gg TFT: WTF is this balance patch?

Teamfight Tactics Patch 9.14 notes
Hey Tacticians, welcome to the first official Teamfight Tactics patch notes! From now on, you can expect TFT patch notes almost every week. For those accustomed to League of Legends' schedule, note that TFT will be patching in a weekly cadence, split between the regularly scheduled League of Legends patch with larger changes and a B-side one on the second week of that patch limited to balance changes and emergent bugfixes.
Seriously, I'm just reading these patch notes in absolute slack-jawed amazement at how DUMB this is. I mean, how many stupid changes are on here? Buffing OP things, nerfing UP things, completely neglecting really obvious changes- it's top-to-bottom STUPID! (Oh alright, to be fair you did make SOME decent changes, but they're HEAVILY outweighed by the bad ones.) I mean, let me count the ways: 1. Well let's start at the top with the big dumb oversight: the changes to item drops are crap. You did NOTHING to change situations where one player gets 5 items and another gets 2. *NOTHING!* Instead, the player who got screwed over by the RNG gets a pittance in gold instead to compensate them for effectively getting completely knocked out of contention, like throwing spare change to a beggar. This does N-O-T-H-I-N-G to fix the base unfairness of massive RNG swings caused by item drops. This was _THE ONE SINGLE CRITICAL THING YOU HAD TO FIX..._ and you did sod-all. "Oh, so one of your opponents got 5 item drops and you got nothing? Have some gold. Good luck!" We're off to a GREAT start here! 2. You backed down on the Demon buffs that were on the PBE, which, to be fair, were insane (400% true damage on the mana burn damage for a 6 demon set was nuts)... so rather than implementing a weaker version of these buffs, you NERF Demons instead! Wha-wha-WHAT?! The chance of mana burn triggering going down from 40% to 25% at level 1 and from 60% to 50% at level 2 basically eviscerates what was already one of the weaker and less-reliable origins, and no, 5% higher chance at level 3 does not even REMOTELY compensate, especially since the damage buff got completely shot in the head. So one of the worst origins in the game gets worse. 3. While we're still on the subject of origins, you nerfed most of the ones that could absorb or actively needed a nerf (Elementalist, Shapeshifter)... but you didn't even TOUCH Glacial. What the hell? Glacial isn't like Noble, sub-par until you get Kayle to complete the full set, it's OP at 2, extra-OP at 4 and BROKEN OP at 6. And you didn't touch it. (Also, the ONLY Glacial units to get changed at all, Braum, Volibear and Anivia, got BUFFED!) But you felt you just HAD to nerf the crap out of Demons, despite canning the buffs you'd originally been planning for them on the PBE. Nice to see you got your priorities in order. 4. Following on from the Demon nerfs, you ALSO nerfed Elise, already widely recognised and acknowledged as the worst demon that nobody uses. OK, so you changed her to a t1 unit so it's easier to build 3-star version and allowed her spiderlings to apply Demon mana burn as well... but aside from the fact that you just NERFED THE CRAP OUT OF Demon mana burn, you also slashed the number of spiderlings she can create (so she's terrible UNTIL you get a 3-star version, which still isn't guaranteed by any measure and which you wouldn't want anyway because she sucks) and increased her mana cost while slashing her HP and Armor, so now she can easily die before she can even summon her spiders at all. Again, you took one of the worst champions in the game and made it WORSE (on top of nerfing both her origin AND her class). 5. Kennen. Even with the nerf to the Elementalist golem, did he REALLY need a flat 10 AD buff and a HUGE buff to the damage of Slicing Maelstrom? No, I don't think he did. Actually I'm being a bit facetious here: _of course he bloody didn't!_ 6. Shyvana. Again, even with the nerf to Shapeshifter bonus, did she need major stat and damage buffs, including 25 mana knocked off her transformation cost? In short: no. In long: _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!_ 7. Volibear. One of THE strongest Glacial units (which again, you _didn't_ nerf), did he need sweeping buffs to every aspect of his kit? Hahaha NO! 8. You actually _buffed Guinsoo's Rageblade?!_ And by a full 33%?! With NO counterbalancing effect?! On TOP of the big stupid change I'm about to get to?! 10. So you nerfed the crap out of Locket of the Iron Solari. OK, players stacking multiple lockets and a Deathcap on a single unit at the middle of their Sorcerer formation to give everyone ridiculously huge shields was dumb, but this highlights how little of a clue you actually have: you completely failed to make the OBVIOUS change to items in general- _making them not stack!_ Being able to stack items at ALL was a HUGE oversight, but instead of changing that you make it so items can't benefit from AP any more (fair) and change Locket to only shield the allies beside the wearer (dumb). Hell you even bugfixed Seraph's Embrace to ensure it DOES stack, so clearly this is Working As Intended, despite being broken as hell. You really can't see what the actual issue IS, can you? 11. OK, my initial response to seeing you _buff Recurve Bow_ was absolute jaw-dropping shock, because that just seemed like the DUMBEST thing I have EVER seen Riot do. But then I remembered the AS scaling changes and got a bit more conflicted, because they count as a pretty severe nerf to Recurve Bow as a whole. But then I remembered that Recurve Bow NEEDED a severe nerf, so I don't get why, after nerfing it as it deserved, you felt it desperately required a _compensation buff!_ Anyone who's played the game for ANY length of time quickly learns that Recurve Bow is the most powerful item in the game, with victory generally being _heavily_ influenced by who gets the most of them (and since as I mentioned at the top you did bugger-all to fix item RNG, this makes the entire game even more of a dice roll). AS is the most important stat on EVERY champion because more AS=more mana=more ability casts. A lot of the best items (Rapid Fire Cannon, Guinsoo's Rageblade, Phantom Dancer, Titanic Hydra) require Bows. Now, the changes to AS scaling will make this less of a big deal for a lot of the slower attacking champions, but clearly you LIKE the idea of building up a single ranged hypercarry and letting it kill everyone with OP AS items. And combined with the aforementioned refusal to nerf Glacial, I know how I'm going to be winning every game from now on: hypercarry Ashe. Get permastunned, noobs. 12. Runaan's Hurricane. A sweeping nerf across the board for every champion who would use it, except Vayne and Ashe. Vayne just got _buffed,_ while Ashe was already OP (because Glacial) and is now _more OP._ Smooth. 13. Fixed the bug where Seraph's Embrace wouldn't stack. Just thought I'd take the opportunity to mention again that _items SHOULDN'T stack!_ By the time I reached the end of these patch notes, I was just in despair. And you think THIS is a good patch to introduce Ranked on?! Yeah, no. I HAD been eagerly awaiting this patch, but you fixed NOTHING I wanted fixed and made a lot of things WORSE! I... I just... _what?!_
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