Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Annie, Olaf, Twitch, and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Boku No Corporate Academia_** {{champion:75}} "Alright you delinquents, listen up! I have been tasked to teach a business course so you teens have an idea of what to do with your future." {{champion:126}} "Who needs to learn about business, we are at the god-weapon academy. Training to be heroes, not office workers." {{champion:75}} "Do you know how many academy students actually end up making a living as heroes? About two percent. Everyone is so sure they are gonna make it, the idiots don't learn how to do anything else. Then when they fail, they have to resort to using their talents to entertain children's birthday parties. Or worse, they turn to a life of crime. Learning how to run work in a business environment not only gives you something to fall back on. It will teach you how to invest your money properly when you are too old to be a hero." {{champion:81}} "Will all due respect Mr. Teacher. This sounds like something we can worry about later. Right now we're young, we should focus on the fun stuff." {{champion:75}} **"DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA HOW FORTUNATE YOU ARE THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME AGREED TO TEACH BRATS LIKE YOU?!** {{champion:99}} "I for one am very grateful that you are teaching this course. I think it's a great idea to learn to do more than just be a hero." {{champion:55}} "You seem to have forgotten to wear your collar, Ms teacher's pet." {{champion:75}} "If you teens don't shut up and let me start teaching I am going to start stacking instead." _**Later, in the teacher's lounge:**_ {{champion:75}} "That on one of the toughest rooms I have ever been in. And I'm the guy who stopped the early sales on 1350 RP skins." {{champion:104}} "Don't worry, it doesn't get any easier. I hate teaching, and children." {{champion:75}} "Then why are you a teacher?" {{champion:104}} "I have my reasons." {{champion:350}} _"Jumps on Nasus's head."_ "Oooh, so mysterious." {{champion:75}} "What is this? What's going on? What is on my head?" {{champion:104}} "That's our Battle Principle, Yuumi. She likes to jump on peoples heads." {{champion:75}} "Well, I don't like her on my head. Get off." {{champion:350}} "Fine, you smell like dog anyway." _"Jumps onto her floating book."_ {{champion:75}} "You have a flying book?" {{champion:350}} "Flying battle book!" {{champion:75}} "Do you guys just shove the word battle in front of everything here?" {{champion:104}} "Yep, pretty much." {{champion:350}} "Except for our bus, which we just have to call a bus do to legal reasons." {{champion:75}} "This is gonna be a long couple of weeks." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:82}} "Is my new armor almost ready, peon?" {{champion:29}} "Yes my lord, soon you will the most badass and feared thing in all of Runeterra." {{champion:82}} "Good, then we will enact my plan. If we strike down the heroes before they can become heroes. Then there will be nothing left to stop us." {{champion:29}} "I still don't know how you plan on breaching their defenses." {{champion:82}} "It is not your place to know. I have it all worked it. Just finish my armor!" _**To Be Continued:**_
: New free champion rotation: Miss Fortune, Ashe, Ahri and more!
Hey everybody, I forgot to mention; There will not be a new episode of A Corporate Matter today or next week. Sorry for any disappointment and that I didn't announce it ahead of time.
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Teemo, Master Yi, Sivir and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _No Time For Losers_** {{champion:498}} "I need your help." {{champion:150}} "Why me Honestly, what do you all think I am going to do?" {{champion:498}} "I have a problem only a Corporate can fix, and you are the least intimidating Corporate here." {{champion:150}} "What, I'm totally intimidating. Aren't I, Soraka?" {{champion:16}} "Ehhhh..." {{champion:150}} "I can be very intimidating if I want to be." {{champion:498}} "Oh yeah sure, but we're off topic. It's Rakan, ever since you guys gave him another world champion skin without me, he's gotten a really big head. He barely even talks to me anymore and has become a huge diva. You need to fix it." {{champion:150}} "Oh, it's an Esports skin problem. Sorry, you're going to have to talk to our Esports Corporate." {{champion:498}} "You have an Esports Corporate?" {{champion:150}} "Yeah, with how big Esports are around here of course we do. It would be a pretty big plothole if we forgot to add one." {{champion:498}} "Great, who is it?" {{champion:150}} "Who is what?" {{champion:498}} "The Esports Corporate." {{champion:150}} "Right right..... I don't actually remember. We do have one, right Soraka?" {{champion:16}} "You're asking the wrong girl. Besides, isn't Art Master Malzahar in charge of the skins?" {{champion:150}} "He's in charge of most of them. But someone who I evidently have no memory of gets the final say on Esports skins." {{champion:498}} "Well thanks, you have been absolutely no help to me." {{champion:150}} "Hey, it's not my job to fix your love life. Maybe you should try couples counseling." {{champion:16}} "Have you tried actually talking to Rakan about your issues?" {{champion:498}} "Sit down and discuss our feelings? Ew." {{champion:16}} "Being able to have disscussions like this is one of the most important things in a relationship." {{champion:498}} "Fine, I'll try that. This is gonna suck." _**Some time later:**_ {{champion:498}} "Rakan, we need to talk!" {{champion:497}} "Can't right now babe. Got a press tour to go on. Maybe some other time?" {{champion:498}} "No, not some other time. Now!" {{champion:497}} _"Snaps fingers."_ "Hello, someone help? My girlfriend is being extra moody and a bit too clingy. Yeah, can one of you get her out of here?" {{champion:106}} "Come on, the champion needs some space." {{champion:498}} "Touch me and you'll be filled with more feathers than a rich man's pillow. I'll leave after I've talked with Rakan." {{champion:497}} "Listen Xayah, I'd love for you to come with me. But, after I was chosen as a world champion a second time, I can't be seen in public with someone like you. I'm a champion, and right now I have no time for losers." {{champion:498}} "But, what about our SSG days?" {{champion:497}} "Those are old now. People only care about the present, and right now that's me. I'm sorry you weren't good enough this year. Now, where is my Iced Coffee? **I ASKED FOR AN ICED COFFEE FIVE MINUTES AGO AND IT'S STILL NOT HERE! I AM GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES, AND IF THERE ISN'T A COLD CAFFEINATED DRINK IN MY HAND WHEN I OPEN THEM I AM GOING TO START FIRING INTERNS!!!!**" {{champion:498}} "I knew this talking thing was never going to work. Rakan, if you don't give up this IG act and come home with me right this instant; I swear to Rito I am going to beat you so hard that you will beg for the sweet release of death. But no, I won't let it come for you, not until after I've fed you to a desert creature. It will digest you for a thousand years, and you will be alive for every agonizing second of it." {{champion:497}} "Okay okay, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of it. I just liked having my own thing for once. I forgot how scary you w-" {{champion:498}} _"Looks at him angrily."_ {{champion:497}} "I mean, how amazing you are and how much I love you. Can you please forgive me?" {{champion:498}} "That's a good boy. Now let's go home and maybe I'll think about forgiving you."
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Rengar, Morgana, Kha'Zix and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Conquering Conquerors With Conqueror_** _**"KNOCK KNOCK!"**_ {{champion:240}} _"Opens door."_ "What do you want?" {{champion:12}} "Hi, I'm conqueror Alistar. I'm here to conquer this office building." {{champion:240}} "Yeah, nice try. I don't want any damn cookies. Go away!" _"Slams the door in his face."_ _**"KNOCK KNOCK!"**_ {{champion:240}} **"I SAID NO!"** _**The heavy door is slammed once again. Breaking its hinges and sending it flying right on top of Korporate Kled.**_ {{champion:240}} "Come on, we just fixed this door!" {{champion:12}} **"I AM HERE TO CONQUER, AND I BROUGHT FRIENDS!"** {{champion:43}} "I'd hardly call us friends." {{champion:110}} "I don't know, I think we can be described as work friends." {{champion:43}} "The word you're looking for is acquaintances." {{champion:240}} "Ugh. **ALL GUARDS REPORT TO THE MAIN LOBBY!**" {{champion:427}} "What do you need boss?" {{champion:19}} "Hmmm, I smell a battle." {{champion:29}} **"HI!"** {{champion:240}} "Where are the rest of you all?" {{champion:19}} "We're it." {{champion:240}} "What, that's not right. Didn't I hire like fifty guards?" {{champion:427}} "You did boss. But remember, you fired them all. Or sent them to the underworks. You don't really tell me much so I'm not sure." {{champion:240}} "Oh yeah, right. But I'm sure I kept that rocky fella around. Where's he?" {{champion:29}} "You mean Guard Gargoyle Galio? He's still around, but I'm not sure he knows that he is supposed to show up when you call the guards, He's none too bright." {{champion:240}} "Fine then, we will make do with this. **GET OFF MY PROPERTY!!!!**" _**They charge the Conquerors and have a battle in the lobby.**_ {{champion:19}} "Why aren't they dying?!" {{champion:29}} "I don't know, I'm giving 'em all I got." {{champion:110}} "You fools, you can't kill a Conqueror!" {{champion:240}} "That's it, they are running Conqueror as their keystone." {{champion:427}} "That's not fair, with a rune like that, we'll never kill them. It's just too much healing." {{champion:240}} "We can't compete with that level of healing. Warwick, quick, go get me the monk!" {{champion:19}} "On it!" _"Breaks into an all-out sprint."_ _**Upstairs:**_ {{champion:40}} "Corporate Lee Sin's office, what do-" {{champion:19}} _"Runs past her."_ {{champion:40}} "Fine, whatever." {{champion:64}} "Warwick, what do- hey, get hands off! **HELP, I'M BEING ABDUCTED! JANNA, DO SOMETHING!**" {{champion:40}} "Not in my job description." _**Back down in the lobby:**_ {{champion:19}} "Got him." {{champion:240}} "Good. Listen, my team can't fight this overpowered conqueror rune. You need to do something." {{champion:64}} "I can't. Me and Riven are finally back together and she relies on it so much that a nerf to it would be a nerf to her. And I can't take the chance at upsetting her right now." {{champion:240}} "Well, if you don't do something our building will be conquered by the Conqueror wielding Conquerors." {{champion:427}} "What a tongue twister." {{champion:64}} "You don't need me to nerf the rune. You just need someone who can abuse it more and out-heal them. Hang on, I have an idea." _"Runs back to his office."_ {{champion:12}} "You finally ready to surrender to our glorious power?" {{champion:240}} "We need to stay alive and hope Lee's plan works. Everyone still got their stopwatches?" {{champion:427}} {{champion:19}} {{champion:29}} "Yep." {{champion:240}} "Now's the time to use 'em!" _**They all become invulnerable.**_ {{champion:43}} "Well, isn't this just a tremendous waste of time? We are just going to kill you as soon as those watches wear off." {{champion:266}} "Not if I have anything to say about it." {{champion:110}} "Aatrox? I thought you hated the corporates as much as anyone." {{champion:266}} "I do hate them for what they did to me. But now I have made a deal. Save them today and I get a part of myself back. Which I can use to kill them later. Prepare to once again face, **A DRAIN TANK!**" {{champion:110}} "Brother no!" {{champion:43}} _"Blasts Aatrox."_ "We have nothing to fear. Look how much damage on hit does to him. **EVERYONE, UNLOAD ON HIM!**" {{champion:12}} **"HE'S ALMOST DEAD, DON'T LET UP!"** {{champion:266}} "Hahahahaha!!!!" {{champion:110}} "It's never good when you burst them down and then they start chuckling." {{champion:266}} **"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! PREPARE TO FACE THE TRUE POWER OF THIS RUNE!"** _"Lands one Q and gets all his health back."_ {{champion:12}} "Not good." {{champion:43}} "Yeah, I'm out of mana." {{champion:110}} **"RUN AWAY!"** _**They were unable to run away, all attempts to fight were futile. Aatrox healed all the damage as soon as he took it. It was a bloody massacre.**_ {{champion:240}} "Woo, now that was fun to watch. Thanks, friend." {{champion:266}} "Do not thank me, the contract I signed with Lee Sin prevents me from killing you right now. But rest assured, I will return when it runs out. And you will rue that day." _"Flys away."_ {{champion:427}} "Why does everyone seem to hate us so much?" {{champion:240}} "Everyone hates that which they fear. **NOW GET BACK TO WORK!**"
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Ekko, Kai'Sa, Akali and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Who Gets To Say Our Hobbies Don't Fit Who We Are_** {{champion:427}} "So, once we are done restoring everything, do you think they might let us add a few things? Since we are working on the building anyway." {{champion:89}} "It's doubtful, but it would be nice to make a few improvements." {{champion:427}} "Yeah, we could do a lot. What would you add, if you could?" {{champion:89}} "Hmmm, an exercise room. Treadmill, weights, that kind of stuff. With these crazy hours Kled is having me work I don't have time to go to the gym as often as I like." {{champion:427}} "What about you Pyke, something spooky I'm sure." {{champion:555}} "I'd like a huge fish tank, right in the main lobby. For everyone to see when they first walk in." {{champion:89}} "That's awfully tame of you." {{champion:555}} "I miss the ocean." {{champion:89}} "You haven't said what you would want, Ivern." {{champion:427}} "Easy, a Basketball court." {{champion:89}} "Basketball, really?" {{champion:427}} "It's a secret passion of mine. It would be amazing. I would be a true Dunkmaster. And all the other Dunkmasters would come to my court to chill and play Basketball. I can imagine it now." **** {{champion:119}} "What is up ladies and gentlemen. I am Catseye Primetime Draven. Hosting this Dunkmaster 3v3 on the Corporate Courts. This is my co-host, Tanzanite Primetime Draven." {{champion:119}} "Draven, you ever notice how we are the only announcers, for any event. Don't you think it gets a little repetitive?" {{champion:119}} "It's because we are simply the best. Besides, this is only a daydream, so we aren't really even here." {{champion:119}} "Ah, that makes sense. Well, let's get to the game. Let's let the home team introduce themselves." {{champion:427}} "Dunkmaster Ivern here, taking names and winning games." {{champion:11}} "I am the original Dunkmaster Yi. You are all nooblords compared to me. {{champion:254}} "Dunkmaster Vi's my name, I'm just here to make you look lame. {{champion:119}} "Oooh, poetic. And the visiting team?" {{champion:122}} "Name's Dunkmaster Darius. I'm the full package; Playmaker, spine breaker." {{champion:75}} "They call me Dunkmaster Nasus, the more I dunk, the harder I dunk." {{champion:420}} "My name is Dunkmaster Illaoi. I put the **slam** in slam dunk!" {{champion:119}} "Now this is a game. **LET'S PLAY BALL!**" {{champion:11}} "Let me, the pro. Get the ball for us." {{champion:122}} _"Runs in and grabs the ball."_ "What is it you mastered, Yi? Sucking?" {{champion:11}} "Wow, you are one rude dude." {{champion:254}} "I got him." _"Charges and misses Dunkmaster Darius."_ {{champion:122}} "Those are some pretty big hands to drop the ball with, Vi." {{champion:427}} "You can't get past me." {{champion:122}} _"Runs past him and dunks for a score."_ "Looking a little stiff there, Ivern." {{champion:119}} "**AND HE SCORES!** What a legend." {{champion:122}} "Hey, Draven! Momma said you were adopted!" {{champion:119}} "Wow, that was uncalled for. You alright Draven?" {{champion:119}} _"Wipes away a tear."_ "Yeah, I'm perfectly okay." {{champion:420}} "Do you think we should do something to help him?" {{champion:75}} "Nah, he normally 1v5's, this is nothing for him." {{champion:11}} "You are very terrible. And not cool at all. There are some cool Dunkmasters, but you are not one of them. In fact, you might the uncoolest Dunkmaster ever." {{champion:122}} "Oh, I'll show you." _**Many epic Basketball plays later:**_ {{champion:119}} "It's all come down to this. Tie game, one minute left." {{champion:122}} "Gimme the ball!" {{champion:427}} **"NEVER!"** _"Throws the ball into the air."_ {{champion:122}} "You moron, that isn't going to go anywhere near my basket." {{champion:427}} "I wasn't aiming for the basket. **GO DAISY!**" _**A giant rock monster with a Basketball jersey on appears out of nowhere and grabs the ball.**_ {{champion:119}} "Another player has entered the game!" {{champion:119}} "Is that even legal?" {{champion:119}} "Considering that Darius ripped one of the hoop posts out of the ground and started beating his competitors with it. I'm not sure we have refs to decide." {{champion:119}} "I don't know if it matters though, there are only seconds left on the clock." {{champion:427}} "Daisy throw it now!" {{champion:119}} "She throws the ball towards the hoop. It's wobbly but still on course. Will it go in? It could go either way. Wow, it's almost like it's in slow motion." {{champion:427}} "Come on, come on, come one!" {{champion:122}} "Ivern, what are you doing?" {{champion:427}} "Huh?" {{champion:119}} "Ivern, come on!" {{champion:427}} "What?" **** {{champion:89}} **"IVERN!"** {{champion:427}} "Yes!" {{champion:89}} "What are you doing? I need your help to replace this wall." {{champion:427}} "Sorry, I was just thinking." {{champion:89}} "There will be plenty of time for that later. We are on a really unfair schedule and I don't want to get fired." {{champion:427}} "Yeah alright, sorry." {{champion:89}} "Hold this, I have to go grab something." {{champion:427}} _"Closes eyes."_ "I'm finally a winner."
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Jayce, Swain, Lissandra and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _We Only Have One Licensed Universe Left And Are Milking It For As Much Money As We Can_** {{champion:240}} "So, you have been keeping unknown alien lifeforms locked up here without telling me?" {{champion:36}} "You busy with fire repairs. Besides, Corporate Mundo know how to build cage, nothing get out." {{champion:240}} "Yes, but it's my job to protect this building. And I can't defend a property that is hiding something from me." {{champion:36}} "And me telling you now." {{champion:240}} "What are you even planning on doing with aliens?" {{champion:36}} "Corporate Mundo holding them until me find scientist to study them. Maybe learn new money opportunity." {{champion:240}} "So, they are just in here?" {{champion:36}} "Yep." _"Opens door."_ {{champion:240}} "Hmmm, these things are freakier than some of my hallucinations. I thought you said you had five?" {{champion:36}} "Corporate Mundo do have five." {{champion:240}} "No no, there is definitely only four here. This cage is empty." {{champion:36}} "Hahah, right right. That just mean it got out." {{champion:240}} **"IT GOT OUT?!"** {{champion:36}} "Wait, no. My cage impenetrable, nothing get out." {{champion:240}} "Oh thank Rito. A freaky loose alien is not something we need right now." {{champion:36}} "Yeah, no worry. Someone must have stolen it." {{champion:240}} **"WHAT!? THAT'S WORSE!"** {{champion:36}} "You right. **SOMEONE STEAL CORPORATE MUNDO'S NEW CASH COW!** Me is going to need you to find thief and bring back alien." {{champion:240}} "Stolen property, now that's something I can handle. Don't worry, I'll get your thing back." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:238}} "What the hell!? What the hell!? **WHAT THE HELL!?**" _**"Calm down Sade, there is nothing to fear."**_ {{champion:238}} "Calm down? I just wanted to steal something good to sell. So I wasn't thrown out on the street next week. Not merge with a freaking alien. Or whatever you are." _**"It's we now."**_ {{champion:238}} "Not, it's not _we._ It's me and no one else." _**"You don't have to be so rude."**_ {{champion:238}} "**RUDE?!** You're the one who entered my body without consent. Around here we call that rape." _**"I'm sorry. But there was no time. We had to get out of there quickly."**_ {{champion:238}} "Well, you can get out of me quickly now too." _**"I can't do that. Without a host, I will die."**_ {{champion:238}} "Look, I feel sorry for you, that really sucks. But I want to live my life as me, not as a host to some alien." _**"Well, sorry to inform you. But that is never going to happen. They know who took me and will be here shortly. Without me, you will die."**_ {{champion:238}} "That's insane. They can't possibly know who stole you." _**"They had it warded."**_ {{champion:238}} "Shit." _"Gets stabbed by a harpoon."_ {{champion:555}} "There you are. The new number one on my list. You took something that doesn't belong to you." {{champion:238}} **"I DON'T BELONG TO ANYONE!"** _"Grows a scary alien ninja suit."_ {{champion:555}} _"Picks up a walkie talkie."_ "Hey boss, I found him. Yeah, he went back to his apartment like an idiot. But uhh, he definitely has the Alien. And I think it's about to kill me, so I could use some back-up." {{champion:238}} **"You messed with the wrong Galaxy Slayer!"** _"Really, that's your title. You sound like a five-year-old."_ {{champion:238}} **"Would you shut up and let me kill this fool?"** _"No, no killing. I may be a thief, but I still have morals."_ {{champion:238}} **"No killing? But I just said I was a Galaxy Slayer. I commit genocides of entire civilizations for fun. Killing one undead human is nothing to me."** _"Don't care, you want me to be your host, you will follow my rules. No killing is one of them."_ {{champion:238}} **"Fine, but if I cause permanent brain damage; it's not my fault."** {{champion:555}} "Hey, alien thing, you okay? You're just talking to yourself." {{champion:238}} **"I'm just peachy."** _**Pyke proceeds to get absolutely wrecked. The alien ninja blinks back and forth through the room. Throwing Pyke around, slashing him with his various blades. Cutting him to pieces with his shuriken.**_ {{champion:238}} _"Hey! I said not to kill him!"_ **"What? He's still got like five hp left. I didn't say I wasn't going to have a little fun."** {{champion:555}} "W-w-what are you?" {{champion:238}} **"We. Are. Zed!"** _"Teleports away."_ {{champion:238}} _"Oh my Rito, why are you so edgy?"_
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Ornn, Xayah, Kindred and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Cats VS Dogs_** _**Many many years in the future:**_ {{champion:20}} "Grandma, grandma!" {{champion:164}} "What is it?" {{champion:20}} "I didn't know you were there for the great dog and cat war. That was so long ago." {{champion:164}} "Yes, I am very old." {{champion:20}} "Can you tell me about it, I have to write a report on it for my history class. Mom told me I should ask you since you actually lived through it." {{champion:164}} "Alright, sit down and I'll tell you a story. I was just a little girl when it happened. But I remember it so vividly. It did change the course of history after all." _**The present:**_ {{champion:119}} "Hello, if you are just joining us here at the 2019 Summoner Sweeties Pet Show. Things have escalated dramatically. Cats and dogs from all over have joined in and they are on either side of the field. Things could break out at any minute." {{champion:119}} "I want to go home Draven. Why won't they let us go home?" {{champion:119}} "Because we are under contract. We can't leave until the show is over." {{champion:119}} "It looks pretty over to me." {{champion:119}} "It may look that way. But it doesn't officially end until the judges choose a winner. And as they all ran for their lives when the fighting broke out. I do not see it ending anytime soon." {{champion:119}} "That does not make me happy." {{champion:119}} "What's this? It seems the cats and dogs are each sending a single representative to the center of the field. Let's see if we can listen in to what they're saying." {{champion:75}} "Greetings, I am Archduke Nasus of Dogterbury. This impending war is pointless. We all know dogs are bigger, stronger and better. It will be far more of a slaughter than a war. But we are not heartless. So we are granting you a one-time offer. Surrender, admit once and for all that dogs are the superior species. Do this and we will let you live on as our servants. Refuse, and cats will only be remembered as strange Egyptian deities." {{champion:55}} "Hello to you, I am Kitty Cat Katarina. It seems we can agree on one thing. This will be a slaughter, not a war. But you seem to be confused about who will be doing the slaughtering. Cats are faster, smarter, more agile. We have pointier teeth and sharper claws. You have no hope for victory. But I too will offer the dogs an alternative. If you surrender we will make your deaths quick and mostly painless. Dogs will be eradicated from this world one way or another. There is no sense in you suffering needlessly before. And trust me, we cats like to play with our food. We can make the suffering last." {{champion:75}} "You trifle with a force you do not comprehend. We will annihilate every cat on this or any planet. I am shall return to the dogs, we will attack at dawn!" {{champion:55}} "Well too bad, we're attacking in ten minutes." {{champion:75}} "Insolent vermin! We will begin our assault in nine minutes then!" {{champion:55}} "Oh wait, did I say ten? I meant five." {{champion:75}} "Four minutes until we advance!" {{champion:55}} "Three!" {{champion:75}} "Two!" {{champion:55}} "Now you have sixty seconds!" {{champion:75}} **"DOGS! WE ATTACK NOW! CHARGE THE CATS!"** {{champion:55}} _**"CATS! TIME TO KILL!"**_ **** {{champion:20}} "Really Grandma, they were fighting over minutes like children. It that how it really happened?" {{champion:164}} "Probably." {{champion:20}} "I need facts for my history report." {{champion:164}} "It happened decades ago, you can't expect me to remember every little detail. This is the way I tell my story. If you want to hear the rest of it, then shut up, you little brat. Now, where was I?" {{champion:20}} "They were just about to rip each other's throats out." {{champion:164}} "Oh, right, the battle." **** {{champion:203}} **"HAHA, YES. FLEE CATS, SO MUCH DEATH, SO MUCH FUN!"** {{champion:40}} "Pumkin cat, get 'em!" {{champion:19}} **"MY EYES, GET IT OFF ME!"** {{champion:96}} "Hey, cat man. **CATCH!**" _"Spits out a high-speed tennis ball."_ {{champion:83}} **"OOF!"** _"Gets hit center mass."_ {{champion:57}} **"CAT ATTACK!"** {{champion:105}} "I'm surrounded, why are there so many little ones?!" {{champion:42}} "Don't worry, me and The Flying Corgcus are here to help. Sick 'em boy!" {{champion:76}} "Not if I have anything to say about it!" _"Throws a catvelin at Corgi Corki."_ {{champion:42}} "Mayday mayday, we're going down!" _"Falls to the ground and rolls around a few times."_ {{champion:105}} **"NOOOOOO, YOU MONSTERS! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO SOMETHING SO CUTE? WELL, I HAVE A MONSTER TOO!"** _"Throws a giant steak."_ {{champion:107}} _"Appears out of stealth."_ "Haha, I got it. I don't know what this was going to do, but now it-" _"Gets eaten by a giant pug in a crown."_ {{champion:76}} "Oh dear Rito." {{champion:17}} "Attention dogs and cats!" {{champion:119}} "What's this, a badger has walked into the battlefield!" {{champion:17}} "This war has to stop. You are all wasting time, fighting each other when our true enemy laughs. Humans are the real problem, as long as they-" _"All the cats and dogs jump on him together."_ {{champion:119}} "In the name of Rito, they are ripping him to shreds. There is nothing left." {{champion:119}} "That is the most graphically violent thing I have ever seen. I am truly sorry to our viewers who had to witness that. But in case you missed it, here's an instant replay." {{champion:105}} "The cats are much stronger than we anticipated. It seems we are going to have to resort to-" **** {{champion:164}} "Zzzzzzzz." {{champion:20}} "Grandma!" {{champion:164}} "Huh, what?" {{champion:20}} "You fell asleep mid-sentence again." {{champion:164}} "Sorry. What time is it, almost seven? It is far past my bedtime. I am old and need my rest, scurry on now." {{champion:20}} "But grandma, after all that, you never told me who won the war." {{champion:164}} "Isn't it obvious?" {{champion:20}} "Not to me." {{champion:164}} "The real winner was the Corporates. They managed to get the merchandising rights to the war and all the cats and dogs involved. How do you think they got rich enough to buy all of Runeterra?" {{champion:20}} "I guess I never put the two together. Everything I have is Corporate owned and approved now, It's hard to imagine a time when they were just a company. Thanks, Grandma." {{champion:164}} "I'm just happy to have someone to listen to my old stories. Now go work on your Corporate homework, goodnight."
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Ezreal, Xin Zhao, Kayle and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _The 2019 Summoner Sweeties Pet Show_** {{champion:16}} "Well, if there's a bright side to our building being set on fire, it's that we get a couple paid days off." {{champion:19}} "And just in time to go to the 2019 Summoner Sweeties Pet Show. Thanks again for coming with me." {{champion:16}} "No problem, I've never been to a pet show before." {{champion:19}} "This year is different than normal. We are finally going to settle it, once and for all. Cats VS Dogs, who is better. I just wish I was one of the competitors." {{champion:16}} "Well, they have to make sure the cats have a small chance. If you were competing, this competition would be over in minutes." {{champion:240}} **"WOO, COME ON, LET'S GET TO THE FIGHTING!!!"** {{champion:16}} "Korporate Kled, what are you doing here?" {{champion:240}} "What? I do fun stuff every once and a while." {{champion:16}} "Yeah, but aren't you supposed to be helping with the repairs back at the office?" {{champion:240}} "I have my best and brightest working on it. They don't need me to be there twenty-four seven." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:89}} "Now, did this desk go here? Or over there?" {{champion:427}} "Hey, wasn't there a potted tree somewhere over here." {{champion:89}} "I don't remember. The fire damage is really bad here." {{champion:427}} "I'm sure we will replace everything and it will be just like it was. Or Mr. Kled is going to fire us." {{champion:89}} "I'm sure no one will notice if we are a little bit off. What about those "security upgrades" that he wanted. What do his plans say?" {{champion:427}} "I'm not sure. He said these are what he wants. But it's mostly just drawings of him fighting, squirrels?" {{champion:89}} "What? Let me see those! Those aren't squirrels, they're badgers. Or maybe weasels?" {{champion:427}} "He really seems to hate them, whatever they are. And what's with all the mushroom drawings everywhere?" {{champion:89}} "I don't know, I can't make any sense out of these drawings. We are so screwed when he gets back." _**Back at the pet show:**_ {{champion:16}} "So, who are you rooting for, the cats, or the dogs?" {{champion:240}} "Neither, I'm just here for the carnage." {{champion:16}} "Carnage?" {{champion:240}} "The cat dog war has been going on for centuries. Today is the day it finally ends. The ultimate battle to decide the winner." {{champion:19}} "No no, this is a peaceful pet show. They are showing off their talents and beauty in an individual setting. There will be no physical fighting." {{champion:240}} "You may think that, but you fill a stadium with a bunch of determined cats, dogs, and their crazed fans. And what you have there is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off." {{champion:105}} "Let me through, **LET ME THOUGH!!!**" {{champion:19}} "Something is going on over by the gate." {{champion:240}} "I'm gonna go check it out." {{champion:141}} "It okay, you don't have to do this. You will be a slave to these humans no longer." {{champion:105}} "Slave? I'm getting paid to do this." {{champion:141}} "It's horrible that they force you to do these terrible demeaning things in order to make less than minimum wage. Be brave, stand up to your abusers. You are worth just as much as the rest of us." {{champion:105}} "Kid, I get paid far more than the minimum. And I happen to like the fact that I get paid to show off for my adoring fans. And if you and your ninjas don't get out of my way, I am going to start showing off a little early." {{champion:141}} "You poor thing, so abused you don't even know that you are." {{champion:240}} **"HEY, LEAVE THE DOG ALONE!"** {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} "Oh, hello there, rapist." {{champion:240}} "Z'Kayn, I thought I was rid of you and your Social Justice Ninjas for good." {{champion:141}} "The war goes on. Just because I was unable to help the poor women at your office doesn't mean there still isn't those in need. And I can't stand idly by while people like you abuse and enslave these poor animals." {{champion:240}} "Well, I suggest you move on. Otherwise, your ass is going to be the thing in need of help." {{champion:141}} "Ugh, always resorting to violence. Just like the child you are. Come on ninjas, let's go help elsewhere." {{champion:105}} "Thanks, the show is about to start and he was going to make me miss it." {{champion:240}} "No thanks necessary. Idiots like him need to be dealt with." {{champion:105}} "Well, I better get ready." _**A few minutes later:**_ {{champion:119}} "For centuries they have fought. But today, cats and dogs settle it once and for all. I'm your host, Obsidian Primetime Draven." {{champion:119}} "And I'm Pearl Primetime Draven." {{champion:119}} "First up, we have Corgi Corki!" {{champion:119}} "Oh my Rito Draven, that is the cutest thing I have ever seen." {{champion:119}} "I didn't know Corgis could fly, somehow that only makes them more lovable." _**One ace doggo later:**_ {{champion:119}} "Hahaha, that was spectacular. Next up, we have Meowrick!" {{champion:119}} "Is that just a guy in a catsuit?" {{champion:119}} "Well, that's just a little bit weird. But, do to our new policy, you only need to identify as a cat or dog to enter. We don't judge here. Well, except for our judges." {{champion:119}} "Hang on, he's just summoning more cats. I can't handle it, Draven!" _**One pet show later:**_ {{champion:119}} "Well, that was possibly the greatest display of pet prowess that I have ever seen." {{champion:119}} "And now we wait, our judges are deliberating on who the winner is. In the meantime, while we have all our contestants standing out there. Why not one more round of applause?" _**"Thunderous cheering!"**_ {{champion:119}} "Hang on, what's this? There's something out on the field." {{champion:119}} "It's a giant rat!" {{champion:29}} "Hey guys, I'm a little lost. Can anyone point me to the cheese factory?" {{champion:119}} "Our contestants seem to be getting a little riled up." {{champion:119}} "Well, if there's one thing cats and dogs can agree on, it's that they hate dirty rats." {{champion:119}} "Well then, this isn't going to go well." {{champion:107}} **"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, RAT!"** {{champion:105}} "No, that is the biggest rat I've ever seen. Far too big for a cat. The kill belongs to me." _"Jumps in front of him."_ {{champion:83}} "Not if I have anything to say about it." _"Slams Fuzz Fizz in the face."_ {{champion:19}} **"HEY, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DO THAT!"** _"Leaps onto the field."_ {{champion:16}} "Warwick, what are you doing!?" {{champion:76}} "The dogs are cheating and bringing more members onto the field. But we can do that too." _"Leaps onto the field."_ {{champion:29}} "I feel like I messed up." {{champion:119}} "More and more audience members are jumping onto the field. This is getting really out of hand." {{champion:119}} "I'm afraid for my life Draven, they look like they are about to kill." {{champion:119}} "I'm sure they are Draven, I'm sure they are. It looks like this war is going to be settled the old fashioned way." _**To Be Continued:**_
Rioter Comments
: I've been doing A Corporate Matter for so long, it has been an amazing and wonderful time. But all good things must come to an end, and I've decided to move on to a new chapter of my life. I have decided to become a professional Fortnite coach. I am going to dedicate 100% of my time to Fortnite, which means that I will no longer be able to write A Corporate Matter. Also, as I know almost nothing about Fortnite, I am going to have to sell my League account to afford Fortnite lessons. You guys have been great, but I have found my true calling. Please, wish me luck in this endeavor.
April fools! You guys didn't actually fall for that, Fortnite, really? Here is this week's less than normal episode: #A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Season09-Episode06-Title-"The-2019-Summoner-Sweeties-Pet-Show"_** {{champion:16}} "Well, if there's a bright side to our building being set on fire, it's that we get a couple paid days off." {{champion:19}} "And just in time to go to- _**"STATIC"**_ _**"STATIC"**_ _**"STATIC"**_ _**"STATIC"**_ _**"STATIC"**_ _**"STATIC"**_ {{champion:17}} "Holy shit, we actually did it?" {{champion:45}} "Sarge, you're transmitting." {{champion:17}} "Oh, right. Hello, now I know, you are probably expecting the Cats VS Dogs event story. Well, I'm sorry to say, that has been canceled. From now on you are reading An Omega Squad Matter." {{champion:18}} "I thought we agreed that we weren't going to say that." {{champion:17}} "I know what we talked about, but I liked it. And I'm back in charge so I get to decide." {{champion:105}} "She does have a point, it doesn't really roll off the tongue like A Corporate Matter does." {{champion:17}} "Well, this is live so too late now. Speaking of which, stop interrupting me. You are making us look like idiots." {{champion:105}} "Alright, keeping my opinions to myself." {{champion:17}} "Now where was I? Oh right. We, the Omega Squads, have taken over A Corporate Matter. From now on you can come here every week to read about our heroism, our stories. If you don't like it, then too bad. But trust me, we are far more entertaining than the Corporates ever were, just watch." _**A few minutes later:**_ {{champion:29}} "Alright, who replaced all the regular coffee **WITH DECAF?!**" {{champion:17}} "I did, you don't need all that caffeine with you working on us. You are a Doctor, and you need steady hands." {{champion:29}} "Dammit Sarge, I'm a miracle worker, not a doctor!" {{champion:45}} "Has anyone seen the open missile I left on the table." {{champion:105}} "Yeah, I threw it out." {{champion:45}} "What, **WHY?!**" {{champion:105}} "What do you mean why? It was a missile, in pieces, that you had already fired once. It was taking up the whole table. Missiles are only meant to be used one time." {{champion:45}} "I know, but that one was still in pretty good condition. I could have fixed it back up." {{champion:105}} "It was a safety hazard, you would risk our safety to save a few bucks on a new missile." {{champion:45}} "Well, I have to save money where I can. Since certain members of our team love to waste so much of it on the unnecessary." {{champion:105}} "You leave my swimming pool out of it. I am fish and need it, you know that." {{champion:17}} "Guys guys, is this really the content you want to be in our first episode?" {{champion:18}} "I don't know what you were expecting. I told you, we don't do anything interesting enough to fill a weekly story." {{champion:17}} "Yeah, well I know a secret to get something to happen. Quick, someone mention how nice and peaceful today is." {{champion:29}} "But it's not. Today sucks, like every day." {{champion:17}} "Just do it, someone." {{champion:105}} "I'll humor him. Wow, today sure is nice and peaceful. I love just relaxing and having nothing crazy happen." {{champion:18}} "Now what?" {{champion:17}} "Give it a minute." {{champion:18}} "You okay Sarge? Did you hit your head or-" **"Knock Knock Knock!"** {{champion:17}} "See told you something was gonna happen." {{champion:51}} **"PILTOVER POLICE, OPEN UP NOW!"** {{champion:45}} **"IT'S THE COPS!"** {{champion:18}} "You ratted us out to the police? **TRAITOR!!!**" {{champion:17}} "What, I would never. I didn't know this was going to happen." {{champion:51}} "They aren't responding, you know what to do." {{champion:254}} "On it." _"Punches open door."_ {{champion:105}} **"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"** _"Runs."_ {{champion:51}} **"WE GOT A RUNNER!"** {{champion:106}} "Not for long." _"Runs him down."_ {{champion:18}} **"FIGHT, THEY ARE NO MATCH FOR THE OMEGA SQUAD!!!"** _"Leaps at the police."_ {{champion:48}} "Who knew raiding a terrorist den would be this fun. DIE, HAHAHA." _"Knocks Omega Squad Tristana out of the air."_ {{champion:45}} "Prepare to face an unstoppable barrage of-" _"Gets punched in the face."_ {{champion:254}} "You're right Trundle, this is pretty fun." _"Commits police brutality on Omega Squad Veigar."_ {{champion:29}} _"I surrender."_ {{champion:17}} "You know, I think private had the right idea." _"Runs really fast."_ {{champion:18}} **"COWARDS!"** {{champion:51}} "I got him." _"Aims, then one shots one kills Omega Squad Teemo."_ {{champion:17}} **"AH!"** _"Falls over."_ _**A few minutes later, all the Omega Squads are tied up in a corner of the room:**_ {{champion:51}} "All the terrorists have been apprehended and it safe for you to come in and disable their hacking device." {{champion:36}} "Good good. Corporate Mundo worried we never get back A Corporate Matter. It too important to lose. Me just need break this device and everything back to normal next week." _"Smash."_ _**Signal lost.**_
: New free champion rotation: Yasuo, Fiora, Jhin and more!
I've been doing A Corporate Matter for so long, it has been an amazing and wonderful time. But all good things must come to an end, and I've decided to move on to a new chapter of my life. I have decided to become a professional Fortnite coach. I am going to dedicate 100% of my time to Fortnite, which means that I will no longer be able to write A Corporate Matter. Also, as I know almost nothing about Fortnite, I am going to have to sell my League account to afford Fortnite lessons. You guys have been great, but I have found my true calling. Please, wish me luck in this endeavor.
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Azir, Graves, Ziggs and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Little Big Paper_** {{champion:150}} "What's going on, where am I?" {{champion:26}} "Runeterra. Or as the rest of the omniverse call it, the orb of dreamers." {{champion:150}} "Haha, what? There is no way the rest of existence gave us a name that positive." {{champion:26}} "The occupants of which spend so much time asleep and dreaming. Their vast imaginations humming away, charged with creative energy." {{champion:150}} "Buddy, what are you smoking? That doesn't even come close to describing the hellhole that is Runeterra." {{champion:26}} "Where does it all go? Up, through a Cerebrum-bilical cord. Where it collects and melds, with all the other dreamer's energy." {{champion:150}} "A cerebrum what? I don't think that's a word. Also, I'm starting the get the feeling you aren't listening to me." {{champion:26}} "And something wonderful happens, it forms a world. An ethereal dreamscape of adventure and possibilities. An abstract plain of beautiful wonderment just waiting to be explored." {{champion:150}} "Oh I can assure you, anything born from the screwed up minds of Runeterra's inhabitants is anything but wonderful." {{champion:26}} "And you can go there now." {{champion:150}} "Wait, what? No, I wanna go anywhere but there. HELP, HELP!" _"Blacks out."_ **** {{champion:20}} "I don't know Willump, let's poke it with a stick and see." _"Pokes."_ {{champion:150}} **"AHHH!"** {{champion:20}} _"Backs away quickly."_ "Nope, definitely not dead." _"Willump roars at Corporate Gnar."_ {{champion:150}} **"I'M SORRY, PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!!!"** {{champion:20}} "Back away Willump, I think he's a friend." {{champion:150}} "Yes yes, I am a friend. Wait, you aren't one of those people who eat their friends, are you?" {{champion:20}} "No no, I eat normal things. And Willump only eats his enemies and scary monsters." {{champion:150}} "Now that that's cleared up, where am I?" {{champion:20}} "You are on Paper Planet! It's a whole world created by me and my dad. Everything is made of paper. Except for you, me and my dad." {{champion:150}} "So, why am I here.?" {{champion:20}} "I wanted to know the same thing. Why are you here? How did you get here? Wait, I think I know. You're here to save all of Paper Planet! It's just like in the fairytales. A traveler from a distant land comes and saves everyone." {{champion:150}} "What? No, I am not saving anyone. I don't even wanna be here. Why does everyone think I've come to save them, do I look like the ideal hero to you?" {{champion:20}} _"Willump mumbles something."_ "What's a trope?" {{champion:150}} "Look, I don't care about you, or your Paper Planet. I just want to get back to where I came from. How do I do that?" {{champion:20}} I think my dad made something that lets him visit other worlds." {{champion:150}} "Great, where is he?" {{champion:20}} "He's locked up in that giant paper castle there. One of his creations turned on him and took him there. I was working on a plan to save him when I found you. If we don't save him soon, all of Paper Planet will fall apart." {{champion:150}} "**FOR THE LOVE OF RITO, WHY!?!?!?!?** Fine, let's save your dad so I can go home." {{champion:20}} "Yay! Follow me, I'll show you how we're going to do it." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:112}} "I mean, I guess in retrospect I should have expected one of you to turn on me. I mean, it happens in almost all the stories." {{champion:34}} "I didn't have a choice. You are going to be the death of Paper Planet. It's falling apart, you and I have both seen it. It can't handle meatbags like yourself living here." {{champion:112}} "Yes, everything here is falling apart. But you're wrong about why. I made a mistake when I made this place, I didn't account for how big it would become. I can fix it, but you have to let me go." {{champion:34}} "Let you go, so you can destroy everything even faster? I don't think so. Tell me where you've hidden the book of creation, so I can get rid of you and fix everything." {{champion:112}} I see that trying to reason with you is pointless. Your mind is falling apart, just like the rest of this place." {{champion:34}} "No matter, my birds will find the book. And when they do, I will have no more need for you or your son." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:150}} "So your whole elaborate plan is to take this giant paperball and roll it into the side of the castle." {{champion:20}} "Yep, it's foolproof." {{champion:150}} "And, assuming this works and we actually get into the castle, what do we do then?" {{champion:20}} "Figure it out as we go along. The coolest heroes never have a complete plan." {{champion:150}} "Well, it's not like I have a better idea. **ROLL THE BALL!!!**" {{champion:20}} **"IT'S WORKING, IT'S, GETTING EVEN BIGGER! WE'RE LOSING CONTROL!!!!"** _"The giant paperball crashes into the castle creating a giant hole in its side."_ {{champion:20}} **"WE DID IT! NOW WE CAN SAVE MY-"** _**The hole begins to grow bigger. The whole castle begins to rumble, pieces of paper flying off of it everywhere.**_ {{champion:150}} **"IT'S COMING DOWN, RUN!"** {{champion:20}} **"WILLUMP, GET US OUT OF HERE!"** _"They run away from the castle as it comes crumbling down."_ {{champion:112}} "Well, that wasn't fun. Nunu, did you do this?" {{champion:20}} "I was trying to save you. I didn't mean to bring down the whole thing." {{champion:112}} "It's not your fault, everything is falling apart. You did good. Who's your friend?" {{champion:20}} "It's a strange traveler from a distant land. He's here to help save us. Just like in your stories." {{champion:112}} "It would seem so. I'm Papercrafter Viktor. Nunu's father. Nice to meet you." {{champion:150}} "Your father is Viktor?" {{champion:112}} "Well, he's adopted. I found him alone when he was just a baby. I created this world so he would have endless exploration and limitless possibilities for his imagination." {{champion:150}} "Alright, I don't need your whole life story. I was told you had a way to get me back to Runterra?" {{champion:112}} "Ah yes, the Orb of Dreamers. One of the most amazing places in the Omniverse. Simply wear these shoes and think about your home and they will take you there." {{champion:150}} "Really?" {{champion:112}} "What, we love good stories here." {{champion:34}} _"Digs herself out of a pile of paper."_ **"I AM GOING TO KILL ALL YOU MEATBAGS!!!!"** {{champion:150}} "What's that, it sounds really mad." {{champion:34}} **"PAPER STORM!!!"** {{champion:150}} **"AHHHHH! WHY DO PAPER CUTS HURT SO MUCH!!!!"** {{champion:112}} "Anivia, please. I can fix all of this. Listen to reason!" {{champion:150}} **"STOP!"** "Throws Phonerang at Papercraft Anivia." {{champion:34}} "I don't feel so good." _"Falls apart into various pieces of paper. Leaving behind only an origami phoenix egg."_ {{champion:20}} "You, you killed her." {{champion:112}} "No, she's not dead. The Papercrafts cannot truly die as long as Paper world remains. Now that this is over. Here are the shoes. You can go home. I have work to do." {{champion:150}} "Finally." _"Puts the shoes on, closes eyes and thinks of home."_ _**"Whoosh!"**_
: New free champion rotation: Camille, LeBlanc, Vayne and more!
Something unexpected came up and I was unable to finish this week's episode of A Corporate Matter. I will be back next week with a new episode.
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Akali, Twitch, Ryze and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Shackled Unshackled and Reshackled_** {{champion:517}} "This the balance designer's office?" {{champion:40}} "Yep. Hey, wait. Aren't you that escaped prisoner we were looking for?" {{champion:517}} "What are you going to do if I am?" {{champion:40}} "Nothing much, I'll just have to write an incident report after you beat up Lee, and they like it if I know who did it." {{champion:517}} "Well then, yes. I am Sylas the unshackled." {{champion:40}} "Alright, Lee is right in there." {{champion:517}} "Thank you." _"Walks in."_ {{champion:64}} "Who's there, who are you?" {{champion:517}} "You can call me Sylas, I am going to single-handedly raze this building to the ground. But first, you are going to buff me." {{champion:64}} "I don't think so buddy, I don't just buff on demand." {{champion:517}} "Oh really?" _"Roundhouse kicks Corporate Lee Sin into a wall."_ {{champion:64}} "Ugh." {{champion:517}} "Hurts, doesn't it? Now, about those buffs?" _**Sometime later:**_ {{champion:150}} "What's going on in here?" {{champion:16}} "I heard screaming and someone begging for their life. So I ran in here and found that escaped prisoner, Sylas, holding Lee hostage." {{champion:150}} "Wow, that's kinda ironic." {{champion:64}} "I was not screaming or begging for my life, I don't know what you heard." {{champion:16}} "Anyway, Sylas escaped out the window before I could do anything. We need to stop him before he hurts someone else." {{champion:150}} "Isn't that the security division's job?" {{champion:16}} "Well, yes, but. Kled is still out on business. I don't know where Pyke is. Ivern still hasn't gotten over the fact that Daisy mauled him. And Leona thinks Sylas in the right here." {{champion:150}} _"Sigh."_ "Fine, we can stop this one. I had better get Sona over here." {{champion:64}} "No, you can't stop him. With the buffs I gave, no normal champion can challenge him." {{champion:16}} "Can't you just undo the buffs?" {{champion:64}} "We are on a two-week patch cycle for a reason, If I attempt another change so soon, I risk a bug breaking everything and everyone." {{champion:16}} "Well then, what are we going to do to stop him?" {{champion:150}} "I know someone, Firecracker Vayne might be able to help." {{champion:64}} "Aren't you listening to me, no one has the power to stop him." {{champion:150}} "There's something different about her. I don't know, but she's not the same Firecracker Vayne she was before, she's far more powerful." {{champion:64}} "You do you, I am going to hide under this desk until it's safe to nerf him." _**Over in Corporate Mundo's office:**_ {{champion:517}} "In order to take down this company, I need to cut the head off the snake. The most powerful here needs to die!" {{champion:36}} "Please no, me not ready to meet maker yet." {{champion:517}} "At last, I've come for you, **JARRO LIGHTFEATHER!**" {{champion:81}} "Hey, listen. I don't know what you've heard. But Jarro isn't real. I am Ezreal, and no one else." {{champion:517}} "Try and lie all you want. I have heard tales of your great and mighty feats. I will never be free with someone like you in charge." {{champion:3}} "You wanna hurt my friends, you are going to have to go through me!" {{champion:517}} "Oh, look. A walking monument to ignorance. No matter, you are but a small delay to me now." _"Repeatedly lashes Galio into pieces with his chains."_ {{champion:3}} "That wasn't very fun. Give me a bit to reform and we can have a rematch!" {{champion:517}} _"Sigh."_ {{champion:150}} **"SURRENDER NOW SYLAS!"** {{champion:517}} "Oh look, more Corporates to kill." {{champion:150}} "Give yourself up and we promise we will not be harmed." {{champion:517}} "Hah! You are going to be the one who gets harmed. And don't bother giving up, it won't make me any more merciful." {{champion:150}} "Sona, do something!" {{champion:37}} **"!!!"** {{champion:517}} "Let me speak for you, Sona. **FORTISSISSIMO!!!!!**" {{champion:150}} "I feel an uncontrollable urge to dance, someone help!" _"Dances."_ {{champion:517}} "Now, what have you got, little Gnar?" _"Steals Corporate Gnar's ult."_ {{champion:150}} "Don't do it!" {{champion:517}} "Oooh, this feels nice. **RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!**" _"Goes mega."_ {{champion:150}} "I hope Vayne gets here soon. Lee was right, we can't stop him." {{champion:517}} "THEY ALWAYS SAID I WAS A MONSTER, GUESS THEY WERE RIGHT!" {{champion:67}} "Well, luckily. I have made a living off of hunting down monsters. As those in my bloodline have before me." {{champion:517}} "Do not mourn your parents, Vayne. They had it coming." {{champion:67}} "So do you." _"Shoots him full of fireworks. Pinning him against a wall and exploding him into submission."_ {{champion:517}} "This power! You are no ordinary champion. You have something I have never seen. What is it?" {{champion:67}} "I don't know much, but it's called prestige. With it, I have become unstoppable." {{champion:517}} "Prestige? I most know m-" {{champion:67}} "Shut up!" _"Knocks him out with a kick to the head."_ {{champion:150}} "Thank you so much for helping with this. Prestige, huh?" {{champion:67}} "I guess, I woke up one morning, there was a hole in the roof of my house, directly above my bed. I looked in the mirror and I was glowing gold. One word stuck in my, prestige. Since then, I have felt more powerful than I ever have before." {{champion:16}} "So, what do we do with Sylas now?" {{champion:36}} "Do not worry, Corporate Mundo take care of that. You all go back to daily business." _**Later, in the power room:**_ {{champion:517}} "Really, you put me right back here? **THESE CHAINS CANNOT HOLD ME FOREVER, I WILL GET OUT OF HERE! AND WHEN I DO NOTHING WILL BE ABLE TO STOP ME, NOT EVEN YOUR PRESTIGED FRIENDS!!!**"
: New free champion rotation: Diana, Elise, Xayah and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _I Want To Break Free_** {{champion:64}} "Then, you wanna know what I said to him?" {{champion:150}} "What?" {{champion:64}} "After all that, I just hit him with a "GG EZ" The look on his face afterward was priceless. I swear, he would have ripped my head off if he could." {{champion:75}} "You're a toxic man, lee." {{champion:64}} "I know, I know. Hey, I gotta get back to work. Can't just hang around the water cooler all day." _**Suddenly, all the power in the building goes out, leaving the corporates shrouded in complete darkness.**_ {{champion:64}} "Guess I won't be doing that after all." {{champion:75}} "Can we talk to Corporate Mundo about adding more windows again? It's the middle of the day, we shouldn't be in total darkness because the lights went out." The sound of machines turning back on fills the room and dim red lights illuminate the building. {{champion:150}} "Thank Rito he installed those emergency generators. I don't think we could survive the summoner's rage if League went down again." A voice booms through the loudspeaker system: {{champion:81}} "Attention everyone! Oh sorry, that's really loud. Testing, testing, much better. We are experiencing a power outage, the cause is unknown. Know that are investigating and will have the issue resolved as soon as possible. In the meantime, the backup power should keep all vital systems online so you can continue your work. Also, try and avoid using the restroom. Our plumbing system requires the full power on to work, please do not ask me why. I will make another announcement if there is any other news." {{champion:150}} "You know, for a multi-billion dollar company, we have way too many power outages." _**Some investigating later:**_ {{champion:89}} "Hello, you called for us?" {{champion:36}} "No, me very sure me not." {{champion:427}} "Yes, you called the security division for help, that's us!" {{champion:36}} "You? What happen to small angry thing, one that actually look like it know how to fight." {{champion:89}} "Kled? He's out on other business, you know, you told him to go." {{champion:36}} "Oh yeah, Corporate Mundo remember." {{champion:427}} "Don't worry, the two of us are just as capable of protecting this office building as Korporate Kled is." {{champion:36}} "Hmmm, Corporate Mundo not too sure. But, me have no choice." {{champion:89}} "So, what's the threat." {{champion:36}} "So, me identify cause of power outage. Battery has escaped." {{champion:89}} "The battery, escaped?" {{champion:36}} "Yes, many years ago me find man. Strong, powerful, sexy man. He have enough magical energy to power building for lifetime. It seem he displeased with that arrangement and broke out. Me no understand why, he had everything he need. Water dripped from the ceiling on his head, so he not thirsty. Me make sure he get food at least once a week. Me even give him TV to watch." {{champion:81}} "For the record, I was against this whole thing. It was inhumane and I knew something like this would happen. All to save a quick buck on the electricity bill." {{champion:36}} "Anyway, he still somewhere in building. Smart peoples build this device, it track his powerful magic. Use it to find him. Me need you capture and hook him back up to building. Without his power, League will fail." {{champion:89}} "We won't let you down, boss!" _**Sometime later:**_ {{champion:89}} "Alright, according to this device, he should be right in this room." {{champion:427}} "Oh boy, a real fight without Kled here to save us, I'm so excited!" {{champion:517}} "Huh, who's out there!?" {{champion:89}} "You are an escaped prisoner of the Corporates and we are tasked with bringing you in! Surrender now or we will use force!" {{champion:517}} "No, I will not go back to being tortured by that sadist, I am an innocent man!" {{champion:89}} "What, he never tortured you!" {{champion:517}} "Oh yeah, he set up a Television, right in front of me. And all it did was play Kaceytron twenty-four seven. I would have killed myself long ago if his shackles had allowed me the free movement to do so. Smashing that thing was the first thing I did when I got free. Next, I'm gonna smash Corporate Mundo's head." {{champion:89}} "What, Ivern, this doesn't feel right. He's an innocent man, that we locked up to exploit for a profit increase. Are we the bad guys?" {{champion:427}} "Who cares, we're getting paid! **GET HIM DAISY!**" {{champion:517}} "No Daisy, get **him**." {{champion:427}} "Uhh, Daisy, what are you doing? Daisy, stop! **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!**" _"Runs out of the room as Daisy chases him."_ {{champion:517}} "And then it was just us. What you got?" {{champion:89}} "I uhhh, I am a strong brave woman who can take on any man. **YOU WILL GO BACK TO YOUR SHACKLES!**" _"Slams him with her shield, sending him flying into the wall."_ {{champion:517}} "Ughh, not bad." {{champion:89}} "Come on, what are you waiting for? **FIGHT ME!**" {{champion:517}} "You've got some fight in you. I'll tell you what, walk away now and nothing bad will happen to you. I can tell, you are good inside." {{champion:89}} "Wait a minute, are you underpowered?" {{champion:517}} "What? No! I'm completely overpowered. You should fear me!" {{champion:89}} "Are you sure? Because I think my shield bash just chunked you for half your health." {{champion:517}} "I don't even know why you are questioning this, I'm brand new, of course I'm overpowered!" {{champion:89}} "No no, you released underpowered, that's hilarious!" {{champion:517}} "Whatever, I don't deserve to be mocked by you too." _"Rips a panel off the wall."_ {{champion:133}} **"GET OUT OF MY NEST!"** {{champion:517}} "Been looking for you, that source of that incessant chirping that has plagued me for ages. I just need something from you." _"Ults."_ {{champion:89}} "We have a Quinn nest stuck in there? What did you just do to her, what's going on?" {{champion:517}} "This rebellion just got wings!" _**A giant bird appears out of nowhere, lifting Sylas up by its talons and flying straight through a wall, out into the open sky.**_ {{champion:517}} "For I must be traveling on now! Cause there's too many places I've got to see!" {{champion:89}} **"WAIT, COME BACK, CRIMINAL SCUM!"** {{champion:517}} "Oh, I'll be back, when I say so. Cause I'm as free as a bird now! And this bird you can not change!" _"Flys away."_
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Miss Fortune, Braum, Vi and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Did You Read What They Wrote About Him?_** _**"Knock knock!"**_ {{champion:16}} "Come in." {{champion:14}} "Hello, yes. I appear to be lost." {{champion:16}} "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Where are you trying to get to?" {{champion:14}} "I'm looking for whoever writes the, ask the corporates, blog." {{champion:16}} "Oh, that would be Corporate Braum, he's down in public relations." {{champion:14}} "Thank you very much." _"Leaves."_ {{champion:16}} "Wow, he was really well mannered for a Sion." _**A few minutes later:**_ {{champion:14}} **"CORPORATE BRAUM!"** {{champion:201}} "Uh oh, what does he want." {{summoner:31}} "No idea." {{champion:14}} **"OPEN UP, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU!"** {{champion:201}} "Whatever you do, do not open that door. **SORRY, OFFICE IS CLOSED RIGHT NOW. PLEASE COME BACK ON NEXT WEEK'S BRING YOUR COMPLAINT TO WORK DAY!**" {{champion:14}} **"I AIN'T WAITING, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"** {{summoner:31}} "Say please!" {{champion:14}} **"PLEASE OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"** {{summoner:31}} "Okay." _"Opens the door."_ {{champion:201}} "Mr. Porokins, what are you doing!? I told you not to open it!" {{summoner:31}} "B-but, he said pwease." {{champion:201}} "It's okay, I know you are too innocent for this world." {{champion:14}} _"Stomps in."_ "Corporate Braum, you are the one who writes the, ask the corporates, blog?" {{champion:201}} "I guess you could say that." {{champion:14}} "Then what is with this blatant failure of journalism. People like you are destroying everything that great writers had built up for years. There isn't a single shred of fact-checking or journalism in what you do. All you do is run the first headline you think will get the most clicks, regardless of how true it might actually be." {{champion:201}} "I'm sorry, I do not know what you are talking about." {{champion:14}} "**I DO NOT STINK!** Ever since that article you published, my life has been horrible. I have been submitted to a constant stream of abuse. Things as: _"Did someone just die? Oh wait, Sion just walked in the room."_ And _"What's your cologne, odeur de corpse?"_" {{champion:201}} _"Stifles a laugh."_ {{champion:14}} **"SMELL ME, DO I SMELL LIKE DEATH TO YOU?"** {{champion:201}} "No, really you smell of cold iron and flames. Did you actually read the article?" {{champion:14}} "Well, I uh. No, I just saw the headline. **BUT IT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN IT!**" {{champion:201}} "I am not too sure. Here, read it." {{champion:14}} "Let me see that. easy to assume, blah blah, dead for decades, yadda yadda, eternal as war. So, you did write the truth." {{champion:201}} "Well, sort of. I just take the questions and ask the other corporates the answers. They do most of the work." {{champion:14}} "And yet you were gonna take the fall for them, I am sorry I questioned your integrity." {{champion:201}} "No problem, you are right, about most journalism these days. And I probably could have worded the title better. But it is as much on the reader to think critically and not jump to conclusions without reading everything, as it is on the writer to state facts clearly and accurately." {{champion:14}} "I am going to spread the truth about what you wrote, thank you." {{champion:201}} "Just please, do not come back."
Rioter Comments
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Azir, Nautilus, Vayne and more!
#A Corporate Carol Two {{champion:64}} "Woo, another night alone." _"Pours himself a drink."_ {{champion:40}} "Hey, I'm still here!" {{champion:64}} "Yeah, but you're going to clock out in a minute when your shift ends." {{champion:40}} "Oh yeah, I guess you are going to have another lonely night." {{champion:64}} "Mhmmm." {{champion:40}} "Why don't you go get smashed at a bar or something like you usually do?" {{champion:64}} "That's not even fun anymore. I'm just gonna stay here, have a nice drink and get some extra work done. Balance is a mess right now and I can't seem to get it under control. If I don't do something Mundo is going to fire me." {{champion:40}} "That sounds great. I'm leaving now." _"Floats out the door."_ {{champion:64}} "Goodnight." _**A couple hours later, Corporate Lee Sin has drunk the whole bottle and passed out at his desk:**_ {{item:3084}} "Wake up.... Waaaaaaaaake uuuuuuup......" {{champion:64}} _"Snoring."_ {{item:3084}} **"WAKE UP!"** {{champion:64}} **"AHHHHHH!"** _"Falls back out of chair."_ {{item:3084}} "Are you awake?" {{champion:64}} **"WHAT DO YOU WANT, MIGHTY TALKING FLOATING CHEST-PLATE?"** {{item:3084}} "I am the ghost of Snowdown past. I am here to teach you the error of your ways." {{champion:64}} "Wait, chest-plates get ghosts? I thought you had to be alive at some point to get a ghost. Unless you were a talking chest-plate in life as well." {{item:3084}} _"Sight."_ "This isn't important, but if you must know. I was once a great overlord. But I was betrayed and killed by my own servants. My spirit contained in this bloodmail. For a time I was used as a powerful armor for many champions. But I was destroyed and forgotten." {{champion:64}} "Oh, I remember something Mundo said about ghosts last year. But aren't you supposed to have someone announce your arrival?" {{item:3084}} "Normally, yeah. but he quit on short notice and we weren't able to find a new one in time. Why am I telling you all this, I'm here to do a mission and you are wasting our very limited time. Let's go." _"Flys onto Corporate Lee Sin."_ {{champion:64}} "Oh Rito." {{item:3084}} "I love this part." _"Whoosh."_ _**They travel through space and time to a rundown house with loud shouting inside.**_ {{item:3084}} "Do you know where we are?" {{champion:64}} "No I don't. Wait, it is a little familiar. This is the home I lived in when I was a little kid. But, they tore this place down years ago." {{item:3084}} "No, it won't be torn down for years." {{champion:64}} "You've taken me back in time, to a night when I was a boy." {{item:3084}} "Yes, but this is no ordinary night. Do you know what makes it special?" _"He asks while a man storms out of the house and walks right past them."_ {{champion:64}} "Yes, that was my dad. He and my mom would fight all the time, often very loudly. But this was the last time, tonight was when he left us and I never saw him again. I was seven." {{item:3084}} "Yes, from that point on your mom had a revolving door of boyfriends. Most of them treated her terribly. You never learned how a real relationship was supposed to work." {{champion:64}} "Why are you showing me this?" {{item:3084}} "You have a problem, and you can never fix it if you don't know where it came from. Now that you do, I will take you back." _**Whoosh:**_ {{item:3084}} "My work here is done, be ready for the next ghost." _"Fades away."_ {{champion:64}} "Oh Rito, I don't think I can take another one." {{champion:518}} "Well, you better buck up. Cause the ghost of Snowdown Present is here." {{champion:64}} "Okay, why do you have to look like that annoying chameleon." {{champion:518}} "I am the embodiment of the present state of the rift." {{champion:64}} "Why are you all messing with me? I thought you were just supposed to mess with the mean old rich. Those who have more money than they will ever need but still don't spend help anyone and are mean to everyone. If I'm being honest, I barely get paid enough here to support myself and there are tons of bigger jerks than me." {{champion:518}} "You think that all we do. There are only so many greedy meanies in the world. No, we help those who have hurt Sho'ma. Right now, that is you. But you are wasting time, we do not have a lot." {{champion:64}} "Then go ahead and take me to wherever." {{champion:518}} "Yay, let's go!" _"Grabs his arm."_ _**Whoosh:**_ {{champion:92}} "Here's to another great night." _"Toasts the air and downs her drink."_ {{champion:64}} "Is that?" {{champion:518}} "Your Ex-wife, yes it is." {{champion:92}} "My life sucks." _"Throws the glass behind her and starts drinking straight from the bottle."_ {{champion:64}} "Riven no, you're amazing, you shouldn't be sad." {{champion:518}} "She can't hear you. But, she is just as lonely as you are." {{champion:64}} "Seeing her like this is terrible, what can I do?" {{champion:518}} "You can try again." {{champion:64}} "What, ask her out? She will never forgive me for everything. And we will never work out as a couple again." {{champion:518}} "Maybe, maybe not. You are both sad and alone. And until you learn to open your heart, you will never be happy. That is all I can show you." _**Whoosh:**_ {{champion:518}} "I hope you learn the lesson here. I must leave." _"Fades away."_ {{champion:64}} "Man, this night really sucks." {{champion:82}} **"HELLO, I AM THE GHOST OF SNOWDOWN FUTURE!"** {{champion:64}} "AH! Why are you Mordekaiser?" {{champion:82}} "Because, in the future I get a rework that is both heavy, and metal!" {{champion:64}} "Alright. I don't see the correlation there but fine." {{champion:82}} "It doesn't matter. I just have to- Wait, I'm just about out of time. What the hell took those other ghosts so long." {{champion:64}} "I have a tendency to draw things out." {{champion:82}} "Well, now I don't have enough time to show you your future and teach you your lesson. Basically, the immense stress and loneliness gets to you and you drink yourself to death. Dying sad and alone. So, call your ex-wife and prevent that terrible future. That's all the time I have." _"Fades away."_ {{champion:64}} "Well, this night is much weirder than I thought it would be. Stupid ghosts. she would never want to talk to me again. There's no way. But, maybe I should listen to them. It's not like I can make things worse." _"Picks up cellphone."_ _(As a reminder, last week's episode was posted to the concepts and creations boards [here:](https://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/skin-champion-concepts/fL0BcY3t-a-corporate-christmas-iv)_)
Rioter Comments
: New free champion rotation: Aurelion Sol, Kalista, Riven and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Corporate Corporate Corporate Corporate Corporate Chameleon_** {{champion:36}} _"And you no longer forced to work. Take as many vacations as you need."_ {{champion:81}} "Boss, I really think you should come back to your office. I'm not so sure you're feeling alright." {{champion:36}} _"Do not worry pretty boy, I am fine. I treated people here badly, it is time I say sorry. **EVERYONE GET BIGGEST RAISE!**"_ {{champion:64}} **"WOOOOOO!!!"** {{champion:150}} "What is going on out here?" {{champion:36}} "The boss has finally fully lost his mind. Except instead of killing us all, like I thought he would, he is giving us raises, time off, and other benefits." {{champion:150}} "Still hasn't mentioned healthcare though?" {{champion:64}} "First thing he said, we are getting the best healthcare on the market, it even includes dental." {{champion:150}} "Oh my Rito, he has gone further than I ever thought he would. Is it wrong to take advantage of this situation?" {{champion:64}} "I don't think he would hesitate if it were the other way around." {{champion:150}} "Hey boss! What do you think about adding a cafeteria that serves free food twenty-four seven?" {{champion:36}} _"I think that is great idea. It very hard to work on empty stomache."_ {{champion:36}} "What going on in here?" {{champion:64}} "Oh uh boss, we were just getting back to- Wait, boss?" {{champion:36}} Who this you talk to? Oh, it just Corporate Mundo. Why no one tell me he here. Wait, me is Corporate Mundo. If me be him, who him be?" {{champion:36}} _"This is all a scary dream. You need to go back to your office and wait to wake up."_ {{champion:36}} "That make sense. This out of body experience again. Me hate these, since you no feel pain during it, and me love pain. Wait." _"Pulls out a scalpel and stabs himself in the leg."_ {{champion:36}} "Me knew it, me still feel delicious pain. So it real life and you intruder!" _"Swings cleaver at the other Corporate Mundo."_ {{champion:518}} "Ouch, you cut my arm." {{champion:150}} **"WHAT IN THE NAME OF RITO!"** {{champion:518}} "Oh, hi! I'm Neeko. And you are, incredibly cute when you are scared to death!" {{champion:150}} **"AHHHHHHH, MONSTER!!!!"** {{champion:518}} "Neeko not monster. Neeko is Outsider looking in, wanting to belong." {{champion:36}} **"GET OUT OF ME BUILDING!"** _"Swings at her again."_ {{champion:518}} "You are mean, like sneaky snake. I leave you now." _"Runs away."_ {{champion:36}} **"SECURITY!"** {{champion:240}} "You called?" {{champion:36}} "There is thing loose in building. Catch it and dispose of it. Careful, it look like others, could be anyone, even you." {{champion:240}} "That would explain why I walked past myself in the hallway." {{champion:64}} "You just now questioned that?" {{champion:240}} "Look, you see a lot of strange things when you drink mushroom juice." {{champion:36}} "Just go catch it!" {{champion:240}} "Can do." _"Runs after Neeko."_ _**A few minutes later:**_ {{champion:240}} **"THERE YOU ARE!"** {{champion:518}} {{champion:240}} "Don't mind me, I'm just Yordling around. Is that what Yordles say?" {{champion:240}} "You are trespassing, **ON MY PROPERTY!**" {{champion:518}} {{champion:240}} "I like angry Yordle! **STAB! STAB! TACOS! SKAAAARL!**" {{champion:89}} "Boss, we heard your call for backup." {{champion:427}} "We knew the situation must be dire, because you never call for backup. Wait, why are there two fo you." {{champion:240}} "There ain't two of me, you idiot! And I would never call for backup. But since you're here, help me catch that imposter." {{champion:518}} {{champion:240}} "I did call you for help, thank you so much for coming. I'm sorry I am always so mean to you, I only do it because I care and want you to be better. Now please help me take that imposter down, I cannot do it alone." {{champion:427}} _"Tears up."_ "You really mean that, boss?" {{champion:240}} "What, no. Of course I don't mean what she said. I call you an idiot because you are one. Now stop standing there like one and help me." {{champion:427}} "I don't know what to do, I can't figure out which one is the real boss." {{champion:89}} "Really, you have no idea which one might not be the cranky crazy mean boss that we work for." {{champion:427}} "I know, I can ask you a personal question, one that only the real Korporate Kled could answer. But darn it, I don't know anything about you personally. If only you didn't have communication problems we wouldn't be in this mess." {{champion:240}} "I don't have trouble communicating. Words is just treacherous bastards." {{champion:518}} "I agree, words are tricky. Better to speak with colors, and emotion." {{champion:427}} **"WAHHH, WHAT IS THAT!?"** {{champion:518}} "Oops, guess I broke my disguise. I'm Neeko, happy to meet you." {{champion:427}} "H-h-hi." _"Nervously waves."_ {{champion:240}} "You know what, I actually kinda like you." {{champion:518}} "Really? That's great! Neeko only here because Neeko lonely and want friends." {{champion:240}} "Too bad I only get paid if I toss this bear trap at you, tie you up and throw you outside." {{champion:518}} "What?" {{champion:240}} "tosses a bear trap at Neeko, ties her up and throws her outside." {{champion:518}} **"NEEKO WILL REMEMBER THIS, I WILL GROW NEW BETTER TAIL AND THEN YOU LEARN. NEEKO IS NOT A SAD TOMATO. SHE IS A STRONG TOMATO!"** _ (**Attention.** In addition to A Corporate Matter being posted on the free rotation. Whenever it's not broken. I am also going to post every episode on the Concepts & Creations board. That way if the comments here are not working you can still read the new episode. Thank you for reading.)_
Rioter Comments
: Champion and skin sale: 12.04 - 12.07
#A Corporate Matter Has gone back to the free rotation post as the comments are once again available. [You can find it here:](https://na.leagueoflegends.com/en/news/champions-skins/free-rotation/new-free-champion-rotation-ahri-khazix-ornn-and-more)
: New free champion rotation: Ahri, Kha'Zix, Ornn and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Praetorian_** **_"Ring ring"_** {{champion:92}} "Hello?" {{champion:236}} "Riven, oh thank Rito you picked up. It's me, Corporate Lucian." {{champion:92}} _"Sigh."_ "You know, I divorced Lee Sin so I could be done with you people." {{champion:236}} "Yeah, I know. But I've been trying to reach you for hours. There is a big problem." {{champion:92}} "I'm sure you have big problems every day, but I can't help you. I have to go back out on stage, just as soon as I figure out where I put my bunny ears." {{champion:236}} "You're at work? But you need to listen, I'm not the one who is in trouble, you-" _"Gets hung up on."_ {{champion:92}} "I swear, those idiots running league probably couldn't even open a door without asking for help." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:36}} "Little blonde servant, we have big problem. Someone lock us in office and plotting terrible things. Me know cause me keep pushing on door and it not open." {{champion:81}} "It's a pull door from this end, boss." {{champion:36}} _"Pulls door open."_ "Hmmm, danger is over." _**Back by Riven:**_ {{champion:92}} "Why can't I find my bunny ears." {{champion:104}} "Lookin' for these, sweetheart?" {{champion:92}} _"Puts on ears to complete the battle bunny look."_ "Thanks for- Wait, who are you?" {{champion:104}} "Your undertaker." _"Points gun at her."_ {{champion:236}} **"GET AWAY FROM HER!"** _"Blasts him through the wall."_ {{champion:92}} "Lucian? You got here fast." {{champion:236}} "Come with me if you want to live." {{champion:92}} "If that's my only choice. But, what was that thing? Was it about to-" {{champion:236}} "Yes. It's called a Praetorian. That one I modeled after Graves. We need to leave before it gets back up." {{champion:92}} "You made that thing? I am not a coward, I'm gonna make that thing wish it was never made." {{champion:236}} "You need to listen. It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with. It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead." {{champion:92}} "Well, that's just great. Why did you make it?" {{champion:236}} "For a variety of reasons. Having a mass producible heavy shock troop like can be very lucrative." {{champion:92}} "Alright, one last question. Why is it so hellbent on killing me?" {{champion:236}} "I had to bring in Lee sin to help with balancing. We needed to do some test runs and he thought it would be funny if the target dummies looked like you. But when they escaped they, unfortunately, still had you programmed in as their target." {{champion:92}} "My mom always told me he would be the death of me." {{champion:236}} "We need to get you somewhere safe. My team is working on getting the shutdown codes to work again. So we'll hide you out until then." {{champion:9}} "Stop right there meatbags! Master, helping the target against us? Ohh master, I am so disappointed in you right now." {{champion:92}} "There's another one?" {{champion:236}} "Yeah, two escaped." {{champion:92}} "I hate you corporates." {{champion:9}} "Maybe you'll enjoy a buzzsaw to the face?" _"Throws one."_ {{champion:50}} "Riven, where are you? You were supposed to be out on sta-" _"Gets hit by the buzzsaw."_ {{champion:50}} **"MY LEG!"** {{champion:236}} "Come on, this way!" _**They run through a couple doors and end up in a dead end hallway.**_ {{champion:92}} "Why did I listen to you? I work here, I knew there was no way out this way." {{champion:9}} "Hahahahaha, got you." {{champion:104}} "I'm back." {{champion:236}} "Now I know why they call it a dead end. This is going to hurt, a lot." {{champion:104}} _"Raises gun."_ "Hasta la vista, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-" _"Stops."_ {{champion:92}} "Well, that didn't hurt very much. What happened?" {{champion:236}} "They've stopped. Maybe my team figured out why the shutdown code wasn't working. But that was way faster than it would normally have taken." {{champion:92}} _"Pushes Praetorian Fiddlesticks over."_ "It seems that's what happened." {{champion:236}} "Hey hey, careful. do you have any idea how much those things cost?" {{champion:92}} "You're lucky I don't cut them into pieces for what they tried to do to me. You better make sure your team stopped them." {{champion:236}} "Okay yep, I just got a "You alive." text. Seems they fixed the code. Someone accidentally commented out one of the most important lines. Figures, those idiots. But, at least we aren't dead." {{champion:92}} "Probably just fired, cause I think I left my boss bleeding out on the floor back there." {{champion:236}} "Alright, you go deal with him. I'll get someone to bring these two back to my secret facility. Overall, they function quite amazingly, just got a few bugs to work out." {{champion:92}} "Lucian, if I ever see one of those things near me again. You won't have to just worry about the PR disaster they can cause." {{champion:236}} "Alright, I promise you will never have to worry about Praetorians again." _(Woo, back where I belong. Thank you Riot for fixing the free rotation comments. For those of you that missed me, I posted the last two episodes in the sales posts, [here](https://na.leagueoflegends.com/en/news/store/sales/champion-and-skin-sale-1120-1123-0) and [here](https://na.leagueoflegends.com/en/news/store/sales/champion-and-skin-sale-1127-1130-0). Hopefully, something like this doesn't happen again, but if it does. I will post on the sales like again, and if that doesn't work I will post in the creations forum on the boards. Thank you for reading ♥.)_
: Champion and skin sale: 11.27 - 11.30
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Star Of The Pajama Guardians Party_** {{champion:40}} "This is the worst Pajama Party ever!" {{champion:99}} "But, it's just started. And it's the first one we've ever done. So it can't really be the worst ever." {{champion:40}} "Oh yeah, then why won't you give me my custom made pajamas?" {{champion:99}} "Well, uhm. We don't have any for you. Lulu and I were making a list of all of us. Because there's quite a few now. And I guess between the meme sharing and junk food eating your name accidentally got left off the list." {{champion:40}} **"YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!"** _"Turns around and starts sobbing loudly."_ {{champion:103}} "**YOU MONSTER, SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE INCLUDED!** It's okay Janna. I'm not going to wear my ugly pajamas, so you won't be the only one." {{champion:99}} "But Ahri, It took me a whole week to make yours. I had to make an individual sock for each of your tales." {{champion:103}} "My tails cannot be contained. They must be wild and free at all times." {{champion:78}} "It sure sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort into these outfits to make sure everyone liked them." {{champion:99}} "Look, I already said I'm sorry for your pajamas. I used Lulu as a model cause I thought you both were around the same size. I guess not all yordles are the same." {{champion:78}} "Wow, racist much." {{champion:99}} "No, me and all the other human Star Guardians wear pretty much the same size, even Ezreal. So it was a safe assumption you wouldn't be a whole lot bigger than Lulu." {{champion:78}} "Oh, so you're calling me fat now?" {{champion:99}} "That's not what I- I'm sorry, okay?" {{champion:134}} "So what about me, why don't I get any pajamas? Is it because I'm easily forgettable like Janna, or overweight like Poppy?" {{champion:99}} "No, I didn't make you anything because you're a bitch, and I said there would be consequences for it." {{champion:134}} "Alright, fair enough." {{champion:40}} "I can't believe you forgot about me!" {{champion:134}} "I'm sorry, who are you again?" {{champion:40}} **"THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!"** {{champion:117}} "Don't be sad. If being a Star Guardian doesn't work out, you can always go be a witch like that other Janna. Then you're happy when people forget about you." {{champion:40}} _"Cries even louder."_ {{champion:81}} "Ugh, all this negative energy is terrible for my complexion. I'm going to be in the other room until everyone calms down." {{champion:21}} "Hang on, I'm going to take a selfie. I need photo proof I was at the worst pajama party ever." _"Snap."_ {{champion:16}} _"Quietly eats mini cinnamon rolls on the couch."_ {{champion:99}} "Guys, please. Can we at least try and have fun? For our guest." {{champion:10}} "I think the word you're looking for is prisoner, or hostage maybe." {{champion:99}} "What? No, you're not a hostage. You're Corporate Kayle, justice enforcer extraordinaire. And our esteemed guest." {{champion:10}} "Then explain the handcuffs?" {{champion:117}} "Those aren't handcuffs, they're wrist cuddlers. I made them myself!" {{champion:10}} "Just because you put fuzzy pink padding on regular handcuffs doesn't change what they are." {{champion:81}} "So, I overheard a bit of this from the other room. But why is Corporate Kayle here?" {{champion:99}} "This is the time of year that you are supposed to eat dinner with those that care about you. And she didn't have anyone so we invited her to be with us." {{champion:10}} "Is that what you call kidnapping?" {{champion:99}} "We didn't kidnap you." {{champion:10}} "Oh yeah, then what do you call me going to sleep alone in my own bed and waking up hogtied in your living room?" {{champion:99}} "No you're just being overly dramatic. Such a drama queen, am I right?" {{champion:117}} "We put the cuddlers on you because we didn't want you getting scared and ruining all the fun you are having." {{champion:81}} "Wait, don't you have tons of family up in Angelville. Why didn't you have dinner with them?" {{champion:10}} "My sister decided to host the dinner this year, at her house. And my whole family agreed to go. It's like they just forget she's a traitor and is currently plotting to kill us all. Yet I make the smallest mistake and I never hear the end of it. I refuse to give in to my sister, so I was just going to spend the weekend working at the office. Enjoying the peace and quiet, where I could actually get something done. But no." {{champion:99}} "That's a fun story. Now, how about you put these pajamas on and we can party." {{champion:10}} "I wouldn't wear that if I was dead. But I'll make you a deal, let me go now and I'll only temp-ban all of you." {{champion:40}} "Ohh, I can wear her Pajamas." _"Has a look of hope in her teary eyes."_ {{champion:99}} "No you can't, each one was tailor-made for its wearer. This one would clash with your color scheme and look terrible. And I can't have that." {{champion:40}} **"SO NOW I'M UGLY TOO, WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN!"** _"Cries again."_ {{champion:99}} "This really is the worst pajama party ever. At least that means it can't get any worse than this." _**"Front door flies open."**_ {{champion:222}} "Hey gals, Star Guardian Jinx here, fashionably late as always. Who's ready to blow stuff up?" {{champion:99}} "Please, just kill me now." {{champion:222}} "Alright, if you insist." {{champion:99}} "Wait-" **"BOOM!"**
: Champion and skin sale: 11.20 - 11.23
Hey guys, King Dellron here. The free rotation post seems to be glitched. I have been unable to post a comment there for three weeks. So I am going to post this week's A Corporate Matter on the sales post. I do not know if Riot plans on fixing the free rotation, or if this is a permanent thing. I will post here for now, and I may switch over to the boards if I have to. Hopefully, they will fix the free rotation post and everything can go back to normal. Anyways, here is the new episode: #A Corporate Matter **Episode: _E-Wins And E-Losses_** {{champion:16}} _"Knock knock."_ "Mind if I come in?" {{champion:267}} "Of course, I love having you over here. How'd you get away from your work?" {{champion:16}} "Gnar wasn't able to come into work today so I didn't have a lot to do. You busy?" {{champion:267}} "No, I've finished for today as well. But unlike you I don't get to wander around the office. Nasus won't let me leave early even if I have nothing to do. So I've just been watching worlds." {{champion:16}} "Ohh, I'll join you. Wait, it's all just Kha'Zix." {{champion:267}} "Yep, twenty-four Kha'Zixs in a battle royal. One for each team." {{champion:16}} "But, why?" {{champion:75}} "It was my idea." {{champion:267}} "Don't let him convince you he did it all. Mundo had an idea to do a battle royal. Nasus was the one who suggested it be all Kha'Zix." {{champion:75}} "I did it to sell skins and it sure worked. They are buying countless Championship Kha'Zixs, and even better, they are buying multiple chromas. Whenever one of the Kha'Zixs eats another his sales go through the roof." {{champion:16}} "Alright then, this could be interesting. Oooh, looks like two of them have met up." **** **[EDG]**{{champion:121}} "Edward, edward..." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} **"DIE!"** _"Lunges at Edward Kha'Zix."_ **[EDG]**{{champion:121}} "Ed **WARD!**" _"Slices at Fnatic Kha'Zix."_ **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Argh, you may have gotten one lucky hit in, but I got three. You're done kid." **[EDG]**{{champion:121}} "Ed, ward?" _"Dies."_ _**Meanwhile:**_ **[KT]**{{champion:121}} "So we've met at last." **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "It's a shame one of us will have to knock the other out so early. This would have made a spectacular finale." **[KT]**{{champion:121}} "Killing you will be glorious enough, no matter when I do it." **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "So be it." _**They battle in epic fashion. A flurry of blades and spikes. Both of them trading blows nearly evenly. But, as the dust settles, only one is left standing.**_ **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "Next." _**Meanwhile:**_ **[C9]**{{champion:121}} "Woo, I love shooting my void spikes. Shooty shooty shooty. This is so much fun. Shwoosh!" **[AFS]**{{champion:121}} **"ARRGH!"** _"Gets impaled in the head and dies."_ **[C9]**{{champion:121}} "Woops, did I actually kill someone? Didn't know I could do that. Haha, that was pure luck." _**Meanwhile:**_ **[G2]**{{champion:121}} "I'll admit, you are tougher than I thought you would be." **[RNG]**{{champion:121}} "You're not so bad yourself." **[G2]**{{champion:121}} "Unfortunately, there is no hope for you. The wounds I've inflicted on you limit your mobility. As soon as you make a move I will counter it with a fatal blow." **[RNG]**{{champion:121}} "You talk big talk, but can you really, **HANDLE THIS!**" **[G2]**{{champion:121}} "Big mistake, **DIE!**" **[RNG]**{{champion:121}} "**AHHH!** So, you were right." _"Dies."_ **[G2]**{{champion:121}} "None can stand in my way!" **[IG]**{{champion:121}} **"OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRU!"** **[G2]**{{champion:121}} **"WHAT-"** _"Is already dead."_ **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "Next." _**Meanwhile:**_ **[C9]**{{champion:121}} "Oooh, I wonder where my next opponent is. Maybe I can get lucky again." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} _"Running at full speed."_ **"HIYA!"** _"Slashes."_ **[C9]**{{champion:121}} "Oh, that's smarts." _"Head falls off."_ **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Wow, you are so unimaginably bad. How in the worlds did you ever make it this far? Didn't even give me a challenge." _**Some time later:**_ **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "This is it, we are the last two standing." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Give it a minute, it'll be just me." **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "So confident for one who has only killed easy opponents." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Hey, you mind shutting up so I can kill you and get my league skins?" _"Charges."_ **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "Heh." _"Leaps out of the way."_ **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "I was here before you and I'll be here after you, so let me kill you!" _**FNC Kha'zix keeps attempting to attack IG Kha'Zix. But every one is a miss. He gets frustratingly close each time, but IG Kha'Zix always moves out of the way just in time. Leaving a quick strike in return. No serious wounds, just painful annoying cuts.**_ **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} **"COWARD, STOP RUNNING AND FIGHT ME!"** **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "I thought maybe I should style on you, for the viewers at home. But if you insist, I will end you now." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "You are so confident for someone who can't-" _"Gets stabbed through the chest."_ **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "Can't what? I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Agh, ugh, yug." **[IG]**{{champion:121}} "You only made it this far because you only faced the weakest opponents. You are nothing and don't deserve the recognition that second place gets you." **[FNC]**{{champion:121}} "Tryhard." **[IG]**{{champion:121}} _"Cuts FNC Kha'Zix in half."_ "I win."
: New free champion rotation: Vayne, Kassadin, Gangplank and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Spoopy & Scary_** {{champion:245}} "Trick or treat!" {{champion:64}} "Now that is a cool costume, here you go." {{champion:245}} "Heh, thanks." _"Walks away."_ {{champion:240}} "What are you doing?" {{champion:64}} "Giving out candy to the kids. I know, we haven't normally done this. But Mundo decided the cost of candy was cheaper than cleaning up tricks they played on us for not having any." {{champion:240}} "No, I mean what are you doing giving him more candy. You can't just let him come here again and again." {{champion:64}} "What do you mean? That's the first time I've seen him." {{champion:240}} "Of course, I knew you couldn't be that much of an idiot. He is messing with time to hit the same places multiple times. That's the sixth time I've seen him." {{champion:64}} "Well, if he is reversing time, then how have you noticed and I haven't?" {{champion:240}} "It's the mushroom juice, I've got so much coursing through my veins I can perceive changes in time and space." {{champion:64}} "Alrighty then. Well, if he keeps rewinding what do I care. It's not like I end up with less candy. Wait, why's my bucket empty?" {{champion:240}} "That's his trick, he doesn't rewind your bucket. Wants fools like you to know he's smarter." {{champion:64}} "Son of a- Now I have to go get more candy. Can you watch around while I'm gone? Without any candy to give them those kids might try something. And children these days have less and less morals so I'm very afraid of the things they will do." {{champion:240}} "Yeah, sure. I'll take care of the problem, heh heh heh." {{champion:64}} "I don't really like the way you said that, but I have to go get candy so I'm not going to worry about it. Be back as soon as possible." _"Leaves."_ {{champion:240}} "I promised myself I would never don this outfit again after I got this job. But these kids deserve it. Come on Skaarl, it's our turn to go trick or treating." _**A little bit later:**_ {{champion:142}} "Annie, stop. this place never has any candy." {{champion:1}} "I know, but the lights are on. Let's just check." _"Knock knock!"_ {{champion:142}} "See, I told you." {{champion:1}} "The lights are one with no candy? You know the rules of Halloween. If we don't get a treat, _**They get a trick!**_" {{champion:240}} "You re trespassing on my property." {{champion:1}} "Huh, who said that?" {{champion:240}} "Children like you are a menace to society. You deserve to be locked up like the monsters you dress as." {{champion:142}} "Hey, we're just trying to have fun. Mister, whoever you are." {{champion:240}} "I am, **COUNT KLEDULA!**" {{champion:142}} "Annie, run!" {{champion:1}} "I don't run from bullies." {{champion:240}} **"HIYA!"** {{champion:1}} "Uh oh." _"Gets kicked in the face by Skaarl."_ {{champion:142}} "Oh dear Rito, she's just a little girl." {{champion:240}} "Drop your candy and get out of here or you'll suffer the same fate as her, **BLEH!**" {{champion:142}} **"AHHHHHH, SOMEONE SAVE ME, THERE'S A CREEPY OLD MAN ATTACKING LITTLE GIRLS!"** _"Drops candy bucket and runs."_ {{champion:240}} "I forgot how exhilarating this felt. And this candy tastes amazing. Come on Skaarl, our job is nowhere near done yet. Now, where did that time-warping punk go?" _**Later:**_ {{champion:40}} "I gave you an insanely powerful pumpkin with the ability to control time so you could wreak havoc on the mortal world. **AND YOU USED IT TO TRICK PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR CANDY!?**" {{champion:245}} "I was gonna get to the whole havoc thing. I just wanted to have a little fun first. But the thing stopped working." {{champion:40}} "Of course it did. It has a limited amount of magical power. That's why I told you to use it sparingly." {{champion:245}} "Can't you just recharge it, or give me another one?" {{champion:40}} "No, I can't give you another one. What, do you think these things just grow in my backyard?" {{champion:245}} "Well, uhm, yes?" {{champion:40}} _"Sigh."_ "Okay, so I do grow them in my backyard. But I can only grow one a year. **AND YOU WASTED IT!**" {{champion:245}} "But, look at how much candy I got." {{champion:40}} "I don't give damn about your candy. I knew I shouldn't have trusted a kid like you with something this important." {{champion:240}} "I'll take it off your hands. You little punk." {{champion:40}} "Is this a friend of yours?" {{champion:245}} "No, I have no idea who or what that thing is." {{champion:240}} **"I AM COUNT KLEDULA! AND I WANT TO TAKE YOUR CANDY, BLEH!"** {{champion:40}} "Good, he'll be your punishment for failing me." {{champion:245}} "What, you could annihilate him with a wave of your broom. You're not going to do anything?" {{champion:40}} "No, I'm going to go sit in my chair with my cat, pumpkin, and watch Halloween wars. You should be happy I don't turn you into a frog." _"Floats away."_ {{champion:245}} "Oh boy." {{champion:240}} **"BLEH BLEH!"** _**One brief beating later:**_ {{champion:240}} "There, now no one will risk breaking space and time to steal candy. But the night is still young, and I think there are more lessons to be taught. **ONWARD!**" _**A few hours later:**_ {{champion:64}} "Hello, Kled? Sorry I'm so late. it took me forever to find a store that still had some candy in stock. And I may have gotten distracted by a really awesome Halloween party on the way. But I got some, it was super expensive. I don't think it matters much anyways. This Halloween seems to suck for the kids. All the way back there were crying children, and not a single one of them had any candy, or even a bucket for that matter. Kled?" _"Turns on the light."_ {{champion:240}} "Uhhhgh, I ate too much." {{champion:64}} "What in the name of Rito. Why are you surrounded by a mountain of candy? And some of these buckets look like they came from the kids outside. Did you steal all the kid's candy from the whole town? How many buckets and bags are here?" {{champion:240}} "I lost count around fifty. Uhhh." _"Burp."_ {{champion:64}} "Skaarl isn't moving, did you kill her?" {{champion:240}} "No, she's fine. She's just in a sugar coma, lightweight." {{champion:64}} "Well, it doesn't look like we are going to get anymore trick or treaters. So I'm going back to that party." {{champion:240}} "Wait, leave the bag of candy!" {{champion:64}} "I think you have enough." {{champion:240}} **"I SAID LEAVE IT!"** {{champion:64}} "Fine, I hope it rots your teeth out." _"Throws to bag to him."_ {{champion:240}} "Yes! Everyone knows Halloween candy tastes better than normal candy." _"Starts eating more candy."_ _(There will not be an episode of A Corporate Matter next week as I will be busy and unable to access a computer. The next two weeks after that I should be able to find time to write one. But I can't guarantee it. Anyways, thanks so much for reading and have an extra spooky Halloween.)_
: New free champion rotation: Nautilus, Varus, Xin Zhao and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _I'm Not Who I Thought I Was_** {{champion:36}} "Me no understand, me try every type of psychological torture me know. He still not back to boring helpful underling." {{champion:16}} "I told you, he suffered a head injury. You won't be able to shock him back. He needs time and understanding. Maybe if we get him back to his daily routine he will remember who he is." {{champion:36}} "You want Corporate Mundo untie him?" {{champion:16}} "If we want him back I think it's best. We should just explain to him that he shouldn't leave again. He's in here, right?" _"Opens door."_ {{champion:36}} "Well, he was. **WE HAVE RUNNER!**" {{champion:81}} "Hahaha, those fools will never catch the magnificent Jar-" _"Runs into something."_ {{champion:3}} "Huh? Something there?" {{champion:81}} "Giant petricite gargoyle. So it's gonna be one of those kind of days." {{champion:3}} "Ah, it's just you little blonde boy. Why are you sneaking around? Are there bad guys nearby? **DO I NEED TO SMASH?!**" {{champion:81}} "Shhh, shhh. I'm trying to get out of here unnoticed." {{champion:3}} "Unnoticed? Why would you want that? **YOU SHOULD BE GLORIOUS, LIKE ME! LOOK HERE EVERYONE! ISN'T HE MAGNIFICENT?**" {{champion:81}} **"SHUT-UP YOU DUMB ROCK!"** {{champion:36}} "Annoying teen underling, there you are." {{champion:81}} **"BACK, STAY BACK YOU PSYCHO!"** {{champion:16}} "Calm down Ezreal." {{champion:81}} "It's Jarro." {{champion:16}} "Alright, Jarro. It's going to be okay. We are going to fix you." {{champion:81}} "**THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!** At least, there wasn't, until that monster got a hold of me." {{champion:16}} "I know, he was trying to shock you back. But don't worry. We are done with that. No more torture. You did receive a head injury which has caused some memory loss and personality changes." {{champion:81}} "I don't know what you're talking about." {{champion:16}} "I know. But it will be okay, you will remember in time. We will go at your own pace and everything will make sense. But you have to continue working here. You are under contract and Mundo won't let you leave." {{champion:81}} "I don't want to." {{champion:16}} "That's understandable. You don't remember signing up for a job and don't even really have a concept of needing the money." {{champion:81}} "Wait, I'm getting paid?" {{champion:16}} "Well, yes. That's the point of having a job." {{champion:81}} "Alright then, you should have led with that. Where do I start?" {{champion:16}} "Mundo, I'd like to spend the day taking him around the office. Maybe jog his memory." {{champion:36}} _"Sigh."_ "Fine, if it help bring back useful underling." {{champion:16}} "Come on Ez- Jarro, let's go on a tour." {{champion:81}} "Do I have to?" {{champion:16}} "Yes. Oh, before I forget. You left this here." _"Hands Jarro his Gauntlet."_ {{champion:81}} "Sick gauntlet!" _"Puts it on and starts snapping his fingers."_ {{champion:16}} "What are you doing?" {{champion:81}} "Trying to turn you idiots to dust so I can run this place. This damn gauntlet is defective." {{champion:36}} "Please, take him away." _**A minute later:**_ {{champion:16}} "First, let's check over by the water cooler. It's kind of like a central talking place where all the best gossip can be heard." {{champion:240}} "I'm telling ya, it's a Damn conspiracy! And the badgers are in on it." {{champion:150}} "Sure, whatever. And I bet the weasels are working with them." {{champion:240}} "You might actually be right about that. I thought it was too sophisticated for the badgers alone. I need to investigate this further." _"Leaves."_ {{champion:81}} "Yordles, why'd it have to be yordles." {{champion:150}} "Well, I'm not so happy to see you either." {{champion:16}} "Hey boss, this is Jarro." {{champion:150}} "Jarro, I thought you were-" {{champion:16}} "He suffered a bit of a head injury and has really severe memory loss. So we are taking things slow and trying not to trigger him." {{champion:150}} "Okay, this is a little much for me. I'm going back to work. Good luck, or whatever." {{champion:75}} "What's going on over here?" {{champion:81}} "Oh cool, you guys have an Ascended. This place is fun." {{champion:16}} "Sorry about him Nasus, we're working through some things." {{champion:75}} "I just want some water." {{champion:16}} "Come on Jarro, let's see if Corporate Jinx can help you out." {{champion:81}} "Nope. I did not sign up for Jinx-level crazy." {{champion:16}} "Well then, where do you want to go?" **"DING!!!!"** {{champion:16}} "Not again." {{champion:81}} "Hey, that means that Inting Sion thing is coming right?" {{champion:16}} "Yeah, unfortunately. Hey, you remember." {{champion:81}} "Yes, and I know what I must do. Jarro Lightfeather doesn't get enough recognition around here. I'm going to stop this thing once and for all." {{champion:16}} "Wait wait, you're still injured. Getting hurt again could leave you permanently disabled." {{champion:81}} "Guess that's a risk I'm just going to have to take." _"Runs outside."_ {{champion:14}} **"NOTHING WILL STOP ME!"** {{champion:81}} "Noxians, I hate these guys." {{champion:14}} "I will crush you like the insect you are!" _"Tries to slam into Jarro."_ {{champion:81}} _"Teleports out of the way."_ "Why's it always about strength with Noxians? How about vulnerability for once?" {{champion:14}} **"RAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"** _"Swipes at Jarro."_ {{champion:81}} "Bad move." _"Shoots Sion in the head repeatedly."_ {{champion:14}} "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" _"Dies."_ {{champion:81}} "No applause, please. Okay, just a little bit of thunderous acclaim! A little?" {{champion:16}} **"LOOK OUT, HE'S NOT DOWN YET!"** {{champion:81}} "What do you mean he's no-" _"Gets slammed in the face."_ {{champion:14}} **"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"** _"Starts punching the building repeatedly."_ {{champion:16}} **"NOOOO, PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD!"** _"Runs over to him."_ {{champion:81}} "Soraka, are you okay?" {{champion:16}} "You're alive! But why are you worried about me, Jarro, you're the one who got hit." {{champion:81}} "Yeah, but I wasn't sure if I pushed you out of the way in time. Also, who the hell's Jarro?" {{champion:16}} "Wait, Ezreal?" {{champion:81}} "Yeah?" {{champion:16}} _"Hugs Ezreal."_ "Thank Rito, you're back." {{champion:81}} "Back, what happened to me?" {{champion:16}} "Well, for starters, you pushed me out of Sion's path yesterday." {{champion:81}} "And you just left me here for a whole day?" {{champion:16}} "What? No, I'll explain. Looks like the turrets gunned down Sion so we should be able to go in now. I just can't believe Mundo was right and more trauma was what you needed." {{champion:81}} "I really must have hit my head hard, because I think I just heard you say Mundo was right." {{champion:16}} "Ha, you have no idea." _"Helps Ezreal into the offices."_
: Uh... Ezreal talking to himself instead of Soraka. Nice job tho.
Wow, didn't catch that. Thanks for telling me, I've gone and fixed it.
: New free champion rotation: Ezreal, Aurelion Sol, LeBlanc and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _I am who I think I am_** {{champion:16}} "Thanks for helping me water the exterior plants. I enjoy the company." {{champion:81}} "My pleasure, I'm glad there's at least something bright and beautiful on land owned by Corporate Mundo." {{champion:16}} "You're being overdramatic, there's plenty of beauty on corporate land. Like, um, what about, nope. Yeah, I guess he does keep things pretty bleak." {{champion:81}} "Yeah, but he's not all bad. Corporate Mundo has some messed up priorities, but deep down he has a kind heart." {{champion:16}} "Really deep down." {{champion:81}} _"Smiles."_ "Yeah, but trust me, it's in there." **"DING!!!!"** {{champion:81}} "What was that?" {{champion:16}} "We need to get back inside, **NOW!**" {{champion:14}} **"RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** {{champion:81}} "What's going on!" {{champion:16}} "It's a Suicide Sion. He's had a huge grudge against our building since his recent nerfs. He keeps charging us and trying to destroy as much as he can. He always dies but he won't stay dead and keeps coming back." {{champion:81}} "Don't we have turrets or something to shoot him?" {{champion:16}} "They try, but they aren't very effective and he's very hard to stop." {{champion:81}} "Well, let's get inside where it's safe then." _"Tries to open the door to the Corporate Offices."_ {{champion:16}} "What's wrong?" {{champion:81}} "It's locked." {{champion:16}} "Must be part of the defense system. I guess the doors automatically lock when a threat is detected. Maybe the back one is still open?" {{champion:14}} **"DIE!!!!!!!!!!!"** {{champion:81}} **"SORAKA LOOKOUT!"** _"Pushes Soraka out of the way of the suicide Sion, but takes the full hit himself."_ {{champion:14}} **"NERF THIS!!!!!!"** _"Starts punching the building while the turrets shot him repeatedly."_ {{champion:16}} **"EZREAL!"** _"Runs over to him."_ {{champion:81}} "Ugh." {{champion:16}} "Please tell me you're okay?" {{champion:81}} "I think so." {{champion:16}} "Thank Rito, you scared me, Ezreal." {{champion:81}} "Who's Ezreal? And why does my head hurt so much?" {{champion:16}} "Huh? You're Ezreal. You just saved me from getting trampled by that Sion." {{champion:81}} "Saved you? What, are you my girlfriend or something?" {{champion:16}} "What? No, I'm your coworker." {{champion:81}} "Coworker? Hahahaha, you make it sound like I have some boring desk job." {{champion:16}} "That's exactly what you- Ezreal, are you sure you're okay?" {{champion:81}} "I feel better than a fed Zed. But my names not Ezreal. It's Jarro, Jarro Lightfeather." {{champion:16}} "No, you're Ezreal, Secretary to Corporate Mundo here at the Corporate Offices." {{champion:81}} "That doesn't sound like me. I'm an adventurer extraordinaire. I raid dangerous tombs in search of valuable hidden artifacts. My memories still a little fuzzy from that hit. I'm going home for the day." _"Walks away."_ {{champion:16}} "Wait, you can't just leave you are under contract!" {{champion:14}} **"I'LL, UGH, BE, BACK!"** _"Dies."_ {{champion:16}} "Great, I can't follow him because now I have to file an incident report." _**A little bit later:**_ {{champion:81}} _"Walks past a mirror."_ "Oh Rito, is that really what I'm wearing. And my hair? No wonder I'm single. Hey, shopkeep! Where is your clothing department?" _**One shopping spree later:**_ {{champion:81}} "There we go, did someone say sexiest man alive? I think so." {{champion:81}} _"Steps in a murky puddle."_ "And these new boots are not waterproof. Fantastic." {{champion:555}} _"Forms in from of Jarro from the puddle."_ "No one plays hookey on my watch." {{champion:81}} "Well, you are just terrifying, aren't you Pyke?" {{champion:555}} "You haven't even seen terrifying yet. Why don't you come back to the office before I move you a few spots up on my list." {{champion:81}} "Wait, if you're trying to intimidate me, wouldn't it be better to show me something really terrifying first? Because I was being sarcastic, I'm not afraid of you or whatever type of list you have. The only scary thing here is the idea of working in a soul-sucking corporate office like you." {{champion:555}} "Alright, that's enough. I'm bored." _"Stabs Jarro in the gut."_ {{champion:81}} "You've killed me?" _"Passes out."_ _**An undetermined amount of time later:**_ {{champion:16}} "Shhhh, shhhh, he's waking up." {{champion:81}} "I'm back from the dead? That confirms it. I am a god!" {{champion:16}} "You didn't die, thanks to me. Pyke, you could try being a little gentler next time. He obviously has a head injury." {{champion:555}} "I'm not exactly experienced in bringin' em back alive. Just be glad I didn't harpoon him." {{champion:16}} "Alright, thanks for not completely killing him. Now go back to Kled, I'm sure he has something for you to do." {{champion:555}} "You got it." _"Disappears."_ {{champion:81}} "Hey, I'm all tied up. Is this going where I hope it is?" {{champion:36}} "Only if ask nicely." {{champion:81}} **"AH, WHAT IS THAT THING!"** {{champion:36}} "Me your boss, me think we need talk." {{champion:81}} **"NO, PLEASE NO, HAVE MERCY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"** #To Be Continued:
: New free champion rotation: Zed, Jhin, Taric and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _How To Dragon Your Trainer_** {{champion:74}} "Hello, the Dragon Trainer seminar will begin in a few minutes." {{champion:240}} "I'm not here for no seminar. This building belongs to my company. We let you rent it out, mostly because those golden dragon eggs you paid in are worth a fortune. I'm only here to make sure you don't trash the place." {{champion:74}} "But, you are riding a dragon." {{champion:240}} "This ain't a dragon, it's a Skaarl. She a lizard." {{champion:74}} "It's alright, this is a safe space. You can be yourself here." {{champion:240}} _"Sigh."_ "Just get on with it so I can go back to my office." {{champion:74}} "Welcome ladies and gentleyordles to How To Train Your Dragon 101. I'm Heimerdinger and this is Pythagoras." {{champion:18}} **"HE'S SO CUTE!"** {{champion:74}} "He doesn't like to be called cute. He is very handsome, like his trainer." {{champion:78}} "I have a question." {{champion:74}} "Yes?" {{champion:78}} "I see a couple people here have dragons already. I was wondering if I was supposed to pick one up somewhere and if it's too late?" {{champion:74}} "No no, we aren't giving any dragons out. But don't worry, we are only going to go over the basics today. You don't need to have a dragon to learn how to take better care of them." {{champion:68}} "I would have mine with me, but he was too big to fit in here." {{champion:45}} "Hey, I need to know. Are we going to learn how to bend dragons to our will? Ready to do our every bidding. So that we can conquer Runeterra and finally be its rightful masters?" {{champion:74}} "What? No! Dragons are not some mindless war-machines to help you with your diabolical plans. They are gentle and caring creatures who only need love. Sure, they can be quite scary when threatened. But they have a capacity for love like no other. What you are talking about is the path of the elder dragons. Using the dragons to kill only creates more dragon hunters. And the innocent get hurt in the process." {{champion:45}} "Maybe I should look into these elder dragons since you seem so useless." {{champion:74}} "Get out! You are no longer welcome here!" {{champion:45}} "Fine! But I'll be back!" _"Leaves."_ {{champion:74}} "Now if there is nothing else, I will get on with the seminar." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:122}} "Come on bro, let me in!" {{champion:98}} "Sorry, but as I said, this event is for Yordles only." {{champion:122}} "Aren't you a human like me? How can you side with them? I want to know there dragon training secrets." {{champion:98}} "I care not for dragons. But they are paying me to prevent outsiders from getting in. Sometimes Yordles just need their own space without any humans." {{champion:122}} "Thats racist." {{champion:98}} "Yordles aren't a race, they are a species." {{champion:122}} "Well then, that's speciesist." {{champion:98}} "That's not how you use that word." {{champion:122}} "Well, I don't know what it means, so I can use it however I want." _**Back in the seminar:**_ {{champion:74}} "And that's how to properly feed them. Any questions?" {{champion:17}} "Yes, what happens if they leap too high and bite onto my arm. How do I get it to let go?" {{champion:74}} "You don't have to worry about it letting go. Dragons have incredibly powerful jaws and razor-sharp teeth. They will bite clean through your frail Yordle bones like they're a carrot. Why do you think I had to grow this dragon arm using dragon's blood?" {{champion:17}} "I'm not sure I needed-" _**Suddenly, an explosion blows a hole in the roof.**_ {{champion:45}} **"Ehahahaha!"** {{champion:240}} **"HEY, THAT ROOF IS MY PROPERTY YOU'RE BREAKING."** {{champion:74}} "Veigar! What do you want now?" {{champion:45}} "Told you I'd be back. And I brought a friend." {{champion:50}} "Mmmm, look at all those young dragons. The Elders are going to love this." {{champion:74}} "Swain, you are no master of dragons, you are nothing more than their pawn. Leave us alone you monster!" {{champion:50}} "Ha! You are weak and worthless. I will save these dragons from becoming the same. **DRAGON ARMY, ATTACK!**" {{champion:18}} **"RIGGLE, PROTECT US!"** {{champion:74}} "Pythagoras, are you just going to let them outshine you?" {{champion:42}} "Come on Ace, we've got some flying to do." _"Hops on Ace, the fastest dragon alive."_ {{champion:117}} "Don't worry little babies. I'll protect you." {{champion:42}} **"WOO, YEAH! ATTABOY! YOU SHOOT THOSE WHISKY DELTA DRAGONS DOWN!"** {{champion:240}} **"TRESSPASSERS!!!!!"** {{champion:50}} "Dragons, focus down that thing!" {{champion:240}} **"RAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"** _"Starts slaughtering dragons."_ {{champion:74}} "You're not a dragon trainer! You just insane, criminally insane!" {{champion:78}} **"EVERYTHINGS ON FIRE!"** _"Hides under a bench."_ {{champion:115}} "Did someone say fire? **LITTLE DRAGONS, FIRE!!!!!**" _"Zigg's little dragons begin firing exploding fire at Dragon Master Swain."_ {{champion:50}} "Your pathetic dragons aren't worth this! I'm leaving!" _"Hops on a dragon and flies away."_ {{champion:45}} "**HEY WAIT, DON'T JUST LEAVE ME H-** Time to run." _"Runs away from the angry dragons. Surprisingly fast considering how little his legs are."_ {{champion:18}} **"WE WON, WOOOOO!"** {{champion:74}} **"EVERYONE, RUN! THIS BUILDING IS GOING TO BURN TO THE GROUND!"** _**They all run outside and watch the building burn down from the street.**_ {{champion:240}} "Welp, I sure failed this job." {{champion:74}} "Don't worry, as long as the foundations are intact you can rebuild." {{champion:240}} "From now on dragons are banned in all corporate buildings. I'm going back to my office."
: New free champion rotation: Lucian, Camille, Rek'Sai and more!
Some personal issues came up while I was writing and I was unable to finish this week's story. I don't want to post something half finished so unfortunately there will be no new episode of A Corporate Matter today.
: New free champion rotation: Ivern, Kindred, Tahm Kench and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _A Real Odyssey_** {{champion:222}} "Hello, is this thing working? Stupid piece of- Oh, it is on. Hi, I'm-" {{champion:157}} "What are you doing Jinx?" {{champion:222}} "Well, since someone, not naming names, shoved my camera out the trash disposal. I have to film a new recruitment video!" {{champion:157}} _"Sigh."_ "Alright, fine. Just keep it down, I'm trying to read." {{champion:222}} "Watcha readin'?" {{champion:157}} "That's none of your b-" {{champion:222}} "Pirate lovers in a dangerous spacetime. A decorated Demaxian general falls deeply for the beautiful space pirate, Katarina. Oooh, spicy." {{champion:157}} "Please go film somewhere else." {{champion:222}} "What? The people love this stuff, it humanizes you. Fine. Over in this corner, we have a hunka hunk of a man. Mr. Corporate Braum." {{champion:201}} "Yes, I am Corporate Braum." {{champion:222}} "Say hello to the camera." {{champion:201}} "Hello, small recording box." {{champion:222}} "We picked him up at our last stop. He needed a ride and we at the morning star always help those in need." {{champion:201}} "Yes, thank you again. One of my poros got lost on that planet and I needed to rescue him." {{summoner:31}} "Sorry." {{champion:201}} "It is alright little creature, I am not mad. But later you will need to explain how something so small and innocent like yourself managed to get lost on a planet belonging to a whole other star system." {{champion:222}} "Ahhh, he's got a heart of gold, is responsible and has muscles bigger than my head. What's not to love. And ladies, he's single." {{champion:115}} "Hey, down here!" {{champion:222}} "What's this, the cutest most cuddly alien in the galaxy wants to say something?" {{champion:115}} "Yeah, I'm making sure I'm in this video. Since you decided to leave me out of the last one." {{champion:222}} "It's not my fault you were never around when I was filming." {{champion:115}} "Or maybe you chose to only film when I wasn't around." {{champion:222}} "Hmmm, maybe. But let's not argue in front of the potential recruits. I'll introduce you. This is Ziggs, our resident boom specialist. You like blowing things up? Talk to this guy. Seriously, he has made my life so much more fun than it used to be." {{champion:115}} "There, now was that so hard to do?" {{champion:222}} "Someone sounds a little salty. Go make me a new bomb or something. I'm itching to blow stuff up." {{champion:115}} "Fine." _"Walks away."_ {{champion:222}} "Next we have Sona. She is some mysterious and powerful space templar. Not completely sure what that means or what she's doing here because she never talks. Sona, got anything to say to the new recruits?" {{champion:37}} "..." {{champion:222}} "See what I mean. Next up is my best friend, a big ol' rock and roll. Malphite!" {{champion:54}} "Hi." {{champion:222}} "He's big, strong and good at fixing things. Just remember one rule, when playing any board game, always let the Malphite win. Now, we move on to-" _**The power in the ship goes out, enveloping everything in total darkness.**_ {{champion:115}} "What in the?" {{champion:54}} "Do, not, worry. The, back up, generators, should-" _**Emergency power comes online, filling the ship with a dim red light.**_ {{champion:157}} "Alright, what's going on out here? What did you guys do?" {{champion:222}} "It wasn't us captain, I swear." {{champion:157}} "Well it had to be something. It would take an assassin of exceptional skill to be able to sneak onto this ship and disable the power like that." {{champion:222}} "Oooh, I know who that is. Get ready recruits. You are about the meet the dreamiest coolest most awesome assassin hellbent on killing us and kidnapping Sona so she can show him how to take over the world." {{champion:201}} "You no tell Braum about this when you pick him up." {{champion:222}} "Don't worry, we'll handle it. We always do. Just need him to show up, weird, he normally comes through that hallway there." {{champion:141}} _"Phase through a wall."_ **"Surprise!"** {{champion:222}} "**AHHHHHHH!** That jump scare. Amazing! Ten out of ten! The viewers will love it." {{champion:141}} "Give Sona to me and I'll make sure you die quickly." {{champion:37}} **"!!!"** {{champion:141}} "What?" {{champion:54}} "I got this." _"Tackles Kayn."_ _**"WEE OOH WEE OOH"**_ {{champion:222}} "Someone called the cops, this parties getting wild!" {{champion:51}} "That was some unnecessary roughness. Tackling like that, you should be ashamed. Gonna have to give you a penalty for that." {{champion:54}} **"WHAT, HE'S THE ENEMY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP HIM IF I CAN'T TACKLE HIM!!!!"** {{champion:254}} "New laws pal, too many people getting hurt in the world. From now on you are to just tap on their shoulders and politely ask that they fall over." {{champion:141}} "Thanks cops, I'll make sure to put in a good word with the emperor for helping me out." {{champion:51}} "Anything for a kind upstanding influential man like yourself. Let's get out of here Vi." _"Leaves in police spaceship."_ {{champion:141}} "Now then, where were we?" {{champion:54}} "Sorry guys, I'm out. I don't understand the world anymore." {{champion:222}} "Hey Captain, remember what you did to my camera? Think you could do it with something a little bigger?" {{champion:157}} "I like where you are going with this." {{champion:222}} **"EVERYONE, HOLD ON!"** _"Pushes button."_ {{champion:141}} "What, you opened the garbage chute? That small amount of suction won't-" {{champion:157}} **"THIS IS MORNING STARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"** _"Kicks Kayn into the garbage chute."_ {{champion:222}} "Wow, so overly dramatic and meme-worthy. I love it!" {{champion:201}} "I not understand, how you not get sucked out of chute with him?" {{champion:157}} "I have power over the wind, it doesn't affect me." {{champion:201}} "Thats not how-" {{champion:222}} "The laws of physics don't work here, but we do. So come, join the crew of the morning star. You probably won't regret it."
: New free champion rotation: Ekko, Jinx, Ornn and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Rocky Road Trip_** {{champion:89}} "So, I've been dying to hear about this wild road trip you had." {{champion:16}} "Yeah, you took forever to get back here. I wanna know what took so long." {{champion:267}} "Alright, so we had just left the beach pool party." **** {{champion:267}} "It sure was nice of Pool Party Gangplank to let us use his car." {{champion:36}} "He owe me favor, me cash it in to save company." {{champion:64}} "Look at you, always making deals, you're so sneaky." {{champion:75}} "Would you three be quiet! I'm trying to remember how to get back to the office." {{champion:64}} "You're lost?" {{champion:75}} "I'm not lost, I've just never driven back before. I'll figure it out." {{champion:267}} "Look, there's a gas station up ahead. Let's stop there and ask for directions." {{champion:75}} "I don't need to stop and ask for directions, I know where we're going." _"Drives past gas station."_ {{champion:267}} "Well, can we at least get some gas. Or are you strong enough to drive this car Flintstone style?" {{champion:75}} _"Sigh."_ _"Backs car up to the gas station."_ {{champion:75}} "Alright, who's paying?" {{champion:36}} "Me no carry cash." {{champion:267}} "I'm a fish, I don't think he'll take sea dollars." {{champion:64}} _"Snores."_ {{champion:75}} _"Heavy sigh."_ "Fine, I'll go in and pay. Mundo, you pump." {{champion:267}} "I'll come in with you, I want some trail mix." _"Follows Corporate Nasus into the store."_ {{champion:555}} "Hello, welcome to Gas&Go. What can I do fer ya?" {{champion:75}} "Yeah, I need some gas and whatever she's getting." {{champion:267}} "Got it all right here." {{champion:75}} "Really, all that? I've never even seen you eat beef jerky." {{champion:267}} "It's for Lee Sin, he loves it. I'm getting all this because, unlike you, I like to share." {{champion:75}} "Yeah, you love to share when it's my money. Here you go, clerk man." {{champion:267}} "Oh, by the way! Do you know how to get back to the city from here?" {{champion:555}} "Yeah, just keep going that way. You'll see a fork in the road. You'll see a rickety old bridge past one, go that way. The bridge may look like a stiff breeze'll blow it over sending it plummeting five hundred feet into the rapids below, but don't worry. It's safe to drive on." {{champion:75}} "Is that all?" {{champion:555}} "No no, a bit further down that way you'll end up in the fields of misery. I know it sounds bad, but just drive slow and you'll be fine. You will be tempted to go fast, as its a long straightway and very scary. But trust me, that's a very bad idea. Don't ever go over forty and there will be no problems. Then you get to marshmallow land. This is when you want to speed up. Just floor it, and don't look behind you, whatever you do. After that, you take your next three lefts and go straight until you see the city sign. One more thing, no matter what, don't stop at any gas stations between there and here. Most of the people working at them are high on drugs and will give you crazy directions that will lead to your death." {{champion:75}} "Thanks, we'll do just that." _"Walks out the front door."_ {{champion:267}} "Well, he was really nice. Gave great directions too." {{champion:75}} "If you think there's any chance I'm doing what the psycho said you're as crazy as he his." {{champion:267}} "I'm sure he was just exaggerating on the some of the scary bits. Let's just give his directions a shot." {{champion:75}} "Fine." **_A few minutes of driving later:_** {{champion:267}} "Look, there's the fork in the road. And there's the bridge on the right!." _**The bridge appeared to be made entirely out of rotting wood and frayed rope. It had to be at least a hundred feet long. It hardly looked like it could handle the weight of a person, let alone a whole car. And a fall from it would be certain death.**_ {{champion:75}} "Yeah, no." _"Drives left."_ {{champion:64}} "Huh, what's going on? I'm starving." {{champion:267}} "Here, I got you this." _"Hands him a bag of beef jerky."_ {{champion:64}} "Oh my Rito, I love you." {{champion:75}} "That guy was insane. This is the right way, We'll be there in no time." _**Time later:**_ {{champion:267}} "Pay attention Nasus, you just ran a red light." {{champion:75}} "Oh sorry, I thought it said go." {{champion:64}} "Come on man, red means stop, green means go. I'm blind and even I know that." {{champion:75}} "Well, excuse me for being colorblind." {{champion:64}} "You're- **THEN WHY ARE WE LETTING YOU DRIVE?!**" {{champion:75}} **"Oh, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A TURN, I'M SURE YOU'LL DO SO MUCH BETTER!"** {{champion:36}} "Are we there yet?" {{champion:75}} "**WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!** Now shut up." _**More time later:**_ {{champion:267}} "Uhm, are you still sure you know where you're going?" {{champion:75}} "Yes, we'll be there any minute now." {{champion:64}} "Hey, I don't remember it snowing at the office this time of year." {{champion:36}} "Underling, you get us lost in Freljord?" **** {{champion:16}} "Oooh, the Freljord. Are you going to end up at some super cool costume party hosted by Braum?" {{champion:89}} "That would be really cool, I bet there would be all sorts of games there." {{champion:267}} "What? No, Braum doesn't host some sort of snowy extravaganza. Just let me tell the story." **** {{champion:75}} "Don't be ridiculous, we aren't in-" {{champion:48}} **"GET OUT OF MY HOME!"** _"Charges the car."_ {{champion:75}} "Okay, maybe we are in the Freljord." {{champion:36}} {{champion:64}} {{champion:267}} **"DRVE!"** {{champion:75}} _"Floors it."_ {{champion:64}} "You need to go faster, **WHY AREN'T YOU GOING FASTER?!**" {{champion:75}} "Something's wrong with the car, it's slowing down." {{champion:267}} "Are we out of gas?" {{champion:75}} "No, it still says it's over three quarters. Mundo, did you do something to the car?" {{champion:36}} "What, why you blame Corporate Mundo for messing with car, me not even know how car work." {{champion:75}} "Did you put gas in it like I told you to?" {{champion:36}} "Uhmm, not exactly." {{champion:267}} "What does that mean?" {{champion:36}} "Me think you pay way too much for spicy water, like fool. Lucky, me have few gallons of sugar water in trunk. Me put that in hole instead. Car like sweet more than spicy." {{champion:75}} "You're an idiot! You ruined the car's engine. And I paid for the gas anyway." {{champion:36}} "Me know, me save it in gallons that used hold sugar water." {{champion:48}} "Ohoh, me gonna smash you now." {{champion:64}} "We're screwed." {{champion:20}} "I have sworn to vanquish all kinds of bad stuff, starting with your face!" {{champion:48}} "What?" _"Gets bulldozed by a giant snowball."_ {{champion:20}} "Haha awesome! Now let's get those guys out of that thing." _"Willump rips the doors off the car."_ {{champion:75}} {{champion:36}} {{champion:267}} {{champion:64}} **"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"** {{champion:64}} "Please don't kill me, monster!" {{champion:20}} "No no, it's okay. He's not a monster. I thought so too at first, but he's really nice and gentle. Unless you're a bad guy. You aren't bad guys, are you?" {{champion:75}} "Depends on who you ask." {{champion:20}} "Alrighty then, come with me. I got something to show you." {{champion:36}} "Hang on, Corporate Mundo just need to grab his gallons." {{champion:75}} "Leave the gasoline, Mundo." {{champion:36}} _"Drops the gallons."_ "Fine." _"Follows Nunu and Willump."_ {{champion:20}} "It's just up here, you guys are going to love this." _"Leads them to the top of the hill."_ _**From this vantage, you can see miles of endless snow and ice below. All perfectly illuminated by the northern lights.**_ {{champion:267}} "Wow, it's so beautiful." {{champion:36}} "Meh, not as good as Corporate Mundo's giant pile of moneys." {{champion:20}} "And over here, there's a perfect spot for an all-out snowball war." _**They have a snowball fight and Nunu shows them all the different wonders and amazements of the Freljord. Hours go by and they hardly even notice.**_ {{champion:267}} "This has been the best road trip ever!" {{champion:64}} "Even though we totaled the car halfway through." {{champion:75}} "I'll admit, I had fun. But we really must be going. If we don't get back soon we aren't going to have much to come back to." {{champion:20}} "Awww man, I was having so much fun." {{champion:75}} "Problem is, without the car I don't know how we'll get back to the office." {{champion:20}} "I can help with that. Me and Willump will create the biggest snowball ever! We can put you inside and just have you roll to your office. The snow will melt enough to slow you down so you shouldn't even crash when you arrive." {{champion:75}} "What? There is no way-" {{champion:36}} "We do it! Me tired of being near you." _**One giant snowball later:**_ {{champion:20}} "Alright, Willump and I are just gonna give you a push down this hill and you'll roll to your office, ready? Well, I can't hear you in there, so I'm gonna assume you said yes. And **GOOOO!!!!**" _"Pushes the snowball down the hill."_ {{champion:64}} **"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!"** {{champion:75}} {{champion:36}} {{champion:267}} {{champion:64}} **"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"**
: New free champion rotation: Braum, Draven, Kayn and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Equality_** {{champion:240}} "Hey, why don't you finally let me out of this cage, **SO I CAN SHOVE A PIKE UP YOUR ASS, YOU OVERGROWN SISSY BOY!**" {{champion:141}} "You continue to prove my point. The only way for everyone to live free is to lock up men like you." {{champion:81}} "Hey, how come I'm not locked up with the rest of the men?" {{champion:141}} "I keep telling you, it's alright. You don't have to pretend anymore, I see you for who you truly are. This is a man's world no longer, you can be the proud strong women you are, you don't have to hide it anymore. But I will not force you, you come out when you're ready." {{champion:81}} "But I'm not- Forget it, I'm going to go get a lemonade. I'll be back when someone finally knocks you out of here." {{champion:141}} "She's so brave." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:150}} **"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"** {{champion:16}} "Sona, Kog'Maw, seal the hole! Warwick, catch the one that got in! Boss, please stop screaming!" {{champion:19}} **"COME HERE!"** {{champion:84}} "The days of men grabbing me are over." _"Kicks Guard Dog Warwick in the face."_ {{champion:96}} "I am sure I ate some boarding earlier. I shall vomit it up and we can repair that hole." {{champion:37}} "..." {{champion:96}} "I know it may seem repulsive to you. But I assure you, the inner workings of my digestion system are quite different from yours. In addition, my bile can also act as an adhesive. Which is useful in this circumstance." {{champion:84}} "Ugh, you men are so disgusting. Get them, girls." {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} _"Start running in through the hole."_ {{champion:96}} **"THEY ARE FLOODING IN, THE WALL HAS BEEN BREACHED! IT HAS BEEN AN HONOUR SERVING WITH YOU LADS!"** {{champion:150}} "That's it, time to fight. **LEAVE ME!!!!**" _"Goes Mega and charges the Social Justice Ninjas."_ As the ninjas flood in Mega Corporate Gnar knocks them around the room like ragdolls. {{champion:84}} "How can we beat this?" {{champion:84}} "Don't be afraid. He may be bigger and stronger than us. But he's also a man, which means he's even dumber than he looks. Watch this." _"Stabs Mega Corporate Gnar with a needle."_ {{champion:150}} **"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"** {{champion:84}} "It's a special formula. Turns all the beastly rage of yours into a calming chemical. You'll be asleep for the next few hours." {{champion:150}} **"I'LL KILL Y-"** _"Passes out and turns back into regular Corporate Gnar."_ {{champion:19}} "What now?" {{champion:10}} **"NOW I COME IN!"** _"Flys in and starts beating the Ninjas unconscious with her flaming pointer stick."_ {{champion:84}} "Stop!" {{champion:84}} "You are supposed to be on our side." {{champion:84}} "How could you do this?" {{champion:10}} **"YOU'RE ALL BANNED!"** _"Finishes beating them all."_ {{champion:19}} "We're saved!" {{champion:10}} "Yes you are, follow me. I have a perfect hiding spot that they haven't found yet." {{champion:96}} "No offence, but why don't we just leave. I personally prefer not residing in a building filled with ninjas that wish to incarcerate me." {{champion:10}} "You've heard the yelling outside. The summoners have all gathered and they want blood. There is no safe way out and they will do far more than lock you up if they catch you. So, if you want to live free, follow me." {{champion:84}} "Oops, guess they shouldn't have followed you." {{champion:10}} "Ugh, do I have to beat more of you today." {{champion:84}} "As strong a woman as you are, I doubt you could beat us all." _**Dozens of ninjas fill the hallways.**_ {{champion:10}} "Why doesn't Z'Kayn do anything himself? Instead, he sits in the office doing nothing but talking all day while you women do all the work." {{champion:84}} "He knows that we are strong and capable. He lets us have all the glory. He is a true hero of equality. If it where up to me I would kill those who tolerate oppression like you. But Z'Kayn believes in forgiveness for the worthy. So I will only do this to you." _"Throws a smoke bomb on the ground and covers mouth. All the other Social Justice Ninjas do the same."_ {{champion:10}} "Knockout gas? That's cheating, which deserves a permanent b-" _"Passes out."_ _** Sometime later in the main lobby:**_ {{champion:141}} "We've done it, we got them all. And here they shall all stay, locked up in the main lobby for all to see. A reminder of what happens to oppressors. Now that we've locked up all the men, women can have the jobs and this company will have true diversity." {{champion:16}} "This is wrong!" {{champion:89}} "Let them go!" {{champion:10}} "I swear, when I get my weapons back you will all be sorry." {{champion:141}} "I know you feel this way now, but it won't last. You don't know with to do with freedom and that scares you. But you will figure it out, and you will all be so much happier when you do." {{champion:222}} "E-e-excuse me! I would like to say something." {{champion:141}} "I've been looking everywhere for you. Come up here brave girl. No one will hurt you now." {{champion:222}} "Hello, I'm Corporate Jinx. I don't really like crowds this big but I felt what I needed to say was too important." {{champion:141}} "Its okay, this is a safe space. Speak your mind freely." {{champion:222}} "I just wanted to say. I am sick and tired of people like you telling me what I can or cannot do. I am not weak or fragile, I don't need you to create safe spaces for me. I get anxiety around large amounts of people, but that is my problem, not theirs. I got a job I love that works with my issues. I don't want to run a company like this. If I did I would, and no one would be able to stop me. But I don't, and I sure don't need you telling me I do." {{champion:141}} _"Stares in disbelief."_ {{champion:222}} "The idea that women can't do what men can do needs to stop. I worked hard to get to where I am. Did I have to work harder than a man would have, maybe? Who am I to say. But I did it without any special treatment and I am proud of that. I will not have you demean my abilities by giving me a free ride while the more _'capable'_ are put down to make it fair." {{champion:222}} "You have everything so backward. By giving us advantages simply because we are women, or excluding men to make it fair. You reinforce the idea that women are lesser. That we are incapable of doing things as well as men. That is an idea that has taken a lot of time and hard work to kill and I will not see it come back. You want equality, then treat us like equals. If I can't do what a man can do it is my fault, not his. I need to make myself better, not him worse." {{champion:222}} "I want to be judged on who am I and what I do, not how I was born. My victories and accomplishments mean nothing if they are just handed to me. If I win something or get a job, I want to know it's because I was the very best, not because I was born the right gender. All you're doing is fostering hatred, something that in the end will only do far more harm than good." {{champion:141}} "I, i, i." {{champion:222}} "Now get the **hell** out of my workplace." _"Lifts rocket launcher and fires a Super Mega Death Rocket."_ **"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!"**
: New free champion rotation: Quinn, Evelynn, Taliyah and more!
#A Corporate Matter **Episode: _Social Justice War_** {{champion:64}} "Jeez, that was some road trip. I'm exhausted." {{champion:89}} "What took you guys so long? {{champion:267}} "It's a long and crazy story. I'll tell you later. How are things around here?" {{champion:89}} "It's getting way worse than I could have ever imagined. If this goes on much longer I don't know if we'll survive. Did you see the summoners rioting outside?" {{champion:75}} "Yeah, we had to take the back entrance to get in. There must be thousands of them." {{champion:89}} "More and more every day. I've never seen them so riled up. Not even the Clash fiasco was this bad." {{champion:36}} "Someone want explain what going on?" {{champion:267}} Fine, we didn't think you would come with if we told you back there. While you were absent, someone snuck in. We didn't realize until he got control of all the major systems." {{champion:75}} "Using that power, he began attacking us. Weirdly only the male employees here were harmed. He and his army begin taking them up to your office. That's when Nami and I got out. We knew that our only chance of defeating him was with someone who knew this place as well as you." {{champion:89}} "He has the males locked up in Mundo's cages. Us women are allowed to roam free, but he took our weapons. He has also declared war on our entire male player base. Which, if you know the percentages, is very bad for our company." {{champion:64}} "Oh come on, how much harm could he really do." {{champion:89}} "He began banning men from community events and he also got ahold of our social media. He has used that power to publicly call men every insult he knows." {{champion:64}} "Yeah, no. That's really really bad." {{champion:89}} "He hasn't gotten everyone yet. Kayle still has her weapons and has been fighting them Batman style. Gnar has barricaded a couple people in his office. So far they have held out. But if we don't stop this PR disaster soon, there won't be any players left for us to apologize to." _**Suddenly, a voice appears over the intercom system.**_ {{champion:141}} "Ah, I see the last of our sexist pigs has arrived." {{champion:36}} "Who you be?" {{champion:141}} "I am Z'Kayn. I'm here to finally bring equality to one of the most sexist companies on Runeterra. I mean, look at this place. You have only two female corporates, that means 98% of your corporates are male. This is an inexcusable crime against humanity." {{champion:64}} "Hang on a minute, that's not how math wo-" {{champion:141}} "Silence! Your time to talk over others is over. Nearly every woman here is forced to work in a minor supporting role. They have to do all the work while their male overlord gets all the glory. Not to mention the fact that I am sure they are subject to constant harassment." {{champion:267}} "We're support champions dumbass!" {{champion:89}} "I happen to like my current job. It has good pay decent hours and I don't have to deal with the unbearable stress of running a multi-million dollar company." {{champion:267}} "Would it be nice to get a little more recognition for our efforts, sure. But we don't want to run the whole thing." {{champion:141}} "Shhhh, it's alright now. This is a safe space. You can speak your minds freely here." {{champion:267}} "We are!" {{champion:141}} "You poor souls, brainwashed to think you like working here. It will be okay. I will punish these evil men and give you what you really want. Even if you are too weak and afraid to tell me right now." {{champion:89}} "He does see the irony in this, doesn't he?" {{champion:141}} "YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THESE POOR WOMEN! I will fight to make them free, even if they cannot do it themselves. Social Justice Ninjas, take these probable rapists away." {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} {{champion:84}} "On it!" {{champion:36}} "Get off me, Corporate Mundo voted innocent of all accusations." {{champion:75}} "Really, calling **me** a rapist. Real classy." {{champion:64}} "Uhhh, I'm too hungover to care. Just carry me aw-" _"Gets punched in the gut."_ {{champion:84}} "Silence pig!" {{champion:64}} "That was uncalled for." _"Collapses in pain."_ {{champion:75}} "You'll never take me! Who wants to get dun-" _"Gets hit in the back of the head and passes out."_ {{champion:36}} "Let go of Corporate Mundo. **HELP, THEY TAKING ME AWAY TO BE RAPED!**" {{champion:84}} "Hahahahah!" {{champion:36}} "What so funny?" {{champion:84}} "It's impossible for you to be raped." {{champion:89}} "Wait, Mundo! Whats the secret to beating your office security. I know there is one." {{champion:36}} "Me not telling. Cause then me not be safe in own office." _"Gets dragged away by the Social Justice Ninjas, along with Corporate Nasus and Corporate Lee Sin."_ {{champion:89}} "You're already not- Damn him!" {{champion:267}} "Well, that plans out. I'm sure we'll think of something else." _**Meanwhile:**_ {{champion:150}} "Day, I don't know anymore, I've lost count. Supplies are running, tensions are high. I don't know if the barricades will hold out much longer. I sense some members are considering switching sides. I am not going to be taken alive and if anyone betrays me I'll make sure they go down with me. Have considered eating the creature in the cage. It has far outlived its usefulness." {{champion:17}} "If you are going to do that, please hurry up. You stopped feeding me a week ago, there isn't going to be much left." {{champion:16}} "And stop that nonsense about betrayal. If we wanted to betray you we wouldn't have spent the last few weeks locked in this office. with you." {{champion:37}} "..." {{champion:16}} "Yeah, I don't know who he's thinking he's gonna take with him." {{champion:150}} "You haven't seen me when I'm cornered. I can be quite vicious." {{champion:96}} "Does anyone perhaps want some more tea. It might calm the nerves." {{champion:150}} {{champion:16}} {{champion:19}} {{champion:17}} **"NO MORE TEA!"** {{champion:37}} **"!!!"** {{champion:150}} "The last batch nearly killed me. I don't know what you put in it." {{champion:96}} "Well, we ran out of normal tea ingredients a while ago. So I've just been using random things I find around the office here." {{champion:16}} "Gross." {{champion:19}} "Boy I sure could use a steak." {{champion:150}} "Yeah, me too! **BUT WE CAN'T HAVE ONE BECAUSE THOSE STUPID NINJAS WANT TO TAKE US AWAY! SO THERE IS NO SENSE IN TALKING ABOUT IT!**" {{champion:16}} "Calm down, boss, everything is going to be okay." {{champion:150}} "Easy for you to say, they aren't going to do anything to you." {{champion:16}} "I'm hurt that you think me losing you would mean nothing." {{champion:19}} "Hang on, you guys hear that? Whats that noise?" {{champion:96}} "Sounds like, chanting?" {{item:3211}} **"NOT WELCOME HERE!"** {{item:3211}} **"TWO THIRTY!"** {{item:3211}} **"SEA LION!"**
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King Dellron

Level 60 (NA)
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