I learned a new word today and it saddens me

Over the course of my career in League of Legends, I have been mostly a sportsmanlike player towards my teammates and opponents on the rift. However recently after receiving an in-game report card I was genuinely confused at first. For what was presented in the chat logs I really believed that i did nothing wrong and did not deserve a suspension that resulted for 14 days. That is when i began my research and came across an acronym I used earlier in this game. The acronym was 'KYS' and although used in many games under the rift, I never knew its exact meaning, and as someone who has difficult time reading in-between lines in real life (I have an intellectual disability), I consulted a few of my friends. They laughed as though I was joking, but it reality i never knew what I really did wrong. That was then the point where my friends were shocked. To the fact that I actually did not understand the true meaning of this acronym. They asked me what exactly the acronym meant for me, and the definition for me was Keep Yourself Sane. To many people this could have been obvious, but I only just noticed the usage of this acronym increased throughout games and entertainment, and I thought it was not as severe and malicious as it could have been. However as I learned what 'KYS' truly meant, It truly frightened me. I have never wished upon anyone and could not wish upon someone to do such a devious act towards him/herself as I knew exactly what it meant from my past experiences. Although I now understand my consequences of the words I typed, I will take full responsibly for my actions. However I am still extremely sad because I do not think a single person in this world would understand where I am coming from. This delved into my self-esteem for the pass few days, and I feel as if no one could believe me. To think that people would say that so casually to one other really saddens me. Why would people wish something so hateful to another? Please help me understand as it is really confusing to me. Thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to try to understand where I am coming from. It really means a lot.
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