics! I would, however, like to express a few concerns about some technical aspects. First off, when you call Torvald "tanky," the only thing about his kit that allows for taking punishment is his passive that grants health regeneration and a small shield. The shield is alright for a tank attribute, but the health regen, as I see it, is only pseudo-tankiness due to it being a passive form of sustain. Since this champion would be getting up close and soaking damage, he would need a direct form of a more traditional tank attribute, like increased armor/magic resist from abilities. I'm afraid that instead of being tanky, he would just be a lame form of Garen, as he would take damage, hang back in-lane with ~60% or 100% static charge, and just wait for his health to come back. That doesn't support the style his high-damage close-range kit implies. I'm not entirely sure what you would want to do to encourage tankiness, but maybe you could do something creative with resist values and his static charge. As one last criticism: his ultimate has a few problems, one of which being the cooldown. I totally get that you would want to make it a long time between each time he casts it, due to its strength, but a really long cooldown is just not fun. It's mostly just a problem with not being able to use the ability often enough. Nocturne's ultimate, for example, used to have a longer cooldown than what it is now, and it's now at 150 / 125 / 100 seconds. That was buffed from something like 180 seconds on rank 1, so I would suggest reducing the cooldown, at least at the early levels, along with the strength of the ability. As for what to do with the strength, I noticed that the base damage is rather high, and for a champion that will be building AP anyways, I don't think it would hurt to lower the base damage. Other than that, if you were to add some more depth to Torvald as a character, it might help with his popularity on the boards. It's easy to like a champion if they're well-defined in their universe. I'm not saying that you should go all-out and give him lore like Braum, Kindred, or even the new Poppy, but if you could manage something more, that might help significantly. Overall, I feel like this has a lot of potential! Keep at it.
: [CCOS] November Entries Here!
Oh man, I remember last year when I got all hyped up about making my own champion concepts. The ones I made were terrible, but I had plenty of fun. Perhaps I could start that up again... Well, even if I don't, I want to do my best to look through and comment on the entries that come in. I remember what it's like to have an original champ concept of my own; I want to support anyone who feels the same way I once did. And it's not like I have anything better to do. {{sticker:slayer-jinx-wink}} I started playing League in the middle of Season 3, about when {{champion:266}} came out. I started ranked play in Season 4, got to Silver III, and managed to get to Silver I for Season 5. Anyone mind if a pleb like me gives my two cents about some concepts?
HentRex (NA)
: Shen vs Nasus lane? With Nasus as the singer? <3
Yes. I've been trying to think of which champion would be singing this sort of thing, but I haven't had a clear idea since I'm not familiar with top lane. Nasus is a great one!
Archon X (NA)
: good lyrics does plentakill still make songs? if so send it to them
Seems like Plentakill's last video was a year ago... Oh well. I'm glad you liked my idea, though!
: "Never Gonna Knock You Up" LoL Parody
> And if you ask me how I’m laning > Don’t tell me you’re too **blind** to see It makes sense if he's laning against {{champion:64}}
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
: Before I say anything else, I'd like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the story! Everything else is hyper critical because I think you are both skilled enough and interested enough in what I feel are for the most part minor nitpicks. By all means take my suggestions with a grain, or a shovel full, of salt. My two more 'major' complaints are... I don't really feel I know how old she is. All references seem to center around just after adolescence, but the distinction isn't 100% clear. there are some passages that suggest just reaching adolescence and wanting to avoid parental guidance, and others where her mental fortitude is far greater than I'd expect of a child of the age suggested by my initial expectation. 2nd. As much as I thoroughly enjoyed this character origin, I didn't really feel Shadow Isles from it. Mostly Shadow Isles characters feel somehow corrupted by power or death and this really didn't invoke any of that feeling. Even when characters at odds with the rest of the general populace (Riven for example) they still feel a part of that culture. This character feels a bit too at odds with at least my perception of the Shadow isles to feel truly integrated. I think her seemingly untarnished innocence is to blame for this feeling of mine. From now on the 'complaints' are smaller Again I will freely admit that I'm being overly critical. Your selections are unaltered, my comments are preceded by a - I could even smell how cold the fog was; it was a blue so frail that I thought it might fold under my hand if I touched it. -As evocative as this is, I really feel it sounds odd as you have smell dictating touch and then color again dictating touch. I can't think of a time where I felt that smell or color made me more in touch with a tactile sensation. It had a vacant stare that gave away nothing of the souls it had taken -Again very evocative, but very much out of character knowledge. What does the character at present know of the history of this cave? In front of that stump was a single severed grey twig, and above that stump was a pair of eyes so deep and so red and so sharp and so boiling angry -this passage leads directly into the chase. Too directly imo, the transition is far too abrupt and is very jarring. It had a blood-red hourglass on its abdomen, and its numerous eyes held a familiar luster – she even had the same sharp-toothed smile. -this passage suddenly shifts from 'a monster' to 'elise' with no real initial suggestion. For a while I wasn't sure if it was Vilemaw or Elise and while this section made it clear, it was also not as well shadowed as other revelations. I’d never felt this shear level of terror; -You've written far better/more descriptive sections throughout your work. I feel as though you could really make this evocative and hope you do! Walls of rock then burst up from the ground ahead of me, obstructing my escape. -This feels entirely out of place. It feels as though suddenly trundle/J4 appeared. To my knowledge no shadow isles character raises obstructions. I feel as though you could replace this with being caught/slowed by webs (keeping in line with Elise chasing her) and having her still escape her body. More to follow. I braced myself and charged with arms in front, prepared to break whatever necessary on collision. None could stop me. Nothing in that forest full of darkness and despair could pull me back. Everyone was gone. Everything was gone. It was my turn. -Cont. from above. I feel like everything here could be combined with the above. If you inserted a section about 'tearing' and the feeling of resistance as she thinks she tears free of the webs trapping her, but instead tears free of her mortal bindings (I'm sure you can put this far better than I!) I think you can achieve a similar effect with less disconnect. Even if you take none of my suggestions I hope my comments were helpful!
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And by no means should you feel bad about giving critical feedback; I want as much information as you're willing to give, especially if it's nitty-gritty. I'm hoping to take all the feedback I gain and use it to break down my story; by doing so, I can give it a glorious rebirth, turning it into something far greater than the last! Even then, it will not be perfect... so I will merely have to do it again, burn it and rebuild it as many times as I need to reach its maximum potential. People like yourself are my key to that state of perfection. And so, for that, I thank you immensely for your contribution! Now, allow me to begin my reply... > "I don't really feel I know how old she is. All references seem to center around just after adolescence, but the distinction isn't 100% clear. there are some passages that suggest just reaching adolescence and wanting to avoid parental guidance, and others where her mental fortitude is far greater than I'd expect of a child of the age suggested by my initial expectation." This has been an interesting problem for me, actually. I'm not entirely certain how old I should make this champion... At first I thought I would make her a little older than Annie, but then I thought she would be more of a teenager. Ultimately, my indecision appears to have shown in my writing. Once I manage to solidify her physical appearance, personality, and age, I'm certain I'll be able to make that clear. Your confusion could, however, be a result of the combination of the high diction and the portrayed age of the main character. She is quite young in the events of the story (or at least she appears to be), but the descriptions in first-person past-tense contradict that. I made this decision mostly based on the idea that she is retelling this story years after the fact, so she is older and more mature by the time she describes these events. I suppose you wouldn't expect that a ghost is aging, but if you consider it in terms of increasing maturity, it makes slightly more sense. **Nevertheless...** This contradiction is, to an extent, problematic. I will add this to my list of important aspects to consider during revision. > "As much as I thoroughly enjoyed this character origin, I didn't really feel Shadow Isles from it. Mostly Shadow Isles characters feel somehow corrupted by power or death and this really didn't invoke any of that feeling. Even when characters at odds with the rest of the general populace (Riven for example) they still feel a part of that culture. This character feels a bit too at odds with at least my perception of the Shadow isles to feel truly integrated. I think her seemingly untarnished innocence is to blame for this feeling of mine." This is an *extravagant* point you've made. As much as I enjoy being creative, it is vital that Runeterra's archetypes are respected. This actually gave me an idea as to how I can fix this conflict... The solution would probably be in the form of molding how this champion looks or acts. Her appearance would certainly have to be creepy-Shadow-Isles-y (avoiding recreating Kalista, of course), but she would also have less innocence and more... fear, I suppose. It's somewhat difficult to explain. I would need to have less emphasis on innocence and more emphasis on how she is... *corrupted by fear?* Her perpetual terror could become her Shadow Isles corruption and "power" (as her screams are meant to be her main weapon). This would also somewhat solve the problem with the excessive innocence. As long as I put more emphasis on the terror and how it affects her, this could work out quite nicely... > "As evocative as this is, I really feel it sounds odd as you have smell dictating touch and then color again dictating touch." Indeed, my descriptive words certainly diverged at that point. I think I was attempting to be creative... I just wish I would do that at the *right* time. I'll make the imagery more tangible, for certain; I have enough abstract stuff happening later... > "Again very evocative, but very much out of character knowledge. What does the character at present know of the history of this cave?" I *was* going to argue to support the description, but then you made that point... she wouldn't know the history of the cave, would she? I mean, as I explained previously, the story is meant to be told from the perspective of the character's older self, but that's a terrible excuse to include something confusing such as this. This is another classic case of me being overzealous with the cave. Again, I'll try to keep it more tangible. > "this passage leads directly into the chase. Too directly imo, the transition is far too abrupt and is very jarring." Yes, the transition... I'm not sure if I want to keep the change from "eerie" to "high-blood-pressure-oh-mah-goodness" sudden or gradual. I kind of like the sudden approach, as most of what the character does is run in fear without much question. I suppose I attempted to justify the suddenness with a menacing description of the eyes... but now that I think about it, I could make that far more effective by adding another sentence or two of description. That would increase transitional effectiveness *and* keep it feeling sudden, but the additional sentences would make it a less jarring approach. Very nicely mentioned, I'm glad you said something! And, by the way, I talked with some of my friends about this passage... I'm removing that grey twig. Too much cliche. I'll think of an even better reason for her to turn around; perhaps some rocks scraping against one another? > "this passage suddenly shifts from 'a monster' to 'elise' with no real initial suggestion. For a while I wasn't sure if it was Vilemaw or Elise and while this section made it clear, it was also not as well shadowed as other revelations." Well that's no good... I need that connection to be clear and effective. That's an important part... *perhaps* I could further emphasize Elise's connection with spiders earlier in the story, so that the reader can subconsciously suggest to themselves that it could be Elise before it's even stated? That way it feels like a grand revelation... right? Eh, I'll try that first, and if it doesn't work, I'll try something else. I'm glad you mentioned this, too! > "You've written far better/more descriptive sections throughout your work. I feel as though you could really make this evocative and hope you do!" Why thank you =3 I think by that point I just wanted to get in some more personal feelings of the main character among the excitement... I could have also wanted to simultaneously drag it down into simpler terms after some crazy descriptions. It may not have been a good idea to do that in the middle. I'll certainly do what I can to elevate her terror to a tier at the edge of what is fathomable. I wouldn't want to go beyond, because then the reader can't relate or understand. > "This feels entirely out of place. It feels as though suddenly trundle/J4 appeared. To my knowledge no shadow isles character raises obstructions." Indeed, I have to admit, rereading that one part, the rocks feel out of place. I wanted to continue the whole "the world is against me" sort of feeling, but rocks are *not* the way to do it here. > "I feel as though you could replace this with being caught/slowed by webs (keeping in line with Elise chasing her) and having her still escape her body... If you inserted a section about 'tearing' and the feeling of resistance as she thinks she tears free of the webs trapping her, but instead tears free of her mortal bindings (I'm sure you can put this far better than I!) I think you can achieve a similar effect with less disconnect." Now, this... **THIS** is a *SPECTACULAR* suggestion! Like, I can't even describe how excited I am about the mere *idea* of incorporating this into the story. I can FEEL this happening. My fellow summoner, you are **GOLDEN.** Thank you. Genuinely, thank you. ___ And yes, thank you for *all* of your input and suggestions. I'm not certain if you realize how helpful you've been, but please believe me when I say that you are one of many miracles that have happened upon me while working on this concept (just like Bioluminescence over there). I'm sorry I can't give anything in return, but one thing I can promise, is that I will eventually fix up this lore of mine with all of the feedback I've accrued, and will continue to accrue for as long as summoners like yourself come along to help. I imagine I'll get to working on this again in a couple of weeks, during Spring Break. In the meantime, I'll solidify what I want her physical appearance to be, so that there are no inconsistencies in the story. I feel like the next version will still require at least one more revision afterward to become ready... But based on how much feedback I've gained, if the next version isn't perfection, I'm almost afraid to know what is! Again, thank you for your critical feedback. You are an indispensable asset to my work, and I will not forget it. I may just have to include an "Honorable Mentions" with the summoner names of those who have helped me... Of course, with their permission. ;)
: Hey AMonsoonofBabies! (what a name ;) I don't work directly on League - but I *can* read! So that's my qualifications for my feedback. Overall concept is pretty cool - though, I'm more familiar with banshees being harbingers of death than terrified girl ghosts. The way you write her makes her out to be first special that Elise's powers do not affect her - and then really determined and focused in the subsequent chase. If her defining feature is supposed to be fear, then I'd almost be tempted to have the rest of her special qualities emerge from that. --- > This woman called herself the Spider Queen. She looked underneath her hood at the large group of us standing in front of her; I was a bit confused by this turn of phrase - perhaps saying that 'she looked from beneath her hood' would convey your meaning a little clearer. > I quickly looked down and gripped my father’s hand tighter. I knew I was old enough to stop holding my parents’ hands, but I really didn’t feel like being a “big girl” at that moment. I liked these lines! They quite clearly gave me an idea of what sort of age the narrator was, and that she was already scared beyond mere pride. >I just stopped there, as I didn’t see any point in prying. I pouted a bit, and I released my hold on his fingers. That, too, went unnoticed. I let my gaze wander while the bug-eyed woman continued her chant. Two things here - first, the cut off statement didn't seem to be coming across as prying. I'd imagine that the narrator would be pleading, or even wheedling - but the "Dad, I..." doesn't imply a question yet. I could imagine "Dad, I want to go home." or "Dad, I don't like this." Next - is Elise actually bug-eyed? She's arachnid related (and of course, spiders aren't insects ;)) but her eyes are frequently depicted as red, but not particularly bug-like. You could instead use this time to play up how commanding she is, how calm and assured of her power? Set the stakes high. >Jagged shards hung down from the arch overhead, marred from what looked like generations of wear. Liked all the description of the cave, though some of it got a bit confused in my head. Is the arch marred by generations of wear? I could imagine the steps being so - but an arch doesn't get much wear, imo. Perhaps describe it a little more cleanly - but add in more elements of foreboding. Are there the echoing clicks of hungry pincers? A preponderance of spiderwebs? A disturbing lack of any other wildlife - not even birds? >For a moment, I thought it looked taller than it did before; but then I thought, if nothing was behind me, what made the noise? Aw yiss! Chills. >I threw myself into the maze of trees nearest to me, bounding around spades of rock, leaping over stretches of roots, and shoving through tendrils of mist, running for all I had left. I was going to start arguing for a 'beat' of time where eyes were locked, where the primal parts of the human mind seize up briefly in the face of a pure predator - but I actually like your way better. If this champ concept is all about running (and I can imagine this would have some mobility, from the description) then avoiding any messing around with cliche timewasting is a good idea. No idea what a spade of rock is though! >The grotesque arachnid crushed the earth with every bound of its eight legs. Maybe 'stab' of its eight legs? I never think of a spider bounding. Except maybe those jumping spiders. Also, it's occurred to me that running while screaming is damn hard. Maybe this is an indication of her eventual powers that she can do both at once, but I've often found (lazy bones as I am) that if I run all out - I've got no lungs left for screaming. I'm not sure what you can do about that without fundamentally changing the story - so maybe you can make it work. >I broke through the wall of stone. I mean, I did, but my body didn’t. Passed a loud crunch, I slipped through the wall, tumbling softly and slowly in mid-air. A mix of things here. The "I mean, I did, but my body didn't." actually comes across somewhat conversational - almost funny. It's just the turn of phrase. Maybe, instead, you could write something like: > *I broke through the wall of stone - though I left my broken body behind when I did.* Not sure what "passed a loud crunch" means - possible typo? The last paragraph seems a strange mix of calmness and screaming. I think I get what you were going for - that fear was the only thing she had held on to from her mortal life - but the post-death sequence just conveyed such peace that it seemed at odds with the statement that fear was all she was now. I can see the issue where you were trying to build up to a climax of fear - and then pay that off with the death - but that level of terror is such an active emotion that I'm not sure how to do that and keep it going. Hopefully you can get some more feedback on it - and better minds than I can offer suggestions! ---------- Overall - I think it's pretty cool! Visually I wonder if a female shadow-isles ghost will overlap too much with Kalista's look. How do you imagine this champion interacting with other champions - she has a rivalry with Elise, yes - but does she have any allies? Is she effectively a creature of instinct like Rek'Sai (fear overpowering all else) or does she have lucid moments? What would you call her?
First of all, I'm very thankful that you took the time to read my lore and give extremely thoughtful feedback! I very much appreciate it. I will certainly take into account everything you've listed here. Everything you've said is absolutely useful to me! I'll see if I can't repay you by answering some of your questions... > "Next - is Elise actually bug-eyed?" I'm glad you mentioned that; the image of Elise is important, and if there's something off about her description, everything just falls apart from the get-go. She shouldn't be bug-eyed, since that's a sort of comical description of someone who's meant to be menacing. I'll certainly take your suggestions for this part! > "Liked all the description of the cave, though some of it got a bit confused in my head. Is the arch marred by generations of wear?" Yes, about the cave entrance... the thing I was going for was to make the cave into a gaping mouth of a creature that swallows Elise's cultists. Specifically, the marred "teeth" on the arch are supposed to be from "eating" countless souls over the time Elise has been doing this. I admit, the implication was a bit much... I'll need to change up some descriptions, for sure. > "Are there the echoing clicks of hungry pincers? A preponderance of spiderwebs? A disturbing lack of any other wildlife - not even birds?" That is a VERY good suggestion; I was thinking of ways to bring the reader into the scene more, and wildlife never crossed my mind (probably because the Shadow Isles are a *very* dead place; perhaps too dead). I really like that idea, so I think I'll include that, or use it to replace some descriptive sentences that are otherwise lacking or not useful. > "If this champ concept is all about running (and I can imagine this would have some mobility, from the description)..." In fact, for her current ability set I have for her *(work in progress),* she does have one ability called **Veiled by Fear** which has a passive component, but also lets her gain a boost of speed for two seconds. I'm thinking that the three basic components of being scared would be *running, hiding,* and *screaming,* so I made her abilities like that. I'll eventually post a full champion concept on the boards, but I really want the lore to be as *flawless *as possible so that people connect with her. Summoners enjoy playing champions with *character* (like Jinx, for example), so I want something similar for my champion concept as well. > "No idea what a spade of rock is though!" Heh, I just wanted the rocks to sound sharp, maybe a new noun is in order... > "Maybe 'stab' of its eight legs? I never think of a spider bounding. Except maybe those jumping spiders." *VERY* nice point; if I recall, I was a bit hesitant to use "bound," but I couldn't think of anything else at the time. "Stab" does have the more aggressive connotation with it, so I'll try using "stab" and see how that works. Thanks! > "Maybe this is an indication of her eventual powers that she can do both at once, but I've often found (lazy bones as I am) that if I run all out - I've got no lungs left for screaming. I'm not sure what you can do about that without fundamentally changing the story - so maybe you can make it work." That's an interesting point that I never considered... maybe I could play it off as being just a product of her, as I described, "immortal" level of terror. I did mention she felt her throat bleeding, so I *could* try to be lazy and leave it as is... :P Of course, I'll still take a gander and see if I can bring some logic back into the story without taking out the fantasy. > "The 'I mean, I did, but my body didn't.' actually comes across somewhat conversational - almost funny." Well, I did intend for there to be a noticeably abrupt transition right at that point, and I did get a similar feeling when I read it over... but it may have transitioned into the wrong kind of atmosphere. Thanks for noting this, I'll work on that too. > "Not sure what 'passed a loud crunch' means - possible typo?" ALAS, THE TYPO, MY MORTAL FOE, ONCE AGAIN-- nah, I'm kidding, that was intentional. Still a mistake, however... I admit, that's a bad attempt at grammar on my part. I'll patch that up. > "The last paragraph seems a strange mix of calmness and screaming. I think I get what you were going for - that fear was the only thing she had held on to from her mortal life - but the post-death sequence just conveyed such peace that it seemed at odds with the statement that fear was all she was now." Now, here I *was* trying to make a juxtaposition between calm and fear, just in an attempt to convey how she is now essentially afraid of nothing. Of course, if it just confuses the reader, it's a bit useless. :| Eh, I'll try and see if I can get what I was trying for with some more explanation. Adding a few more sentences couldn't hurt if it means wrapping up nicely. Thank you for noticing this and letting me know! ___ > "Visually I wonder if a female shadow-isles ghost will overlap too much with Kalista's look." This has been my fear since the very beginning, you have no idea! DX I was so afraid that she would just end up being a combination of Kalista and Annie that my obsession with originality was absolutely screaming. **As a result,** I believe I want to make her into a Yordle. A kind-of-creepy-looking Yordle. I'm still not 100% on her appearance (not even 50%), as I'm going slowly with this concept. I only started working on her a few weeks ago, so (for me at least) that's still pretty early. I feel like once I get the lore together, and out of my system, her appearance will stem from that. But seriously, this lore has been consuming my life for the past ten days; I can't think of anything else! It's awesome. :) > "How do you imagine this champion interacting with other champions - she has a rivalry with Elise, yes - but does she have any allies?" I don't think she'd have any allies... she might just end up being too afraid of anyone to make friends. Kind of like Amumu, but instead of everyone staying away from him, she stays away from everyone else. Still not sure though... > "Is she effectively a creature of instinct like Rek'Sai (fear overpowering all else) or does she have lucid moments?" Based on what I've pulled together so far, she's a bit of both. She tries to not be afraid, but ultimately her fear is far too strong for her to overcome. I'll give an example... Her /Joke I have set up now goes as follows: she says something reassuring like *"I-I’ve been working on my confidence--"* but then she feels a gust of wind from behind, and she cowers in fear. You know, she acts like she's a bit better, then she gets startled. Other quotes have her so scared that she's on the verge of tears; those make more sense with the activation of her abilities. > "What would you call her?" Right now, I have her named as **"Mimi, the Voice of Terror."** I know it doesn't sound too good... as a Yordle, she needs a sort of Yordle name, but she needs the dramatic title, too. I like the title, but I'm not sure about the name. (Title not my idea, by the way; credit to a friend who's helped far more than she needed to.) I'll keep the name for now until something more amazing shows up later... And, just a little note, I got "Mimi" from the "screaming meemees" used to describe German artillery. Not sure if I'm overstepping bounds here, so I'm a bit on the fence with that. ___ Alright then. So, thank you again for taking the time to read and help me out! It sounds like you enjoyed reading my lore, so as long as I didn't waste your time, I'm happy! I'll continue to have as many people read this as I can (without bothering them), so they can flesh out all the issues. I'll keep revising until it's perfect; this idea deserves nothing less in my eyes. Of course, perfection can't happen in a day, or even a month. I'm going to keep at it for as long as there are people such as yourself willing to lend feedback! Again, **Thank You!**
  Rioter Comments
22rei (NA)
: Oh. :o You're right, but I have no idea how to fix that... it'd be like Elise, Nidalee, and Jayce, but... I don't really *want* it to be like that. Maybe her W and E would have different cooldowns, but her Q wouldn't? Since her R doesn't exist in the Avenger form, and her Q is basically the same attack. I suppose that having a sort of warning would be good, but wouldn't having to communicate with your teammates help promote teamwork? I can see why that might be a problem, though... maybe Aimee should say something. Like "Look there, in the distance! Is that my one true love?" or something. Visuals... maybe she could get confused-looking? One last thing. Aimee was judged, and she sort of flopped/failed. XD I read the feedback on it, and I was thinking maybe she *is* too much of a bruiser support. She's only useful as a healing machine until she turns into her Avenger form. And then she goes all adc. But that probably isn't what you'd want. So I was wondering if her passive should be changed so that... in the first 2 seconds, she gets an movement speed and attack damage boost like before. Later, what if it decays until it slows her? And then maybe her passive only stops slowing her until she reaches her Beloved's dead body, or base, or something? Is that too much of a detrimental passive? I'm trying to think of ways for her to be more Beloved-dependent instead of, once he dies, she becomes the adc... >.>;;
Well, I'm sorry to hear that she wasn't as successful as you'd hoped. Don't give up, though! Aimee is an idea that has great potential. If something doesn't quite work out, you can always find a different idea to replace it with. Even if you feel that you need to overhaul a large portion of her abilities or identity as a champion, you should try going through with another idea in its place; trying multiple paths for a champion concept will help you narrow down what works and what doesn't. With that said, I don't think a passive that eventually slows Aimee would help very much. I mean, the Beloved is already dead, so being slowed after a while would only make things worse, particularly with long chases. That would ultimately come down to how she feels when played. The speed modification is a good thematic choice, but it might just end up frustrating the player. Keep trying with ideas though! I'll see if I can't think of anything myself.
22rei (NA)
: Aimee, the Heartbroken
I was looking over Aimee's stats again, and I actually just thought of a few things... If her Avenger form is activated only when her Beloved is dead, then that duration is going to scale into the late game while death timers increase. It's going to be difficult for an enemy, ally, or even Aimee herself to know how long exactly she will stay in this aggressive form without looking at the tab screen. For clarity purposes, you may want to include some sort of visual effect for when she is about to change back into her usual form; it wouldn't be anything big, just something like Gnar's transformation visuals. It might do some good to mention that. Also, with regard to really early game, those death timers are really low. I'm not certain about the actual times, but they couldn't be longer than 15 seconds that early. With a really small window to act, it made me wonder if the Avenger abilities have cooldowns that are separate from her standard abilities. For example, if Aimee just used *Sweet Kiss* to try and save her Beloved, but he dies anyway, it wouldn't feel to good to have *Grief* still be on cooldown from that. Of course, you can decide to make them the same cooldown, but I feel like it would be best to clarify that somewhere.
22rei (NA)
: Haha, that reminds me of your summoner icon. XD Since your icon has a veil, is feminine, and... well, yeah. I could try to draw something, but my art skills are only okay with non-human-looking things. >.< I could try to help you with the naming, but I think you're just being careful/diligent. Yeah! Your sense of champion abilities and item builds seems really thorough, so I feel like you'd have a very well thought-out champion concept. :) gl on finishing her quickly!
Well, if you're willing to spend time drawing something for me, I have no reason to decline! Although, I imagine it would be difficult to assist me when you don't know exactly who it is you're drawing. =P But, at this point, I'm probably just cluttering up your comment section. It may be best if we hold off on that until I make up my own discussion page on the boards. I'll just accept "fanart" on the page. And thank you for the good wishes!
22rei (NA)
: :) Who is your champion concept? (sorry for being lazy when you did all that math, but I'd have to go through things almost one-by-one with a freezy computer) Okay, I think I might change that then, thanks!
Glad to help any time. My concept doesn't have a face yet (quite literally), so I'm still working on her, but I have the lore, stats, and abilities all in order. She's supposed to be based off of a banshee (basically [Ghost Bride Morgana](http://ddragon.leagueoflegends.com/cdn/img/champion/splash/Morgana_5.jpg)'s concept), and she has massive disengage/reengage utility in extended teamfights. As I mentioned, she's really similar to Ghost Bride Morgana, and she's another Shadow Isles champion, so I need a bit more time to find a way to give her a unique name and look to make sure she sticks out enough for people to care. I'm also not an artist by any means, so I would need to either vividly describe her appearance (which is what I plan to do), or enlist someone who cares enough to draw something up for me for free (which I'm not counting on). I'm also really bad with names; the last time I tried to name something like this, it took me three days. ;~; I'll try to let you know when I get everything finished, if you're interested.
22rei (NA)
: Wow. Your math skills are pretty cool. :) You've given me a lot of very useful feedback, so I'm glad that you think it's well balanced right now. I think I won't make any changes to her kit unless I decide to swap her Q with E so she'd have to aim E. XD Just kidding! That's not a viable reason to switch them. Maybe I should consider making the cooldown lower... I'll look back on it and check to see if I want to do that. Thanks again for replying! :) I got a friend to review my concept, and he said that Aimee's avenger Q should pull enemies to her. Would pull, stun, and damage be too op or should I change that? I'm sorry if I'm being a hassle, but you've been a big help. >.<
I don't think a pull and small stun on Q would be too much, considering how it's her only ability she has (while her Beloved is alive) that can affect enemies. You see things like that with Morgana and Sona who have a lot of power in one ability because their other abilities have strong limitations or are strictly utility-based. Even my champion concept has that issue. =P
: Oreonna
"Doodle" Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here, with no artistic abilities. **Sad Violin* But really, this is pretty funny, I like it. Sadly, it's only easy to tie in the Oreos with her tutu and ball, but it would still be amusing to throw reverberating Oreos at people.
22rei (NA)
: Thanks for the feedback. :) I totally get what you mean now. I personally have no runes and no sense of maxing things and champion builds, so I didn't even consider that sort of thing could happen. Now that you've pointed it out, I think I should probably fix that. >.< I'll change Sweet Kiss' numbers. Grief is supposed to be next to his corpse, or else it might be a little bit... well, it wouldn't make as much sense. It might get too much power, and that wouldn't be good. If Grief had more power, you'd be rewarding people for dying. So like yeah. I hope that makes sense. I edited my post: does that even things out? :) And by the way, do you think I should make it so she has to aim her E? BECAUSE HER NAME IS AIM-EE. Sorry, I'm spazzing. XD THANK YOU!!!
I'm glad (and surprised) that you took the time to read my comment! I'm pretty confident that your changes to **Sweet Kiss** are balanced well enough; even though the numbers could still be quite high, the "remaining health" aspect would be a great way for the enemy team to reduce her healing power. And I really don't think you need to make it a skillshot, since that would mean that she can *miss* her Beloved, which would just be silly. =P However, the cooldown time scaling is a bit high... I get that the high cooldown justifies the high numbers easily, but 50 seconds is kind of a bit too high. You could probably just do a flat cooldown like 30 seconds or so for that. Considering how her abilities mostly scale with AD, bonus AD, and health, one could easily just buy Zeke's Herald for damage, health, and cooldown; that would warrant a slightly higher time, but it doesn't have to be as high as 50 seconds. I would just suggest evening out the range of the cooldown time scaling around 30 - 45 seconds. ___ As for **Grief**, I'm not all that concerned about it. If anything, it would be interesting to have the damage be quite high when near the dead Beloved. That would make the damage significant enough for the enemy team to reconsider killing the Beloved first. Then again, most people wouldn't have the luxury to think that through, since the Beloved is more than likely the ADC, so I feel like its current numbers would balance it out. Just to be sure... A little more math. > Aimee lashes out, dealing **35/55/75/95/115 (+60% bonus AD)** to **70/110/150/190/230 (+120% bonus AD)** physical damage to nearby enemies depending on how close Aimee is to her Beloved’s corpse. Aimee gains 30% Attack Speed for each enemy that killed or assisted in her Beloved’s death that she hits. Let's say Aimee is building all tank and doesn't have any bonus AD with her. At level 1... > *Pfft, no math here* She deals **70** max damage to everyone nearby when closest, and **35** when farthest. Well... level 1 is usually pretty weak anyways. It makes sense, and it doesn't unfairly grant massive damage in the laning phase. That's pretty balanced. Let's say next that she maxed it first, and she has AD from Zeke's Herald. > 20 (Zeke's Herald AD Aura) x 1.2 (Closest Range **Grief** Damage Scaling) = 24 So at max level and one item of AD (remember, she's building tank), **Grief** deals **254** physical damage at closest range, and **127** at max range. That's actually pretty sound, I like that. She gets the attack speed too, so for a tank I'd say that's balanced. ___ But... what if she went damage? And not just damage, but... *damage?* This math is about to get serious... > 21.69 (100% Flat AD Runes) + 4.55 (Bonus AD from Masteries at level 1) + 7 (Doran's Blade) = 33.24 > > 33.24 x 1.05 (Bonus AD 5% Increase from Masteries) = 34.9 > > 34.9 x 1.2 (Closest Range **Grief** Damage Scaling) = 41.88 > > 41.88 + 70 (**Grief** Closest Range Base Damage) = 111.88 > > ___ > 111.88 x 1.03 (General Increased Damage Output from Masteries) = 115.24 Therefore, at level 1, **Grief** deals up to about **115.24** physical damage up close, and about **57.62** damage far away from the Beloved. That's a pretty strong level 1 nuke, and that doesn't include armor penetration, but that's what you get when you go 100% damage. Now... let's try late-game. > 21.69 (100% Flat AD Runes) + 14 (Bonus AD from Masteries at level 18) + 247 (Doran's Blade, Bloodthirster, Infinity Edge, Essence Reaver) = 282.69 > > 282.69 x 1.05 (Bonus AD 5% Increase from Masteries) = 296.82 > > 296.82 x 1.2 (Closest Range **Grief** Damage Scaling) = 356.19 > > 356.19 + 230 (**Grief** Closest Range Base Damage) = 586.19 > > ___ > 586.19 x 1.03 (General Increased Damage Output from Masteries) = 603.78 So... at level 18 and with Doran's Blade, Bloodthirster, Infinity Edge, and Essence Reaver... **Grief** deals **603.78** physical damage at close range, and **301.89** damage at the farthest range. ... Okay, well, I'm not sure what to make of that, honestly. It sounds balanced... if you go full damage, you're going to get damage. The numbers are within range of what I'd consider reasonable. Even though 603 is pretty high, that's when you're right next to your dead Beloved. And, in reality... Since she's melee, she couldn't have the luxury of building 100% AD damage like an ADC. Maybe in ARAM, but not where it matters. The numbers can get higher than that, though. So ultimately, I'll just leave these numbers here (again) and let you make a decision. I think everything's fine with it, especially considering that she only has access to it when her Beloved is dead, but if these numbers concern you, you can do as you please. Aimee's your champ, after all. ggwp, math OP
22rei (NA)
: Aimee, the Heartbroken
I really like the idea of a champion who goes berserk over a friendly champion's death; I haven't thought of anything like that before. I can really see something like this working out, especially with the ally latch mechanic. There are just a couple of small details that bother me about her **E**... For Aimee's **Grief** ability... > Aimee lashes out, dealing 50/70/90/110/130 (+60% bonus AD) to 100/140/180/220/260 (+120% bonus AD) physical damage to nearby enemies depending on **how close Aimee is to her Beloved’s corpse.** I'm not particularly sure if it's smart to make it based on the death location of the Beloved. I mean, teamfights are usually really hectic, and they often move about the map quite quickly. I totally get that it's a thematic aspect, as it ties nicely with the lore, but It would be pretty difficult to make use of that effectively, especially if the Beloved died from getting sniped by Jinx or from a DoT while she was backing a long ways away. However, that could be a good counter tactic to use, so maybe it would be alright. But mainly, for **Sweet Kiss**... > Aimee and her Beloved are healed for between 50/70/90/110/130 **(+10% Aimee’s max health)** to 100/140/180/220/260 **(+20% Aimee’s max health)** health depending on how close Aimee is to her Beloved. **Nearby ally champions are healed 50%** of how much Aimee/her Beloved are healed. Now, here I'm just a bit concerned about the overall numbers. Max health scaling can get pretty crazy with ability numbers, so let me present an example. Say Aimee starts with some defense masteries and runes that give % max health. > 608 (Base lvl 1) + 36 (Masteries) = 644 > > 644 x 1.12 (12% total max health Seals, Quintessences, and Masteries) = 721.28 > > 721.28 x 0.10 (**Sweet Kiss** max range max health ratio) = 72.1 So, at level 1, this ability can give an AoE heal of **122.1** health to Aimee and her Beloved at max range, and about **61** to every champion nearby. For perspective, Alistar heals himself for 60(+20% AP) at level 1, which could be around **68.4** with about 42 AP. He heals everyone else (including minions) by half as much - **34.2** health. That's... okay. But that's at max range. It's twice that up close. Let me squeak in some mid-to-late-ish game tank numbers too. Say Aimee built a Warmog's and a Randuin's, and has her Face of the Mountain built too. > 644 (Base + Masteries) + 1800 (Warmog's, Randuin's and FotM) = 2444 > > 2444 x 1.12 (12% max health) = 2737.28 > > 2737.28 x 0.10 (**Sweet Kiss** max range max health ratio) = 273.72 Okay, so say Aimee maxed **E** first this time. At max range, she can heal herself and her beloved for **403.72** health and heal everyone else for **201.86** health for 80 Mana at max range. Alistar with 300 AP and maxed **E** can heal for **240** health and give **120** health to everyone else for the same amount, 80 Mana. Well that was a whole lot of numbers... but what I'm trying to say is that these numbers are *DANG HIGH*. Aimee would become the most powerful healer the the entire League of Legends. When Aimee has at least 3 large health items and strong health masteries, every 12 seconds (7.2 seconds with 40% cooldown) the entire team can replenish more than a total of **2300** health for 80 Mana in a single cast. > *Takes off glasses* > > "SHEEEEEEEEEEIIIIT" > > *Puts glasses back on* So, uh, TL;DR: nerf some numbers and you're good. I would recommend changing the scaling, maybe change from max to bonus health and change the ratio a bit. But other than that, NOICE CHAMP M8! PS: I really like the lore. Very nice touch. PSS: Had to redo all my math because I thought it was 21% max health runes & masteries instead of 12%. MATH.
: Dance Dance Evolution Viktor
So bump, much comment, wow.
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AMonsoonofBabies

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