How do I Teamfight/Lane as a Support? (Nami Main)

For a while I've been stuck not 100% knowing when to play passive or when to play aggressive. Whenever I play Nami the way I normally play her (passive), my ADC gets angry and tells me to walk up/play more aggressive. I do that and end up feeding the enemy bottom laners, only to get flamed again for not playing passive enough. Recently I've started trying to find a balance between passiveness and aggressiveness, but my teammates still get angry with me for not playing aggressive enough. I had a recent match when I outright told my ADC that I played a passive Nami, only to get the same "WALK THE FUCK UP. ENGAGE WITH YOUR Q. DAMNIT NAMI LAND THE STUN SO I CAN KILL. ENGAGE WITH THE ULT. FIGHT NAMI YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME. NAAAAAAMIIIIIIIDASGGASDGA." Another problem I've been having is getting caught in losing teamfights and not knowing what to do once 3 or all of my teammates are dead. Most of the time, I panic and run in the first direction I think of. In a teamfight, I usually land as many of my Qs as I can, E the ADC/middle laner, damage/heal with W, and ult to chase/escape/finish off severely low health targets. The problem starts when I do all of that, but my team loses and I'm left with my abilities on cooldown. Sometimes there's one player who's still trying to 1v3, and only starts running when they're at like 200 health. When I start running and end up the only one alive, I get flamed by my team for not helping the 1 player that decided to play suicide. So I guess I should get to the point now. You're probably tired of hearing me whine. How should I play during the laning phase? I poke whenever possible and help my ADC do the same. Should I be the one always engaging, or should it be the ADC? If I'm supposed to be the one engaging and poking, how do I do so without getting myself killed? In teamfights, how can I do better at keeping my team alive so they can win/manage to at least escape if they lose? What do I do if I get focused or caught in a flank? How can I improve at landing Nami's stun? I've been playing her for about 2 weeks and I figure I should be landing it more than I do (which is about 45% of the time). Thanks! I know this was a lot to read. :)
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